Ridiculous Cocktails: The Jel-Pack Monster

Image obscured to protect the identity of someone who voluntarily drank Limon.

So a couple of weeks ago, my cohorts and I gallivanted off to the northeastern woods of Wisconsin where we laid on couches, watched all of A&E's Colin Firth-alicious Pride & Prejudice, ate a lot of Doritos, and actually played in the snow a little bit. Unfortunately, because of the blizzard-like weather conditions, we didn't get out much to the sketchy local bars. HOWEVER, past trips to the Shawano-Clinton "metropolitan" area led us to the discovery of one of the greatest liquors ever to be manufactured by mankind: LIMON. And I'm not talkin' Bacardi here, kids. No, I did extensive Googling and couldn't find any mention of this fine alcoholic product. It appears to only exist in Wisconsin. Maybe it is related to the local Sun Drop manufacturing plant. This shit is made of lemon-flavored gin AND lime-flavored vodka. If that sounds like the dregs of some other higher-quality alcohol, you're probably right. That's my best guess too as to its origins. We saw it in the booze aisle of the local Shawano, Wisconsin grocery store*, and were immediately tempted by a) the bright green bottle and b) the bottom-shelf price.

When we got back to my roommate's grandparents' house (our deluxe lodgings during these forays into the wilds of Wisconsin), we opened the Limon bottle only to discover that it was the alcohol ITSELF that was bright green. It also smelled strongly of lime jello. And that's pretty much what it tastes like. We scrounged up some warm cans of Sierra Mist to mix it with and The Jel-Pack Monster was born. We named it thus because of its aforementioned resemblance in both color and flavor to lime jello, and because it reminded us of the Green Bay Packers, to whom my roommate's grandparents have dedicated a yellow and green shrine in their basement. I've never felt more Wisconsin-y than I did that night.


The Jel-Pack Monster

1 part Limon (only available in WI)
Several parts lemon-lime soda to cut the ridiculous flavor


It is not delicious in any way, but it does tend to grow on you. Or maybe if you drink enough of it, you stop caring what it tastes like. That's usually how these things work.


*If there's one thing you've got to say for Wisconsin, they do their boozing right: excessively and in public. I wish we could get fucking wine or even Mike's that has a higher alcohol content than 3.2% in grocery stores in Minnesota, for god's sake, much less hard liquor.

Thursday Sausage* Links

-In light of recent happy events that push me further along my path to professional nerdism (AKA a teaching career in academia), I was amused by Ding's plea to douchebag undergraduate writers who insist upon passing off offensive bullshit as "satire." No, really. Shut up. (Screed)

-Anytime people start referencing William Jennings Bryan and/or Adlai E. Stevenson, I a) chuckle with delight to myself, and b) remember what repeat losers they both were. I think it might be kind of jinx-y for Barry Hussein to be compared to these guys. Just sayin'. Obama Reminds Smart People of Other Smart People (The Cynics' Party)

-Random, but mostly just cracked me up: "Rachael Ray's turned lazy cooking into a vast Empire coated with Ritz crackers, and here I sit on a big pile of nothing, me and my excellent skillet stirfry." Coated with Ritz crackers. So true. Is there anyone who does not hate Rachael Ray? Hints From Hel. (One Good Thing)

-He's right, we've got to protect America's fertilized egg citizens from leading lives of sin and degradation. The Zygote-American Community's Battle Against Porn (Jesus' General)



*Not really made of sausage. Sausage is gross.

On blogs: In which I discuss why me and the internets are best friends and then borrow heavily from my own grad school essays

Put down that media! Did I say you could touch that?

