Pluggers. You know the drill.

Dear Gary Brookins and also contributor "Bill Fountain" whose family is constantly ripping him off: OKAY. Pluggers have drug problems. Strung-out Plugger wives and ungrateful Plugger children steal small bills from their poor blue-flannel-collared family patriarchs in order to feed their addictions. We GET IT. You can at least buy a nice energy drink with that remaining $3. Also, try using an ATM (they give out big, shiny Andrew Jacksons!*) and then hiding your money somewhere no Plugger would ever find it. Like in the vegetable crisper.** Love, Everybody SEE: All previous Pluggers posts. *I just realized I have never written about America's Most Democratic President Except for Maybe Jefferson on this here blog. On the to-do list. **I just like that word, crisper. Crisper. Crisper. The initial k and the s-p consonant cluster really make the word itself sound crispy. All those voiceless consonants are crisp. KRRRISSSSP, I tell you! So much delightful aspiration. /linguistic nerdiness