If you are not in pain, you are insufficiently feminine

So, can I just say some things? I read the feminist blogs. Obvs. And I am always seeing shit people find that is supposed to make ladies better ladies. Like makeup or impractical but pretty shoes, diets, plastic surgery, banishment of the appearance of intelligence, humor, and/or self-esteem, and fucked up shit that is supposed to make your vagina "tighter" or "more youthful." Today I saw an ad via Feministing for something called "Hymen Gel" that is supposed to tighten middle aged ladies' vaginal canals. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? (this should be read inwardly in the whiniest voice possible) I am going to make some points that are numbered because writing full paragraphs with topic sentences and shit is not conducive to the rage:

It is possible I have edited these ads in MS Paint.

1. Having a "youthful" vagina AKA having an intact hymen (which has very, very little to do with whether or not one is a virgin, BTW) is a creepy aspiration. Fetishizing virginity is messed up in that it leads to the sexualization of young girls by gross adults and perpetuates the societal myths about sexually experienced women being "used up" like old duct tape.

2. One of the ads asks whether there is a "gap" in your "relationship." If this means that your tired old vagina is just too big and saggy for your man's tiny penis and it gives him performance anxiety, then, well, that is fucked up. Because if your PIV sex is unsatisfying for your man, then CLEARLY there is something going wrong with the V! The natural state of your vagina is wrong and you need a pink, girly GEL or CREAM or SPRAY or DOUCHE to fix it, you icky, icky, girl.

3. This product and its thousands of marketplace brothers and sisters perpetuate the idea that heterosexual PIV intercourse is the only legitimate form of sexual expression and that women should be applying weird muscle-contracting gels to their ladyparts in order to MAKE IT WORK GODDAMMIT, because heaven forbid we try something else. It privileges the heterosexual male's pleasure and disregards the fact that for many women, vaginal penetration can be fun but doesn't really do it for us.

Ew.

4. Perhaps most importantly: COMPLETE DISREGARD FOR FEMALE PLEASURE. Now, I'm not going to go set up one of those quiz widgets to survey all y'all, but from my own experience and those of my straight female friends I've actually talked to about this, I'd say a product that makes it "feel like the first time" is pretty much the most unappealing thing ever. I've got no regrets about my sexual choices, and The Sexy Gay Jesus knows we've all got to start some time, but I would say that without a doubt my first (and second) times having the PIV were really quite painful. I know this is not everyone's experience, but at least a little bit of pain is fairly common for women and girls their first time(s) out, and the idea that we would willingly recreate a "tight" vagina to eliminate the "gap" in our sexual relationships is completely ignorant of this fact. OUCH.

So fuck you, Hymen Gel. I am not broken, my vagina is not "too big,"* and if that hurts some man's precious penile-focused ego, then TOO BAD. Applying medication that makes your vaginal muscles seize up so that your husband can feel like a big man who fucks teenagers is WRONG and, I'm assuming, painful. I'm sorry for the women who have been convinced by the patriarchy that it is their fault if PIV isn't a rollicking, youthful, multi-orgasmic experience for everybody involved, so I don't want to tell women who buy this shit that they're stupid. THEY are not stupid, they are trying to cope with the culture and/or relationship they live in. But it is sad. Sad, sad, sad. And people need to know that and know why. While I certainly understand that people's sexuality is variable (between individuals and at different times of our lives or even our days), if in general, you're not enjoying it, if you're doing yourself more emotional or physical harm in order to please someone else than you are receiving pleasure, you're probably doing it wrong. It might be time to reevaluate. Go to a sex therapist, don't buy Hymen Gel. For god's sake, please don't buy Hymen Gel.


*I'm no gynecologist, but I do know that a vagina cannot be "loosened" by "too much" sex. It can permanently change in size through the process of childbirth, causing the muscles of the vaginal wall to slacken some. For some women this may become a legimate health problem  if it leads to prolapse, etc. HOWEVER: giving birth is actually one of the biological purposes OF a vagina, so if you do choose to have children, you're not doing anything to your body it wasn't meant to do. Meaning: YOU'RE NOT BROKEN.

Things that are wrong on the Huffington Post

Sometimes I look at HuffPo and scan it for funny video clips or interesting headlines. Usually I'm just like BLAHBLAHBLAH don't care and I NEVER read the columnists because, again, I don't care. But anyway, I do look at it sometimes because they often have breaking news first and in REALLY BIG FONT. Here are some things I did not like upon my latest perusal: This story linked to from the front page with accompanying fashion photos:

Chloe Sevingy and Zoe Saldana wore a similar bra-out look to a Prada book party in Los Angeles Friday night. Presumably both dressed in Prada, the "Big Love" and the "Star Trek" actresses avoided posing together.