So, obviously I've given in. I've committed to this blogging thing after probably a year and a half of considering, occasional posting, occasional deleting, and indecision. But just reading blogs wasn't cutting it for me anymore. And besides, I can only update my Facebook profile with the ridiculous stuff I find online so often before it starts to get sad. So: blogging. Working, as I do, in a job with constant internet access and not really enough to do a lot of the time, I found myself becoming more and more involved in the current feminist/progressive blogosphere. I became a politics and news junkie. I actually developed opinions of my own. I honed my views by loading myself up with information and reading the endless commentary of other people with opinions who were willing to put them on the internet. What happened to my apathy? I guess I just applied it to my actual job. Haha.

But so on to how blogging relates to my proposed course of study in American Studies graduate programs (applications in, fingers crossed): I think it's really an exciting time to be doing any sort of media studies. I'm interested in how the expansion of digital communication and the internet in the recent past has affected how we construct and transmit contemporary folklore (folklore in a broad sense—I’m mostly referring here to what I'd consider cultural narratives, which I really don't feel like defining, so go take a class in the humanities building and get back to me). With the popularity of weblogs comes an increased accessibility to public discourse. Blogging and other new media give more people access to the shaping of public narrative. You only have to listen to the disdain "mainstream" media types express for bloggers and the netroots in general to realize that a fundamental shift in media, information, and access is going on.

People with journalism degrees are no longer the only ones considered qualified to report and analyze current events. There's an egalitarian movement going on right now that moves much faster than traditional newspaper or TV news reporting. We've created a 24-hour news cycle, and the internet is a highly responsive site for commentary and analysis that actually works as quickly as the news is made. A huge variety of people are now publicly interpreting the news. A valuable project would be to look at how the broad viewpoints represented by blogging affect our ideas of what makes up American culture, and how that may begin to change the ways politicians and journalists talk about it. Some of the most comprehensive and insightful analysis of contemporary politics is going on online, among relatively unknown bloggers. I think of the well-documented coverage of the Scooter Libby trial provided by the folks at Firedoglake last year. They were thoroughly covering a story the news networks were underreporting, filling a gap in competent journalism that has been widening over the past decade or so. I'd really like to study how the broadening of sources and analysts influences how stories get told and how it can affect what the story itself is.

I was thinking about this while I read a post by Chez of Deus Ex Malcontent about his sudden firing from CNN for blogging. He talks about how through its reporting, CNN "pays more lip-service to bloggers and their internet realm than any other mainstream media outlet, but in the end that's really all it is—lip-service." Apparently, blogging is a trend that’s popular enough to be covered, but somehow still too unseemly for the network’s own employees to participate in. Chez goes on to say that, “As far as CNN (and to be fair, the mainstream TV press in general) believes, it still sits comfortably at the top of the food chain, unthreatened by any possibility of a major paradigm shift being brought to bear by a horde of little people with laptops and opinions. Although the big networks recognize the need to appeal to bloggers, they don't fear them—and that means they don't respect them.”

I think Chez is right that bloggers aren’t respected by establishment media types, but I do think they are feared. I can’t think of why else otherwise perfectly respectable journalists and politicians would waste their time putting down bloggers (just Google “disdain for bloggers,” and you’ll find plenty of discussion of this phenomenon—written mostly by bloggers!). If we (I can include myself now, I suppose) blogging-types are just a bunch of weird liberal Cheeto-munching geeks hiding in basements, why bother acknowledging us at all? I think corporate TV and print media outlets are terrified of the free-for-all that is the blogosphere. Rupert Murdoch (that hottie pictured above) has yet to figure out how he can buy it, control it, and fit it in his expensively-tailored pocket (Is he well-known as a good dresser? I have no idea, but I assume his clothes are not cheap since I’m pretty sure he owns everything including my right arm by now.).

