Pluggerwugger

Oh yeah, I still have this blog. I've been pretty busy not getting a real job or making any progress on putting together a dissertation committee, and also breaking my glasses in half and then breaking my bank account and my credit card to buy new ones, so sorry I haven't been around to amuse you. I think we can all agree that though my life is kind of overwhelmed by important milestones and worthwhile activities right now, Pluggers  is still a beautiful, terrible, easy, easy target.

I don't think I get it. Are her baby and giant baby bag supposed to be "balanced"? Because the bag looks heavier. Or are they talking about how "balanced" it is for ladies to work a shift at work and then come home to the domestic "second shift"? Either way, hilarious! (?)

To give these guys the benefit of the doubt, you have to remember the massive amounts of glue they've huffed together over the years. #BFF #YOLO #AerosolCansFTW

I don't think there are that many jobs (anymore) where people don't call you by your first name. I mean, at least your coworkers do, right? Also, if dead-end service industry jobs full of overly-familiar and entitled asshole customers make you a Plugger, then I suppose all of America are Pluggers now.

Hahaha, Pluggers live paycheck-to-paycheck!

I am a fucking Plugger. Dammit, this was supposed to be fun, not depressing.

Mustache wax?! Look at this fucking hipster.

Things I read, things I'm doing

I read all of the internet every afternoon between doing the Lord's Work. I see interesting stuff sometimes.

Guys, Wonders and Marvels is both wonderful and marvelous. So much fantastic and strange historical nerdery! I particularly enjoyed this post by Jack El-Hai about how a) people used to watch kangaroos "box" for funsies and b) a tragic elevator accident made people realize that maybe this was not such a good use of our precious kangaroo resources. Fact: several years ago, I was buying a new pair of Adidas Sambas (the world's greatest shoe, probably) and was slightly chagrined to learn that they were made of kangaroo leather. But then I consulted the internet and found out that kangaroos aren't endangered or anything and I no longer felt guilty. True story.

In crypto-anthropod news, apparently a hot Siberian summer sent the local Yeti population to seek cooler climes farther north. Highlights of this article from the Voice of Russia include a description of one encounter where, sadly the Yetis "'did not answer our greeting,' one of the eye-witnesses, Vitaly Vershinin, said." Yetis can be such fucking snobs, you guys. Don't take it personal, Vitaly. Also, one expert's description of the alleged humanoid creatures: "They use neither instruments of labour, nor clothes or fire, but they are sufficiently intellectual. Besides, they are well known for their paranormal capabilities." I for one can't wait to find out what kind of intellectual/paranormal contributions Yetis and their Samsquanch cousins can make to human society. It's really only a matter of time before Bobo catches one, right?

In a post on his WaPo Wonkblog last month, Ezra Klein takes on the issue of poverty and "personal responsibility." Being poor is soul-suckingly depressing, it is hard, and it is expensive. And oh yeah, it requires you to be personally responsible for nearly every aspect of your day-to-day life. Can't put food stamps in an off-shore account, bro.

Sadly, I will not be live-blogging tonight's town hall presidential debate. Which is probably the best for both my sanity and my liver. But I WILL be attending a Chip Coffey event here in St. Paul! Will seeing the fantastically no-nonsense bescarfed psychic in action convince me to believe in an afterlife? I suspect that my ambivalence will be confirmed, but that Chip will be charming. I'm going to try to make myself ask for a picture with him when I get my book signed. We'll see if I can follow through.

Also, remember when this happened? I bought a few more flavors (they're only $1 a can!). I'm drinking the pomegranate berry flavor Max Velocity right now and it is delicious and awesome.

The end.

UPDATE: I just wanted to send a link love over to Blair (the blogger formerly known as B.), the blogmistress/curator of STFU, Parents a collection of majestic parental overshare and self-righteousness. She recently un-anonymized herself and people be hatin' on her for apparently not being attractive or child-having enough to qualify for internet snarking. This is misogynist bullshit, obviously.

A conspiracy in the works

Why is my student health insurance (through Aetna, who by the way, once claimed on a statement that the student health insurance that I buy through the school and am required by the school to have doesn't cover visits to the student health center, you know, on campus, but I digress) charging me $23 for a seasonal flu shot I got a couple of months ago when I was able to get an H1N1 vaccine for free last week? Also, why did the regular flu shot make me feel ill for 12 hours and like I got punched in the arm, while the H1N1 shot just itched a little bit the next day? When I find out whichever government agency is harvesting my genetic tissue for nefarious biological weapons research, they'd better not have charged me for it. Assholes. I can has move to Canada now, plz?

Blog business

Dear readers, There is a day in every sporadic blogger's life when she checks her email to find comments upon very old posts and goes, "Oooh," but then they are links for women's viagra and/or in Russian. It has become apparent to me that the spambots have found my blog. So, to my two or three friends who sometimes comment, now you have to type in one of those secret word thingies when you comment. I know: HARD, but would you rather I continue to get fake comments that just disappoint my soul and are sometimes creepy? So suck it. Here's some Pluggers to make us all feel better about our lives: Pluggers are so broke, they're going to try and bring back a barter economy! "I know it is only 79 cents for that ridiculous/sad "crispy potato"/ranch dressing taco,* but will you take a paper clip necklace made my granddaughter? They are different colors!" Haha. Poverty, amirite? Also, they are tragically beverage-less. *Not worth a try. Trust me. Yuck.

The saddest thing I've seen today

Granted, I haven't left the house today. Instead I woke up, outlined a response paper, drank a gigantic Monster Heavy Metal* and wrote. Now I am on the internet. And sometimes I am like, "I should blog. But I am lazy. Hey, let's go see how depressed and/or outraged Pluggers can make me!" So yeah. PLUGGERS ARE YOUR GRANDMA: A single tear runs down my cheek. I'm not buying that shit, though. I'm still trying to get my food stamps back. Your extra nonsensical forms will not hold me back, government entitlement programs! I have half a master's degree! *Short review: supposedly "green apple," mostly kind of gross, but I wrote a nine page paper in about four hours, and that's pretty speedy for me. Though who knows when I'll get to sleep tonight. Also, 32 ounces is RIDICULOUS, but once it was open, I felt obligated to finish it. They should borrow from their own resealable "import" design that they stole from European beverage manufacturers.