LADIESBOOBIESCLICKHEREBIGFRONTPAGESTORYNEWS. Amirite? BTW, the above quotation is the story in its entirety. This headline is on the "Politics" page: "Levi Johnston Posing Naked With Hockey Stick In Playgirl." Crucial information for voters everywhere, obvs. This headline: "FDA Questions Safety Of Alcoholic Energy Drinks" with this photo: Hey, uh, HuffPo "Business" editor, that picture is totes outdated. Sparks no longer has caffeine. DUH. Should've asked a teenager. On to Entertainment: "Is Daniel Radcliffe A Pothead?" Really? You're really asking that? Here's some answers: Maybe. Probably. Who cares? I'd totally get high with Daniel Radcliffe. I bet it'd be hilarious, he seems like a cool kid. Also: "'Twilight' Director Reveals Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson's Romance." SHOCK SHOCK SHOCKILY WOCK. SRSLY, haven't we known this since we found out who these actors are? And: "PHOTOS: Nicole Kidman Busts Out At CMAs," 'cause boobs, right? Right below that link: "Carrie Prejean: The Bible Allows Breast Implants." HuffPo is there when you need news about other people's breasts most. Also, Carrie Prejean is apparently a biblical scholar. I usually don't go to any of the links past Entertainment, but today I did, and boy am I glad. The main "Living" headline is "What Would You Do For God?" Nothing. I don't do favors for imaginary beings. Except for The Sexy Gay Jesus, but that's because he's my Imaginary Gay Best Friend in addition to being my Deity of Choice. Also, he pays me back in booze. Anyhow, let us look at some of the photos featured with the stories on the "Living AKA LADEEZ STUFF" page: WAIT. WTF jolly fat lady who apparently can't stop herself from grabbing that cake? That was to illustrate Oprah's Dr. Oz's article on "health reform." Totes not problematic or anything, right?

Dear Mr. President but also the Congress:

Hello? Mr. Barack Obama? Messrs. and Mmes. of the House and the Senate? Could I talk to you guys for a minute? So, I was wondering about this "health care" thing you've been working on. See, the thing is, one day I will no longer be a grad student but may not be able to find a job that provides benefits and right now my teeth are rotting from all the energy drinks and I don't have dental coverage and also my boyfriend had to pay with some money he didn't have for some sort of testing that should totes be covered but isn't because student health insurance is crappy AND expensive and I hope to avoid ever having to go to the emergency room for routine (or emergency, obvs) care that I will have to pay for out of pocket and also I don't hate poor people and am also kind of poor, so could you just give us a public option and stop all this pussyfooting* and palling around with your boyfriends in the "health" "care" lobby? Those people are bastards who want to rip us off and you guys need to figure out a new way to fund your campaigns. So, as my pal Julia would say: "Either do it, or don't do it.... But do it." Love and universal coverage because socialism is actually kind of awesome and I know because I went to Scandinavia last summer, Lauren C. For personal documentation, see here. *What is that even supposed to mean? Is it about cats? I'm pretty sure it's misogynist, but whatevs. UPDATE: I consulted the Canadians (who also know a thing or two about health care and also not shooting each other):

pussyfoot → intransitive verb 1. move stealthily or warily. 2. act cautiously or noncommittally.

I guess because pussycats are so stealthy and good at avoiding doing shit... like the Congress!

Other bloggers also concerned about booze and boozing

Much to my dismay, marketing executives seem to believe that if they do not blatantly direct their advertising towards, say, women, women will never realize that they want, nay, NEED this product and buy lots and lots of it, mostly in pink. Or like, it has to be covered with naked ladies playing football while eating bacon on top of a car in order for something to appeal to men. This is because said executives think people are stupid. They also think that commercials are good for anything besides elevating brand name recognition. Seriously, if it were up to me, most TV ads would be like:

• "McDonald's. Just reminding you that we're still cheap." (instead of that ridiculous new campaign to make them appear "hip" "diverse" and "urban" or whatever the hell is going on)
• "Clothes. Here are pictures of some of the new ones we have at Old Navy." (without those stupid mannequins making borderline offensive really clever quips)
• "Axe. Smelly shit for sexist assholes."
• "Apple. Our products are color-coordinated." (stop trying to convince us that John Hodgman is not way awesomer than that smug sweatshirted dude who is or isn't still dating Drew Barrymore)
• "Detergent. You, gender neutral person who washes his or her own clothes like any regular grownup rather than treating a romantic partner like a servant, need it."
• "All products from the beauty-industrial complex. Ladies: we've already convinced you you're inadequate, fat, ugly, and unlovable the way you are, so we'd appreciate it if you'd keep buying our stuff, and we'll stop making insulting ads."
• "Beer. Wait, why do we even bother advertising beer? You're going to buy it anyway."