There’s also the very real issue of political “bias.” CNN implied that Chez was fired not just for writing for non-CNN sources (his own blog and others), but for the content of his writings and how they would reflect on the network. People need to stop listening to the Bernard Goldberg types. Corporate media conglomerates are NOT bastions of liberalism. Any entity that can be described as a “conglomerate” is automatically out of the running for “most progressive point of view.” I don’t think I should have to explain why. And yet, the right-wing media complains that the “mainstream” is too liberal, and the mainstream responds by becoming more and more conservative. (As Stephen Colbert says, “Reality has a well-known liberal bias.”) The fact is that the evolving political netroots are dominated by liberals and progressives, who have built their online communities in response to their views being at best ignored, and at worst demonized in the mainstream media. I think the powers-that-be resent the blogosphere’s demographics and see their efforts to be heard as an upstart power-grab. “Surely those commie interwebs whippersnappers are up to no good! But in the meantime, we’ll just attempt to mock and discredit them and maybe they’ll go away.”

As Chez concluded:

"CNN fired me, and did it without even a thought to the power that I might wield as an average person with a brain, a computer, and an audience. The mainstream media doesn't believe that new media can embarrass them, hurt them or generally hold them accountable in any way, and they've never been more wrong. I'm suddenly in a position to do all three, and I know now that this is what I've been working toward the last few years of my career."

I do think they're starting to feel threatened. As well they should.

Do antidepressants work? Who cares? I'm still taking them.

So there's a "new study" out that says standard SSRIs only really work for the most severely depressed patients. That improvement in those taking them who are less seriously depressed is not more significant than a placebo. Well, as someone on fluoxetine (Prozac), I say, "Fuck you, British scientists." I don't care if it's a placebo effect, something's working. I went without my meds for about a year and did okay, but when I thought I needed to go back on, I did. There's no shame in that. I don't care if the relief I feel from my symptoms is all in my head, um, so is depression, so who cares? If I think I need pills to function and not constantly feel like shit, then I'm going to use them. If scientists say they don't really work, it doesn't really affect whether or not they really work for me. Do you see what I'm saying? Get out of my medicine cabinet, scientists! My chemical dependence is none of your beeswax.

Ralphie: You'll shoot your eye out, kid!

Why is a real small child being used for this demonstration?

So the Naderator is throwing his hat into the ring again. He must have, like, a lot of hats that he compulsively tosses whenever he sees a presidential election. Many Democrats are annoyed. But then some of them just create amusing extended Candyland-esque metaphors to make fun of his supporters. I do have a special place in my heart for everybody's favorite spoiler (sorry, Ron Paul, maybe someday). He gave the motherfucking commencement speech at BYU's alternate graduation last year (protesting Dick Cheney as the school's official commencement speaker) that I generously donated $10 to and also: seatbelts and shit. I watched some something about him on PBS once, and he had a really interesting upbringing. His parents were Lebanese immigrants (Thanks, Wikipedia!) and his family was always discussing politics and stuff around the dinner table. Also, apparently he's kind of an asshole to deal with. Principles before people and all that. Reminds me of the Pretentious Ex-Boyfriend a little. Anyway, TBogg's post cracked me up, and so I thought I'd link to it and ramble about Ralph Nader and call my posting duties fulfilled for the day.

God I love Cow & Boy

And beards. I love beards too. Have I mentioned that?


See more Cow and Boy. I've been a fan since Billy and Cow played "Cowboys and German Philosophers." Also, when they discussed building a fortress out of chocolate and bacon. Yum.

