Energy Drink Review: Neuro Sonic

I discovered a new line of performance-enhancing drinks in the shop in the student union today: Neuro beverages. I decided I didn't need the kind that would help me fall asleep,* but I thought perhaps the kind that's supposed to enhance my mental performance would help me apply for some jobs or blog or something. The promotional sign in the store claimed there was a type to make you feel sexier or something (Neuro Gasm), but I only see "Neuro Passion" on the website, so perhaps they realized stores would think that was kind of creepy and changed the name. Anyway, the Neuro Sonic flavor promises mental energy, focus, memory support, and HEALTHY AGING, which now that I am nearly 29 is kind of like a big deal. Haha just kidding, all these energy drinks will probably give me Taurine cancer before I actually get old, so who cares?!

See, the Gasm one totally exists!

Flavor: Neuro Sonic is red. And it kind of tastes red. I like that it comes in a plastic container with a twist-off lid so I don't have to drink it all right here right now if I don't want to. (Obviously I will though because all that is waiting for me at home is a house full of crap to pack for my impending interstate move.) I wonder if the lid is recyclable? It is lightly carbonated, which I like because I feel like something is happening to my body--unlike more juice-based beverages which don't bubble like they are causing chemical science to happen. I refuse to believe you are giving me energy unless I experience some unnatural sensations! Guys, I found out that everything is recyclable. DON'T WORRY, EARTH! It doesn't taste "red" like fruit punch red quite, or cherry popsicle red, but it tastes kind of fruity in a vaguely fizzy and pleasing sort of red way. (Sorry I'm not an energy drink sommelier people, but I'm trying to describe as best I can.)

Effectiveness: At 14.5 ounces, it's better than just a can of pop, but perhaps less intimidating than your average 16-ounce energy drink can. It is working nicely, I must say. I feel energized more than just a Diet Coke or something, but it is very delicious and probably eats away at my tooth enamel slightly less!

Verdict: HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.


*Here's how I fall asleep: Daylight hours- lay down. Nighttime before it's an appropriate time to go to bed- lay down. Actual bedtime up to about dawn- don't even bother and/or Benedryl.