Just a sampling of my own advertising genius. BTW, Madison Avenue, I'm taking calls. My new favorite blogger Sady at Tiger Beatdown takes apart Ketel One's "Remember when men could dress up in formalwear and play cards and drink vodka together? Oh, wait. They still can? Whatever, Ketel One is for dudez" ad. I am far more unsurprised than disappointed, despite my long-established love for Ketel One, esp. Citroen AKA CANDYJESUSORGASMMAGICSAUCE. Sady proves the commercial right by drinking some Ketel One and turning into the hottest piece of hairy-chested, mustachioed, short-shorted manmeat ever to grace '80s prime time television. Also, currently on the Retro Network every night at nine. Check out the funny: Calling the Ketel WHACK. (Tiger Beatdown) Also, the Apostate has captured quite accurately my inner response to non-drinkers (who aren't Mormon or anything obvious like that): "WTF? Don't you like fun and also delicious beverages?!" Choice Apostate quote: "[A]s we all know, it’s shared dysfunctionality that creates loving bonds between misanthropes." So true. Go readz it: You don't drink?!!. (The Apostate)

You wouldn't stick just ANY unnecessarily gender-identified item in your ear, would you?

Really? REALLY? REALLY?!!

So I have a new neighbor. I thought Karaoke Jesus was being replaced by another singing Jesus fan lady. That was apparently only temporary. For one Saturday morning a few weeks ago I was awakened by the sounds of a dude on the phone, trying to convince his girlfriend Sam that that "disgusting bitch" who drove his car home last night just dropped him off and they totally did not hook up. Choice highlights: "Don't let rumors ruin this!" "Let me come over and talk to you. What, you have plans? At 10:45 in the morning?" "I'm hungover as shit." "I love you so fucking much." "NOTHING HAPPENED." And I'm pretty sure nothing happened because I would have heard that shit. Since this time, Sam has yet to make an appearance, so as far as I know, they broke up over those rumors. My dear neighbor has come to be known as TV Guy. Why such a creative nickname, you ask? Because he watches a lot of TV. Really loudly. Like, all the time. Like he has a super-fancy sounding subwoofer hooked up to it right up against my bedroom wall and I can hear every line of dialogue. And then he sleeps with the TV on. He turns it down for that part, but it's still going when I wake up really early to go to one of my jobs. And speaking of jobs, I'm pretty sure TV Guy doesn't have one. Anyway, so I'm a light sleeper and this super-loud TV thing late at night when I have to work in the morning thing is not going to work. Did I mention he likes loud guitar music, both for listening and for playing on his own electric guitar? Also, he smokes a lot of pot that wafts into my window while I'm trying to sleep. I suppose the upside would be if I actually got a contact high and was able to sleep through his interminable viewings of super-noisy Simpsons episodes. After a few ridiculous nights, I was a little drunk and Isaac was over to encourage me, so I went ahead and knocked on the wall. I asked if he could turn the TV down, he did, and I said thank you through the wall. Even so, I decided that I needed to invest in some earplugs. I perused the earplug section at Kroger and discovered that there are far more options than one might expect in that department. But I spotted something so ridiculous and offensive that I was forced to buy it so I could take pictures and blog about it. These:

Only the slightly thinner, hot pink earplugs will work to block out my husband's snoring!