Quote o' the Day and Such: Unattainable Beauty Standards Edition

Confession that's not really a confession if you know me: I love America's Next Top Model. Sometimes it's really painful and I am forced to turn the channel or leave the room or hide under a blanket while Tyra humiliates herself and/or these poor fame-(and probably food-)hungry girls. But so last season I found out about the magic that is the ANTM Fantasy League! I've picked my first week's team on the basis of possible challenge-winning (Katarzyna and Fatima) and on possible crying and/or verbal confrontation points (Fatima and Marvita). And if that doesn't give you enough of a fix, you should definitely be reading Rich's epic recaps every Monday. But anyway, it's always interesting to observe the clusterfuck of trashiness and prettiness and addictiveness that is ANTM. It represents everything that is wrong with America in so many ways, and yet, I cannot stop watching. Perhaps this is why I want to do American studies for grad school. I just can't look away, I'm fascinated by not only the interpersonal squabbles and the makeovers and the "What the hell will come out of Tyra's mouth next?" parts, but also the conflicting values on display. One example I think of right away is how Tyra complains about how the fashion industry requires models to be unnaturally thin in order to have any sort of successful career, but holds her models to those same unhealthy standards. "Yeah, it really sucks how you have to be super skinny to be a model, and we should change that, but you should probably lose some weight if you want to be a model, but do it the healthy way, okay?" But so today I was reading a post about, essentially, "womb envy" from Amanda Marcotte on Pandagon, where she went on to say, "The drooling fascination a lot of our culture has with female beauty is understandable insofar as women’s beauty truly is neat, but let’s face it—much of the fascination is hostile. Instead of being pleased with beauty, our culture objectifies, demeans, hurts and humiliates because there’s so much resentment about it." I think of how we manage to admire the models (whom most of us will never even come close to looking like) while still taking sick pleasure in their exploitation. Luckily, I'm able to not think about all that too much while the magic is happening and can still enjoy the show, but I think what Amanda's referring to here is really clearly played out on the screen every week.

Confirming Stereotypes: Hairy-Legged Feminist Edition

The modicum of extra insulation it provides in the Minnesota winter justifies my laziness.

I had a recent heated discussion about leg-shaving with some friends, which I will not reiterate here since about 79% of this blog's potential readers were there. I will probably shave next time I want to wear a skirt/it is above -1938675 degrees, thus allowing for such fashion choices. But it's some pretty impressive growth for now, eh? HOT.

Neglected Nietzsche Blogging: Maybe this weekend

But dear fans of the mustachioed madman, hopefully this silly YouTubery will tide you over until your next fix. I must say that the Kant attack ad has more substance, but this one really gets to the heart of the matter.

Found via Kierkegaard's 3rd-party bid featured at QuizLaw.

Favorite Cocktails: The White Lady

I am too lazy to find out who this man is or what the hell is going on in this ad.

Me doing any more work today is so not going to happen, so I figured I might as well get started on my project of alcohol blogging. I mean, drinking is pretty much my biggest hobby, so I might as well talk about it here. Anyway, a favorite recipe I found in one of our classy cocktail books maybe about a year ago is The White Lady. Do not try to order this in a bar. They will fail. But you can make it at home!

The White Lady

1 part gin
1 part cointreau
1 part lemon juice

Easy peasy. You can use triple sec instead of cointreau (it's a lot cheaper, and has a bit more of a bite), and just a plastic bottle of lemon juice from the grocery store will suffice. I don't have a professional juicer or anything, so you won't find me squeezing any actual lemons for this job. But I WILL recommend holding out on the gin front for Tanqueray Rangpur (I would link to the Tanqueray website, but it doesn't actually seem to feature Rangpur, so whatevs). Rangpur is like fucking gin candy. It's infused with delicious limes and will immediately convert you from the "gin tastes like pine trees" team to the "gin goes in every drink ever" team. Yumyumyum.

Perhaps I will make one with dinner tonight.

UPDATE: I did.

Quote o' the Day- It's called "too lazy for a real post right now"

"The Abkhaz and South Ossetian leadership is of course super excited about the prospect, because nothing could possibly go wrong for you when your enormous neighbor is playing games with your sovereignty for its own larger geopolitical purposes!" -Josh Fruhlinger on Russia vs. Georgia in his weekly Wonkette "The Foreigns" feature.

