Think you can't drink straight liquor? You haven't tried this.

Ordering some sort of classy liquor on the rocks is one of my favorite things to do at a bar. I mean, I like the drinking the classy liquor part too, but there's kind of a badass feeling I get from saying "fuck you, mixers!" and just going for the gusto. (Is that, like, a thing that people say? Whatever, who cares.) This whole "drinking straight liquor" habit is also a great way to build up the ol' tolerance. After perhaps some unfortunate missteps. But seriously, say goodbye to your lightweight days, boys and girls, and say hello to spending way too much money on booze.

FIRST STEP TOWARDS ENHANCING YOUR FUNCTIONAL ALCOHOLISM AND LITERALLY DRINKING ALL YOUR MONEY AWAY:

Delicious, delicious Ketel One Citroen. Some people think flavored vodkas are girly. To this I respond:
a) If by "girly" you mean "inferior," then STFU you misogynist asshole.
b) I. am. a. girl. Again, not an insult.
c) It's too bad macho manly men have to spend all their precious drinking time on things that don't actually taste good, because I'll take another umbrella in that drink, thank you very much!

But anyway, as far as the top shelf-ish vodkas go, I definitely recommend regular Ketel One as pretty damn good for the price, only to be surpassed by the only good thing to ever come out of Iceland: Reyka.* It's like water, it's so smooth. But even better than water is CANDY. And this is what Ketel One Citroen tastes like. Fucking vodka candy. I like to order the ice on the side sometimes, so I can add it slowly and keep the booze cold without it getting too watered down, which would be a shame because it is DELICIOUS.** Sure, you could throw it in some cocktails and it would taste really good, but I recommend it on its own. Seriously: if you don't think you can drink liquor straight or even on the rocks, give this motherfucker a chance. Your tongue and your liver will thank you.


*Don't even fucking get me started on Grey Goose. Overrated, overpriced.

**Also highly recommended for this: Rangpur, AKA gin candy.