SCENE: Thursday night, Lauren is drunk. Super fucking loud action show bleeding through the wood paneling at nearly 3:00 in the morning when I have to work at 9:00. I am in bed with my pink earplugs in, it is still too loud, and Isaac confirms independently that the volume level is ridiculous. I do not want to get out of bed or be polite. I grab a romance novel and throw it at the wall. TV Guy reacts very quickly to turn it down. I hope this will be our last confrontation and he'll be like, "Hey, maybe on weeknights after midnight I should turn this shit down to under 11 because some people like my next door neighbor who has now both politely and irately indicated that the television might be too loud may have to get to sleep so they can work for a living in the morning. Also, I should stop having such emo hair. But the first part is a priority." Anyway, I can't get over the fact that this Hearos brand sells a) so many different types of earplugs and also some sort of pop can opener/lid thing (Why is that necessary? Pour it in a sippy cup, people! Buy a 20-ouncer with a twist-on lid. Seriously!), some special earbuds, and more and also b) WTF WHY DO LADIES HAVE TO HAVE SPECIAL EARPLUGS THAT ARE PINK?!! Are they PH balanced for a woman's ear? Do they secrete some especially lady-friendly vitamins for my special lady ear vitamin needs? I HATE MARKETING DEPARTMENTS. "Let's make it pink, say it's for women, and sell it as a separate product!" Great idea, assholes. Anyway, check out their "TV" site. Click on the dial for channel 2 for a great commercial. They are right about beauty sleep always being in fashion, though. I should tell TV Guy about that.

Hump Day Linkage

-xkcd = my life, once again: -Sadie at Jezebel takes on Cosmo's constant efforts to make you insecure, this time encroaching on sacred cuddling territory. "Because as we know, in Cosmo land, why try direct communication when there are tricks and wiles and boas!" Cosmo Takes the Fun out of Cuddling. (Jezebel) -J. Stewart gets sassy about Minnesota's as-yet-unresolved senatorial race. Also, Al Franken in a sexy speedo: -Though Melissa reports that it looks like Ted "Tubes" Stevens may finally be finished. Ted Stevens Loses. (Shakesville)

Random trivia-related haberdashery: Dolls and hair

A couple of weeks ago for trivia, Anne and I wrote a "Dolls" category, in which Anne reminisced about a childhood favorite of hers, "Dolly Surprise." I never had a Dolly Surprise, but I knew people who did. I don't think I ever felt that I needed a doll whose hair could be adjusted by cranking her arms. I always just opted to cut my Barbies' hair. Especially common was cutting off their bangs, because seriously, if you thought bangs on real people were out of control in the late '80s and early '90s,* you should have seen Mattel's interpretation. Anyway, I found a picture of Dolly Surprise and decided to randomly post it. Also included in that round: Chatty Cathy, Kewpie dolls, Cabbage Patch Kids, and Bratz, to which Anne referred to as "those slutty, big-headed dolls." Classic. We are pretty much the best trivia hosts ever.

ADDITIONAL ANECDOTE: When we were small children, my siblings and I were playing outside one day. Someone got a hold of a pair of scissors. My oldest brother was never implicated in any of the crimes, but let's just say my other older brother left me with un poquito bald spot in my ponytail and I left our little sister sans bangs. Being under the age of five at the time, I refuse to accept responsibility for my actions. Although there is like a year's worth of photos of my sister with these ridiculous extra-short bangs. Our mother was PISSED. Sorry about that, kiddo.


*Believe you me, my forehead got its fair share of curling iron burns before church, I can attest to the validity of that observation. DISCLAIMER: My mother was curling my bangs, not trying to burn my forehead in an abusive manner. On at least one occasion, however, she didn't notice and when we got to church fifteen minutes later, she was like, "Why are you crying, Lauren?" But as she always said, "It's better to look good than to feel good." Thanks for that, Mom. Thanks a lot.