Hillary Clinton Is a Badass

So I used to be an Edwards man,* but since that didn't work out, I had to choose a Plan B Candidate for the caucus a couple of weeks ago. I decided to join Team Obama since he is hot and pretty much everyone else I know is on the team and let's be honest, it wouldn't have mattered if I voted for anyone else since I live in Minnesota and the whole STATE is on Team Obama. And don't get me wrong, I like the guy. He's all Hope and Inspiration and Bringing People Together. But let me just say this: I don't want to be brought together with some people. Yes, that is right--I am an elitist and I hate the things that some people stand for. And they mostly hate me because of my reproductive organs. I have no problem with politics being divisive. That's what they're for. Our problem in the U.S. is our inane two-party system that makes a mockery of democracy and pretty much allows no one the opportunity to have their political positions represented accurately in government. And it's really too bad for people who are actually liberal (those who don't just say "Fuck it" and decide to not vote or go Green Party or something), to have to choose between Crazy McUnelectable Hobbit Kucinich who actually shares most of my views and Other More Moderate and Palatable Options. Which is my rant for why we should switch to a more parliamentary system. Ahem.

But so anyway, Barry Hussein what with his rhetoric and personality and key Kennedy endorsements, is certainly appealing, and I won't be complaining if he gets the nomination and I would love to see him kick Old Man Maverick's ass in the general election. THAT SAID: All of a sudden I am totally bummed that Hillary Clinton is no longer the front runner. I am inexplicably disappointed that she isn't winning all the primaries. Apparently I like her a lot more than I thought I did. Sure, she's hawkish and for some reason still married to a sleazebag (a competent and charismatic sleazebag, but a sleazebag nonetheless), she's "establishment" and over-handled, but there's a tenacity there that I really admire. I am disgusted by the constant outpouring of bald misogyny in the media (see Shakesville's ongoing coverage) that serves as "reporting" on the election. Por ejemplo: guess what, sometimes people cry. Sometimes they are women. The reaction to Clinton's "tears" in the media was ridiculous. That sort of thing doesn't win my "sympathy vote," but it will sure as hell win my motherfucking SOLIDARITY VOTE.

Perhaps because I am also a blonde female American, my ovaries and hers communicate in such a way that makes me want her to succeed. She puts up with a lot of bullshit, and I am proud to have her paving the way for other women in politics. Via Jeff Fecke (everyone's favorite feminist internet boyfriend), I took this Implicit Association Test in which I was TOTALLY crushing on Hills and Barry Hussein was almost as far down as McMaverick, who was not really that far above Huckabuck. So, what I'm saying is, this test proves that I hate men. No, what it proves is that my love for Hillary Clinton is growing and I am kind of embarrassed about liking her now that it's really too late for me to do anything about it. But you guys, SHE IS SUCH A BADASS. She has to be made of fucking reinforced concrete and steel to get up every morning and withstand massive amounts of hatred from all sides.** And she is so HOT. If I look like her at age sixty, um, I will be hot. And look like Hillary Clinton. But whatevs. (Don't pretend like the candidates' hotness isn't important to you, it's like my #2 factor.)

Also, she is solidly pro-choice and wants poor people to have health care and blah blah blah cogent arguments in favor of her candidacy. We're not really sure quite yet how this "nomination process" is going to shake down, but I for one will be not-so-secretly pleased if it turns out in Clinton's favor. Though the other guy's pretty good too. Okay, everybody wins!



*I am not, in fact, a man, I just like this phrase.
**Obviously, policy disagreements are legitimate attacks; gender- and blind Clinton-hatred-based ones are not.

Quote o' the Day: Reagan's Reanimated Corpse Edition

"You call yourself a feminist...I've got another -ist ending word for you...and that's COMMUNIST! Shame on you, sir, shame. I guess you can't be a feminist unless you also hate America. Ronald Reagan is weeping red white and blue tears in the deepest bowels of hell right now." -Kenny Blogginz

