Energy Drink Review: V8 Fusion Energy Diet Cranberry and Raspberry

When I was temping at a terrible semi-industrial office in Toledo for a middle-aged dude who was way too interested in my personal life and also carried a weapon at all times a few years ago, I first tried the V8 Fusion pomegranate/blueberry flavor. I said it was "better than nothing." Since this time, numerous other flavors have been released and since my stomach has finally started rebelling from all the abuse I've inflicted upon in the past decade or so, I've basically given up Diet Coke and am looking for alternatives for when I don't (yet) want to bust out a full energy drink. I knew I'd be starting working again, so I bought a six-pack of the cranberry/raspberry flavor, which is also apparently "diet" somehow. Whatever.

FLAVOR: It tastes like cranberries and raspberries! I can't really taste the green tea the caffeine's been extracted from, which is good because of how I am a picky asshole. It's actually pretty good. Though the can says it only contains 8% juice, 100% of it TASTES like juice and is non-carbonated and truly not bad for something ostensibly healthy.

EFFECTIVENESS: It is just an 8-ounce can, so it may not do much, but we'll see! I had to get up and come into my new temp job (which is a place where I used to have a real job before I destroyed my life and finances with grad school) an hour early so another new employee and I could be "met and gret," which is how I described it to Isaac at the unholy hour of 8:30 a.m. But there were free donut holes and tiny scones, so that's something at least. I think the small amount of caffeine in this can is combining well with the anxiety I'm currently experiencing about fucking this whole thing up and therefore proving to my old bosses they were right not to rehire me to keep me pretty alert.

OVERALL: Recommended. Now that I've been unemployed for awhile and therefore not mainlining caffeine and have also developed some kind of physical aversion to too many carbonated chemicals, this kind of thing is an adequate substitute. Also, good for mornings.