More posty post

Still living the ROCKSTAR® lifestyle here, and not much work to do (avoiding a tedious project with no real deadline that I was only given because I ran out of other stuff to work on), so I'm a-gonna link link link to some good stuff on the Toobz. I'm just going to clear out my list before the weekend, so hold on to your hat! -Remember a while back when I was complaining about how HuffPo condemned their "Living" page to the Pink Ghetto? Well, apparently they took its former green color and made a "Green" page. Okay, fine. But you still didn't have to make all the articles about feelings pink. The Sexy Gay Jesus thinks it is in poor taste, too. And you should always trust The Sexy Gay Jesus on these issues.* But ANYWAY, through the new green Green page, I saw an article about one of my favorite afterschool television heroes, Bill Nye! He and Ed Begley, Jr., another ridiculous person, are neighbors and are trying to see who can be more environmentally friendly. Nerdy competitions that are good for the earth? 100 points awarded to each. Hey, remember when Bill Nye made that grass car? (Featured very briefly in video.) Glad to hear the Billster's still around, up to science-y shenanigans. Bill Nye, Ed Begley Compete to See Who's Greener. (Noaki Schwartz, Huffington Post) -Okay, so crazy, crazy Jesse Ventura has been talking about jumping into a Senate race close to my heart: AKA Al "Awesome Glasses" Franken v. Norm "How Do You People Not See What a Huge Douchebag He Is?!" Coleman. Colleen Werthmann has made some helpful (and awesome) diagrams to help you figure out who you should vote for in what is soon to be known as the 2008 Senatorial Clusterfuck. Minnesota's U.S. Senate race is crazying up nicely. (HuffPo's 23/6) -Apropos of the fact that I am (still) reading Naomi Klein's awesome, awesome book and learning about how Milton Friedman was an evil genius, I appreciated William K. Wolfrum's take on McCain's "economic plan." Prepared to run Milton Friedman's sixth term: John McCain lays out plans to 'starve the beast'. (William K. Wolfrum/Shakesville) -From a while back, The Apostate talks about turning into a bitch. And how it's awesome. I totally agree. Being a nice girl never got me shit, it just got me shit on. Learning to be assertive (still working on it) is a skill too many women never achieve. Don't put up with bullshit, people. You're a person.** I don't care if I come off as bitchy just because I stand up for myself. I'd rather be a bitch than a pushover. Any day. Learning to be a bitch. (The Apostate) -Our dear Hugo wrote a while back about boys and education. The Kathleen Parkers of the world like to claim that education is a zero-sum game: if girls do better, boys must do worse. This is, obviously, bullshit. There's not a finite amount of literacy in this world, people. Anyway, Hugo always comes at things in a really interesting way, and here he tackles some issues that have bothered me for a while about the whole gender/education/achievement mess. Poor white boys: school leaving, male under-performance, and the disaster of masculine anti-intellectualism. (Hugo Schwyzer) -And one more: My sister is the biggest badass at BYU. Pretty much. Goal: Become a legit Led Zeppelin fan: Led Zeppelin I (Cheerful Cynicism) *NOTE: I definitely get a good number of hits from people searching "sexy gay." These people must be severely disappointed that I am just talking about my imaginary gay best friend/deity of choice and do not actually feature porn. Sorry, gay Googlers! I hope you like nerdy U.S. history posting! Hey, Ulysses S. Grant was pretty hot. That's the best I can do. **"I'm a person. Bret's a person. You're a person. That person over there's a person. And each person deserves to be treated... like a person."

Warning: Maybe TMI

WTF is it with these fruity condoms? Apparently "Her Sensation" also means "bright pink with a strong artificial candy-type odor." Listen, condom people: sex smells like people, it shouldn't smell like you just walked into Bath & Body Works. The good thing about becoming a promiscuous ho, besides all the promiscuous sex, mind you, is that my stupid fruity condoms are almost gone. I won't be buying that shit again. You may say, "Lauren, is this just an excuse to brag to the internet that you've been getting some?" And I might respond, "So?" Best summer ever.

I discuss the motherfucking issues, motherfuckers

Performing fellatio on this firearm will totally cancel out the need for VAWA, right?


It's time for another edition of "Lauren links and rambles about gender and whatnot." Your favorite! (!!) ! So I'm a-gonna get to it:

GENDER & VIOLENCE*

There are a couple of bright pink signs posted on a fence next to a busy thoroughfare in my neck of the woods that say something to the effect of: "LADIES- STOP BEING VICTIMS. GET A HANDGUN." And it lists a phone number, supposedly for some sort of arms supplier. Those signs piss me the fuck off. Something I should really make an effort to do before I move away is follow through with my plan to make another, bigger sign to cover one of the pink ones that says: "MEN- STOP BEING PERPETRATORS. END VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN." Fucking fuck, people. Seriously. The signs came to mind as I read a few posts this week, emphasizing two big issues having to do with feminism, gender, and violence:

1. The idea that a gun, or any sort of self-defense method is a "good enough" solution--or any solution at all, really--to the real-life epidemic of violence against women.