Old MacDonald had a link farm

Because I am inexplicably mildly hungover and it's a half day for me anyway since we're driving to the Wisc later today, I'm kind of not really doing any work. So, links! -Though I feel for her less-crazy constituents, I never pass up a good Michele Bachmann story. Michele Bachmann Cowers Behind Robot Phalanx to Avoid Voters (Wonkette) -Dear Republicans in my home state of Washington: nobody likes a cheater. Stop suppressing votes for Stephen Colbert as VP! washington launders the vote (skippy the bush kangaroo) -COCKSUCKERS!! "...you're probably also oppressing yourself." Somewhat NSFW at times, but always safe for awesome insights on feminism, sex, or whatever Figleaf feels like writing about. Mostly all y'all should be reading him and this was a random new post that I enjoyed. Sucking the Agency out of Fellatio (Figleaf's Real Adult Sex) -"Get them to print you a t-shirt with 'fascist' on it."* Keith Olbermann is a badass, take a drink. Seriously, watch it: Countdown Special Comment on FISA: President Bush Is a Liar and a Fascist (Crooks & Liars) Well, I've got about 45 more minutes to kill. This Diet Coke I'm drinking to ward off my headache/sleepiness says "GIVE LIVE LOVE" on the can. Thanks, Coca-Cola Company. I think I will take that to heart and start using a cheesy soda slogan as my life philosophy. But soon I am off to northern Wisconsin for the weekend, dear reader(s), where the bars are plentiful and cheap, the locals are sketchy and quick to sexually harass you, and the most pressing activity on the agenda is deciding whether to lay on the couch longer or go get in the hot tub for awhile. Hooray, vacation! Hasta el martes. UPDATE: Had had HAD to link to this blog and this post because this shit will change your life (or at least make you remember your elementary school library with fondness): "I'm starting to think that Claudia was actually some sort of bizarre idiot savant who secretly constructed a time machine and spent a lot of time checking in on 2007/2008." I think she may be right, have you seen what these "hipsters" are wearing these days? Super Special #8: Baby-Sitters at Shadow Lake (What Claudia Wore) *Enjoying my blog, counter-terrorism eavesdroppers?

Quote o' the Day: Gold Standard Edition

"There are so many fun 'Internet boards' where you can learn what the Ron Paul fans are really thinking about these days, now that a few of them are slowly starting to realize Dr. Congressman is never going to be the president of anything, not even World of Warcraft."-Wonkette on the crazy Paulites' Hollywood aspirations. Also, I've never played WoW, but I think the only thing a bunch of gamer geeks need to improve the game is a huge influx of libertarian politics nerds* who want to use the new "Warlock Election" features. *Obviously I know these groups are so not mutually exclusive.

OMG! Jane Fonda is a big potty-mouth!

I read about this incident on Jezebel earlier today and was like, "Blah, blah, blah, cunty cunt cunt cunt, who cares?" But then I was at the Yahoo! entertainment page to read the latest installment of Dear Margo (advice columns = awesome), when I saw this headline: "Jane Fonda uses vulgar slang on 'Today'" "Vulgar slang?" For cereal? They couldn't even bring themselves to mention the word in the article. Come on, guys, CUNT is one of those words that is so overly stigmatized. Ahem.

Let me clarify:
I'm not like, "Hey guys, just call me a cunt anytime you want and I will be all, 'I'm so post-feminist and don't even care. Giggle!'" But I am so totally down with the re-appropriation by the ladies for our own purposes. And you know what, DEAL. The powers that be are so icked-out by our lady parts, they don't even like VAGINA. Think of all those stories about people complaining about advertisements for "The Vagina Monologues" that I am too lazy to link to, because apparently correct medical terms are offensive. And it's not like we don't expect this kind of awesomeness from Jane Fonda on a regular basis anyway. Calm down.

So, to conclude:
Dear Patriarchy,
Cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt.

I highly recommend some wacky Inga Muscio for desensitization purposes. Works like a charm.

Yours Truly (and cuntily),
Lady McAwesome Who Is Blonder and Thinner than You

In honor of Valentine's Day tomorrow

This song is not only one of my top five favorite songs from 2007, but it makes me wish disco would come back. You know it has to be good.

