Anti-Energy Drink Review: Neuro Sleep

A while back, I positively reviewed the Neuro Sonic energy drink. I recently acquired one of the company's sleepy-time beverages because for science and also a lifetime of insomnia/nightowlishness. Also, my brother said they work pretty well, and since I usually sleep from about 6:30 a.m.-3:00 p.m., maybe I could drink this and get myself to bed earlier. Or whatever, I just want to see what it feels like and it is already 4:30 in the morning and I am only marginally tired. Though I would be getting ready for bed right now anyway and would probably just go do crossword puzzles in bed for at least an hour, but only after my rigorous dental hygiene regime. I no longer have insurance, people, I have to take extra care!

I call bullshit if I don't have dreams about laying on a hammock between two bright orange palm trees.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I had a Diet Coke at like 10:30 earlier this evening and my caffeine tolerance is quite a bit lower right now than usual since unemployment/not ever having to be anywhere, and also I've had some booze. Results with fewer chemicals in one's system will inevitably vary.

This beverage will apparently help me have a more restful sleep and "normalize" my sleep patterns (HAHA NICE TRY EVERYTHING NEVER GONNA HAPPEN), also relieve muscle cramps, and also help me relax. This bev contains melatonin (heard of that), magnesium (heard of that), and L-theanine, which I am too lazy to look up. Let's try this shit and see what happens.

FLAVOR: The drink itself is non-carbonated and orange in color. First sip reminds me of not just simple orange juice, but perhaps something tangerine-y. It's got a good tang to it, though not thick and icky like Sunny Delight or something. Fact: I think one of the reasons I've always hated SunnyD is because my parents used to bring it on road trips, so it just reminds me of being carsick. The screwdriver was my default cocktail at home for many years, but I usually didn't order it at bars because they often used some sort of gross knock-off SunnyD instead of legit orange juice. Which is all to say that this drink tastes okay.

EFFECTIVENESS: Ten minutes and about 30% in, I feel slightly more tired. But it is 4:45 a.m. and I did go on a kind of epic bike ride today. So it is hard to say at this point, is what I'm saying. Ten minutes later and slightly over halfway through, I'm feeling pretty good about the direction of my sleepies. Though I have to say I do actually like doing crossword puzzles before bed, and I don't think it's going to happen tonight. I'm contemplating whether I can floss right now. I'm mostly concerned about mint/orangey taste clash I suppose, but I'll let you know how it goes. Boy, I really am getting sleepy. Update: the combo of flavors is kinda weird, but I'm getting tired enough that I don't care. It's now 5:05 and I'm just going to chug the last 25% of this so I can get my teeth brushed too before I crash.

Next day update: This drink made me get pretty sleepy much faster than normal, and though I stayed up writing about it, I fell asleep earlier than I probably would have reading or crosswording in bed.

Overall, I'd recommend it as a sleep aid, though drinking it and brushing my teeth in a short time span was a real concern for me because of flavor-clashing. However, I slept solidly for several hours before waking up for the first time this morning, which thanks to alcohol and anxiety, can sometimes be a problem. Obviously I went back to sleep until 3:00 p.m., and I can't say that I feel any sort of Neuro hangover. Or you can just try the new "We all know why you really use Nyquil, so let's just stop pretending" stuff. Whatever.

Semi-guiltily sleeping through the revolution*

Oh, hey guys. I've heard some rumors that some political things are happening in this country right now. I have heard that regular people dirty, jobless hippies who hate America have been taking to the streets to express their displeasure with the economic crisis and how the federal government spends all its time calling each other names and getting reelected instead of working on that whole crisis thing--but I guess that's only okay to do if you are conservative and carrying a gun. But whatever, we hear in Little Apathetic College Town, Ohio have an OCCUPY of our own! Can you believe that? And the fact that only 1/35 students had even heard of Occupy Wall Street three or four weeks in actually has driven me to attend more than one event! Yes, their apathy was so strong that it actually broke mine!

But unfortunately I am lazy and hate joining groups and making commitments and showing up places and doing things, so I haven't done much, but I have participated in more than one general assembly meeting! And they are so long and so full of kind, well-meaning people who think we should vote on how we will decide which decisions we should put up on Facebook and whatnot. Anyway, I am conflicted by guilt by not feeling inspired to do more.  Protest corporate banks downtown? But it's Friday, and I need a nap. Make the movement visible on campus on a Saturday morning? Did you say Saturday morning? Bitch, please.** Also: it is getting COLD. And I lived in Minnesota, I know winter, but I do not like winter. I consider winter something one must pass through hurriedly between heated buildings/drinking establishments. I do not consider winter something I need to sit in for a cause. I will never be that hardcore. (Re: that link- 21ST CENTURY TRENCH FOOT! That should be a band name.)

See, I feel solidarity with the Occupy movement in general because I went to hippie liberal arts college and I am poor. Our economic inequality is pretty extreme here in America and one of the main reasons I am considering abandoning an academic career is the severe lack of job or financial security in my future. This guy cleverly explains the situation. Assuming I decide to finish and get my degree, I will be part of a two-PhD couple competing for the same scant jobs. We're probably looking at years of trying to patch together a decent household income adjuncting. Adjunct instructors have no security (semester-to-semester contracts, no benefits, considered "part-time") and also get stuck with all the intro/required courses. I don't know if you guys know this, but the kids who are in these classes do not want to be there. Here is another fact: neither does the instructor.

So friends, I have now shared with you my conflicted feelings from my cozy warm couch. Now enjoy this ridiculous Herman Cain "Imagine" parody video I jacked from Wonkette:



FUN FACT: My first real job (post-paper route) was at a Godfather's Pizza.


*And not in a tent in a park or a brick courtyard or any of that shit.
**Sleep is far more important to me than political action, clearly.


UPDATE: I should also mention that I actually am quite busy during the week. I've got lesson plans and grading and hundreds of pages of reading and classes to go to and office hours to sit in and sleep sometimes when I'm not too anxious between assignment due dates. So, it's only, like, 53% laziness. It's when I DO have free time that I actually feel guilty about not getting out of my sleeping Burrow to protest shit.

Between energy drinks, I sleep

I had a dream recently in which I met Ed Begley, Jr. through a mutual friend, and I surprised myself at how un-shy I was around him. Of course, all I wanted to talk about was Bill Nye. He kindly obliged me. I had another dream where I was going running with the Perpetual Roommate* on a gravel path. There was a steep hill that we kept going up and down. For some reason, I was barefoot and the rocks did not hurt my feet at all. Later that day, after I had woken up and forgotten about the dream, the thought popped into my mind that running barefoot was something I just did. Like, regularly. *This is funny in and of itself because she would ask me to go running with her maybe twice a year during the time we lived together, and I would always laugh. Because I am lazy and didn't used to exercise. But then later I actually started running, but we still never went together.