2. Generalized ignorance about the role gender training plays in the perpetuation of violence done by men.

So, discussion with link-age:

1. HAVING A GUN IN HER COLD, DEAD HANDS DOESN'T CHANGE THAT WHOLE COLD AND DEAD PART: Or, why more guns are a terrible idea

A douchebag "feminist" columnist that I am too lazy to link to suggested, as many other well-meaning douchebags have in the past, that maybe feminists should be all pro-gun and shit so we can shoot men before they get a chance to rape us. Right. Okay, well let's just disregard the fact that most rapes are committed by someone known to the victim. I mean, I probably wouldn't carry my handgun to hang out with friends or friends of friends that I knew and trusted as much as anybody. This is not even to mention the issue of domestic violence: you have to get to a pretty serious breaking point as a victim to be able to shoot your abuser, and most abuse victims wouldn't be able to get away with obtaining a gun and being able to use it without the abuser finding out first and punishing them. And doesn't it seem like common sense, that the more guns there are out there, the more people will get hurt by them? I don't even want to imagine what a bunch of cranky shoppers in line at the grocery store might turn into if one or more of them revealed that they were carrying a gun. I mean, I've worked in a grocery store, and PEOPLE ARE ASSHOLES. FOR NO REASON. Easy access to deadly weapons would only exacerbate the problem. And as far as gender-based violence goes, Amanda said it well (as usual):

Instead of laying a challenge to the dominant worldview that accepts male violence, we try to grant women access to the same male violence by obvious phallic symbols. But having a violent phallus of your very own doesn’t do much, practically speaking, against the violence perpetrated by the be-phallused against the un-phallused.

Lining us all up like Civil War soldiers to shoot at each other doesn't really solve the problem. We need to stop focusing on what the victims are (or should or could be) doing, and start looking at who's victimizing them, why they're doing it, and why the hell we put up with it.

This leads me to....

2. I'M JUST SAYING THAT MAYBE IT MIGHT POSSIBLY BE A GOOD IDEA TO PERHAPS EXAMINE THE MESSAGES SENT TO MEN AND BOYS ABOUT VIOLENCE: Or, why expecting the worst often just gets you the worst

You know how increasingly, these news stories pop up about how "girls are becoming more violent" or whatever? I'm not saying that's not a problem, because violence = never cool. HOWEVER: how often do you see your local Fox affiliate investigate "boys continue to be encouraged to treat others cruelly in order to maintain some bullshit definition of masculinity"? Oh, more attention is being paid to bullying in general (and this is a boon to everyone), but what I think gets lost in the mainstream discussion is this examination of gender. It's the fucking Manly Olympics again that is fucking everyone over. Are men REALLY naturally more violent than women? Does testosterone ACTUALLY cause them to act irrationally, keep them from practicing self-control, and force them to harm others? Well, due to the fact that I know plenty of non-violent men, I'm going to have to go ahead and call shenanigans on that nonsense. It's just more evo-psych bullshit that uses biology to try and justify shitty social norms as "natural" and "determined by evolution." STFU. Seriously.

Ashley at Feministe really crystallized the argument:

Anyway, believers in testosterone zombies aside, anyone paying attention can tell you that men are more likely to be violent largely because their violence is condoned and even encouraged as a normal aspect of male identity. The fact that, as the headlines above show, perpetrators of violent crime are assumed to be male unless stated otherwise shows just how normalized male violence is...

...I’m often amazed at how invisible we make the identity of dominant groups in analyzing the behavior of their members, as opposed to the way we imagine that every member of a marginalized group is representative of the entire population of that group.

It's ridiculous how the patriarchy uses negative stereotypes about men (that they're violent, can't control their anger or lust, are incompetent at basic household tasks and/or with children, etc.) to absolve themselves of responsibility. Women have to do all the shitty household work because BOYS DON'T KNOW HOW. Women have to avoid being raped because PENISES ARE JUST TOO HARD TO CONTROL. If I were a man, I'd be pissed as hell that not only are these stereotypes accepted as truth by large swaths of society, but that all men are required to fulfill them. A certain amount of assholery is expected of men themselves in order for the proper masculinity quotas to be filled. This is not cool. It hurts people of all genders. Let's make a new masculinity, okay? In fact, let's make lots of masculinities and femininities and hold hands and sing the gender-neutral version of "Kumbayah." Because as cheesy as that sounds, it's sure as hell an improvement over the current state of affairs.


*I put the headline in pink so you would know that it's about "girl stuff."