Facial hair pleases me

Uncle Walt knows what I'm talking about.

I'm going to point you towards this post by Jeff Fecke because a) he is awesome and b) facial hair is your friend. Vote in the poll! I wish both that it were socially acceptable for women to have visible facial hair and that I could grow it. I'd totes have a big beard that I'd store snacks and leprechaun jewels in.

Dear Pluggers: I still hate you.

This Sunday afternoon, while emerging from an incredibly debilitating hangover, I had the misfortune of observing the following travesty on the back page of the comics section:



W.T.F.? Not only is there the regular amount of Plugger-idiocy ("Pluggers cannot comprehend how to use those new-fangled mouse-trappers everyone's been talking about, and instead are all crazy cat ladies!"), but there is something really awkward about the syntax. Did our friendly idea-submitter, Jim Stepleton, write this himself and was Gary Brookins just too goddamn lazy to edit it into something resembling coherence? Or is Brookins himself to blame for the fact that the caption seems to be missing a comma and is awkwardly long-winded? As my friend pointed out through my raging alcohol- and Plugger-induced headache, it could have just as easily said, "A Plugger Mousetrap," and no one would've been the wiser. It would have still been stupid, sure (this IS Pluggers we're talking about), but at least I wouldn't have had to stare at it, trying to figure out what's wrong with the wording. And also, OH MY GOD WHY IS THAT CAT SO LARGE AND SINISTER?! Pluggers should only be allowed to feature anthropomorphized animals who work blue-collar jobs and keep their jewelry in egg cartons, not regular, domesticated animals that inexplicably remind me of Richard Nixon and are about to commit rodent genocide! You know I love to hate you, Pluggers, but sometimes I just cannot comprehend how you could possibly be a worse comic, and then you go and do something like this.

Why has god forsaken all of us comics readers?


PS- If there are mousetraps out there that are actually cheese-powered mechanical contraptions of some sort, sign me up because I am ALL ABOUT the alternative fuel sources.

Lazy Monday Quote o' the Day

"When I was growing up, I was made to understand by Christians that you don’t say 'Jesus Christ' or 'goddamn' because these things were sins against god forbidden in the 10 commandments by Mr. Grumpy McJealous Yahweh." -Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon, who, as we all know, really hates Jesus.

OMG- new favorite website!

P.S. Will I be struck down for loving it when people throw around the word "Yahweh?"

Quote o' the Day

"Please. Please. Don’t make me watch another debate. No one cares, I promise... Don’t do it. Please. Please. I am unemployed and cannot fucking afford the alcohol." -Megan Carpentier to Obama

One for the road

It's my goal to try and post something every day, much like I've been trying to play the guitar every day. So, in that spirit, here's a video of one of my favorite songs to play (my version pales in comparison, obvs.)

Introducing Nietzsche Blogging

So I was about to re-read a philosophical favorite of mine (I actually do have one), Contingency, Irony, and Solidarity by Richard Rorty, and in the intro or preface or whatever he's all, "Nietzsche blah blah blah," and I was like, "Oh yeah, I've got The Birth of Tragedy and The Genealogy of Morals just sitting on that shelf, waiting for me to finally pick it up and fucking read it." So, dear Richard, I will do the requisite survey of Nietzsche before I get back to you and your delightful disavowal of absolute truth and objective morality. It has been long enough since Pretentious Ex-Boyfriend (henceforth to be known as PEB) left me for his Nietzsche-rrific honors project that I can read it without it having to be about PEB and his recommendations for BASIC READING REQUIREMENTS FOR NOT SUCKING AS A HUMAN BEING. I still refuse to go anywhere near Marcuse or Žižek, however.