I wear my reviewer's cap for books, too: Pin-Up Grrrls AKA awesome book I wish I'd written

So, after watching the fantastic The Notorious Bettie Page with Ka$h (a rare movie we could agree on, though our local independent video store has tragically CLOSED and I don't know what we'll argue over now), I remembered I'd processed a book about pin-ups and feminism back when I worked in the library.* So I went and checked out Pin-Up Grrrls: Feminism, Sexuality, Popular Culture by Maria Elena Buszek and added it to my seemingly never-shrinking pile of books to be read, and eventually got to it. Can I just say that it was awesome? Because I am saying it. It was awesome. This is exactly the kind of interdisciplinary analysis of pop culture that I'm totally hoping to pursue in my academic career.** I have to say my main complaint was that there weren't enough illustrations. Sometimes she'd be talking about a particular image, but we'd just have to imagine it as she described it. Stupid lame academic presses that won't shell out for more pictures!

But so content: Buszek gives a fascinating and thorough outline of the history of what came to be known as the "pin-up." The coolest part is that she explicitly fleshes out the connections between sexualized imagery of women in pop culture and Western feminist movement in general. Just as fascinating as Pin-Up Grrrls is as an art history or cultural studies text, is Buszek's ability to retell the story of modern feminism in a really accessible way. She successfully uses material culture (pin-up images) to help illustrate how women were publicly perceived at various times. And so while we get to see the evolution of the portrayal of sexuality in popular culture, Buszek makes clear that this is part of the continuous historical narrative of feminism. Even during its "lulls," the women's movement was contributing to and reappropriating pieces of culture that were subversive, empowering, and celebratory of women's sexuality.

Buszek starts out discussing how the advent of easily-reproducible photographs in the mid-1800s led to the earliest identifiable pin-up-type images being disseminated to promote certain actresses. They quickly gained popularity, and became standard for any woman of the theater to have done. Some of the imagery was pretty risque for the time: scandalously small costumes, dressing in drag, etc. And though the styles are obviously dated, you get the sense that the women being photographed retain their subjectivity in a frank and anachronistic way. They appear to be in control of the messages they're trying to send, and seem to really relish their ability to buck contemporary mores restricting women in the public sphere. Buszek calls this an "awarishness," that marks early theatrical pin-ups as feminist in nature. And one of the most interesting and important points she makes is that though they are often created to titillate male viewers, women have always made up a large part of the pin-up's audience. These photographed women are allowed to transgress cultural boundaries that ordinary women cannot, and are rewarded with popular stardom instead of ostracization. The appeal is obvious.

In subsequent chapters, Buszek goes on to discuss the ebb and flow of support for feminist causes through the early twentieth century, using illustrations like the Gibson Girl to trace the development of a new, more modern and independent ideal of femininity. The suffrage movement was the main focus of much of the first wave of feminism, and some of its proponents didn't shy away from using the theatricality of pin-up imagery to promote their cause. During a quieter period of feminism in the post-20th Amendment, interwar years, the emerging motion picture industry brought with it a whole new set of pin-up subjects. Movie star fanzines have been around since the early days of silent films, and young women have long been their biggest consumers. The progressive view of women (and the special social allowances given to actresses) presented in these magazines and represented by their idols helped feed the incipient feminist resurgence that would come with the homefront demands of WWII.

The huge blow-up of what we now see as the "classic" pin-up image popularized by the Varga girl occurred leading up to and during the war, and captured an acceptance of a more overt feminine sexuality.*** Unfortunately, as we all know, the immediate post-war period was all about "get back to the kitchen" and judgey-judgey sexual double standards. And then came Playboy. The pin-up had definitely shifted from more subjective to objectifying. But rebellious imagery was still being created, with the mainstreaming of bondage-inspired photo shoots and such (Bettie Page!), even during the buttoned-up 1950s. As time past, the classic Varga-type pin-up came to be seen as, well, cheesy.

When the '60s rolled around and the second wave of feminism started heating up, artists and activists started drawing on these cheesecake images to express subversive messages. Conflict within the movement over whether sexualized imagery of women could really be considered "feminist" continued through the nasty sex/pornography wars of the late second wave and into the emergence of women of color and third-wave feminisms in the '80s and '90s. More recent feminist artists have again reclaimed the pin-up as a mode of expression, both drawing from and undermining the layered cultural messages (re)presented**** therein. This tendency to accept the artifacts of popular culture as important influences on our lives is part and parcel of the third wave. The difference between just kowtowing to any sort of exploitative depictions of women and realizing the power of such imagery and media and using it OURSELVES to reshape the message is the type of action Buszek is trying to celebrate with the writing of Pin-Up Grrrls. She has definitely bought into post-modern ideas of reappropriation as useful tools in feminist expression. The best part is that she links the attitude of reclaimed sexy modern pin-ups with its predecessors, the subversive and just-as-popular theatrical pin-ups of the nineteenth century and all that came between.