The point of all this being that though I do read a fair amount of non-fiction for pleasure reading, I suspect it may be a bit more difficult for me to get through this particular set of works. Therefore, I have decided to make Nietzsche Blogging a regular thing, where I have to periodically discuss what I read, so I feel like I have a reason to keep on going. And then when I'm done, I can read something fun. Like feminist theory. Or a nineteenth-century epic romance novel. But so, so far I have read our Friedrich's own "Critical Backward Glance" that he wrote about The Birth of Tragedy sixteen years after its original publication. He's pretty much like, "I am definitely awesomer than I was like sixteen years ago, but I totally had great ideas and it's too bad I wasn't as awesome at writing back then as I am now." But then he talked about Christianity and actually said, "From the very first, Christianity spelled life loathing itself, and that loathing was simply disguised, tricked out, with notions of an 'other' and 'better' life" (p. 11 in my book). I totes feel that, Neech. If you're spending all your time thinking about how much Jesus is going to reward you in super-awesome heaven for being good, I think a certain lack of appreciation for our one and only mortal lives is kind of inevitable. And you end up expending all this effort following arbitrary rules instead of doing things like enjoying sex or alcohol, which are both awesome, by the way. By the same token, if Jesus is just going make up for all your suffering in the next life, it's also a lot easier to disregard all the shitty shit that goes down in real life all the time that if you are paying attention makes you want to cry and start a revolution and change the world. But if Jesus is coming back pretty soon anyway to take Chuck Norris and the rest of us good guys to heaven, there's not a lot of reason to worry about things like trying not to destroy the environment or ending world hunger or achieving social justice or whatever. But that's just what this apathetic agnostic thinks. I guess.

Quote o' the Day

"I think John McCain is a Maverick, in the sense that when I was nine or ten, my dad bought a used, blue Ford Maverick. It was highly temperamental, already too old for the job, and in the end the muffler fell completely off." -TRex

Sometimes I wish I were a smoker

There. I said it. I am completely enamored by the aesthetics of the smoking process. I pretty much only ever smoke if I'm drinking, and I used to do it a lot more when I hung out with kids who would take regular smoke breaks outside.* But there really is something sexy about taking a long drag and then watching the smoke blow away upon exhalation. Oh, and the finger-tap to ash it is divine. There's no cooler feeling. I'm especially fond of cloves. Yum. They taste like Christmas. Or rather, what Christmas would taste like if it were made of deliciously sugar-tipped cancer sticks. I usually keep a pack around, and am always sad when I smoke them and remember, "Hey, I have asthma." Also, the aftertaste is not particularly pleasant. But I suppose that's why you just pour another drink and cleanse the palate.

Apparently they have cool kids in Germany too.

What I'm saying is, tobacco marketers, is that your advertisements work. I had always found cigarettes unappealing before I became a regular drunk, but then all those clichéd messages about smoking making you look cooler turned out to be TOTALLY TRUE. (It felt true, anyway.) They do not, however, make you look older. Whenever I see pictures of kids smoking, I kind of want to cry. YOU JUST LOOK LIKE A TEN YEAR-OLD WITH A CIGARETTE. WHO GAVE THAT TO YOU? GO PLAY WITH YOUR BARBIES AND CALL ME IN TEN YEARS. What I'm saying is, I'm really, really glad I'm not addicted to nicotine, and don't wish that upon anyone, especially not ten year-old Cambodian factory workers in National Geographic. However, if you're a grown-up and you're going to smoke even though it's going to burn a hole in your throat and make you smell sketchy and cost you lots of money that you could be buying booze with, I'm not going to nag you to quit. Because smoking is kind of cool. I might even ask for a drag or two next time we're drunk together.

*Note: I don't actually really inhale cigarettes, but I could still get mouth cancer if I did it often enough.

Sometimes cute boys with spiky hair have the best suggestions

Click the video responses on YouTube to watch the subsequent episodes (there are 13). Oh, the random.

A word of advice

Relationships always result in two things: pain and bullshit. Just ask the ladies of Apartment 3-G. Fuck that shit, man. Stick to things that won't let you down, like fictional characters (I'm looking at you Bret and Jemaine) and alcohol. Just sayin'.