So: read it! It will give you great fodder for nerdy academic conversations about sexualized imagery of women, as well as a good grounding in basic modern feminist history.


Also recommended for awesome pop cultural feminist history magic: College Girls and Pink Think by Lynn Peril (especially College Girls). It's a good thing they always put pink on the covers, or else I wouldn't know it was for girls! (This is sarcasm. See: Pink Think and my recent HuffPo rant.)



*I used to work in the library. On campus. It was sweet.

**Though I have recently decided that when I get to grad school I should try and form a band because music is fun, and being in a band is a surefire way to pick up chicks hot hot boyfriends (the desired result, in my case). The MA/PhD/professor track is still the back-up plan, however.

***In a drunken discussion with Ka$h post-Bettie Page movie, I decided a classic pin-up girl would be what I would get if I were to get tattooed. Still thinking about it, actually.

****My crazy first-year course professor would be so proud of me for using this term this way. (Notice the single dangly earring. OMG.) If she remembered who I was.

Open letter to Arianna Huffington: WTF pink?

Dear Arianna, I may have stated before that Feministing was my gateway drug to the feminist blogosphere, but my gateway drug to the blogosphere PERIOD was The Huffington Post. Arianna, I saw you charming the pants off* Stephen Colbert back in the day, and I knew I wanted to read your website. And once I got a job where I had to spend hours of each day pretending to be busy at a computer, your site was where I went first. I actually FOUND Feministing through HuffPo. But I have to say, it's not what it used to be. Listen, I still check it first after email and Facebook each day and before I log into Google Reader, but I mostly just skim the headlines--I've got to be honest. Ever since you expanded to all those different sections, it just hasn't been the same for me. I miss not having to click through to read Eat the Press. I have a budding repetitive stress injury, Arianna, and I just have to conserve my energy where I can. And you added that "Living" section. For me, this section is just an online version of the New York Times' "Life & Style" women's stories ghetto. And for a while it was a green** page, kind of pretending not to be just for chicks, even though it had lots of stories about women's lives, advice, etc. Fine. But it's been getting lamer. I never read the blogs or even the advice columns (and I LOVE me some advice columns, believe you me) because I feel like I'm reading Woman's Day or something. No offense to my mom (who reads WD), but that's not what I got into blogs for. And now the last straw. You made your fucking page PINK. COME ON. And to top it all off, I'll give you a sampling of today's lame headlines: -5 Reasons Men Should Be Grateful for "Sex and the City" THERE ARE NONE. No reasons. Even the semi-ironic ones some dude comes up with. It was a shitty TV show, and I'm sure it's a shitty movie. I don't begrudge people their guilty pleasures, but let's not pretend like SJP changed sexual politics in America by saying the word "orgasm" in public and wearing ridiculous clothes. Also, that VOICEOVER. Get real, people. < /rant > -Girls Gone Vulgar: One Man's Take This is accompanied by a photo of Sarah Silverman. I don't really think she's very funny, personally. But I also don't give a shit about some guy's opinions about her and other "vulgar" ladies. -Behind the "Mama's Boy" Stereotype I don't know about you guys, but I really like essays that investigate stereotypes. By which I mean, confirm them. This links to an article on the Psychology Today website that talks about adult men in Italy that don't want to move out. -What Your Hemline Says About You You know what it says? It says how long of a skirt you're wearing. -The Perils of Going Barefoot I'm pretty sure they involve stepping on shit. Like when I stepped on a bee and got stung when I was four. I don't need to read an article to know that I should watch where I walk when I'm shoeless. -Meditation Is the New Psychotherapy Right. Anyway, Arianna, I realize that your duties as blogger-in-chief don't really put you in the trenches for day-to-day decisions like "should we just admit that this is a lame girly page and make it pink so the boys don't accidentally read it?" But seriously. I disapprove. I mean, I wasn't reading this shit before, but now that it's all labeled in pink, I'm even less likely to do so. And I feel dirty that I had to click on some of those articles to see what they were actually about and contributed to the ad revenue. Stop making shit pink. Your "Living" page can still be lame, whatever. Just don't make it pink. Please. Yours annoyedly, Lauren *Not literally. Unfortunately. **In color. I have no idea whether the production of HuffPo's Living page is a green process or not.