TERRIFYING: Lauren Watched the Mulaney Halloween Episode

Motif is convinced their dead neighbor is haunting his room. Mulaney steals the dead guy's jokes because somethingsomething writer job. The girl roommate tries to inherit the dead guy's rent-controlled apartment. Andre trick-or-treats. There's a subplot involving a shiva for the dead guy and missing catering. IT'S SO GOOD AND SO SCARY, GUYS. SCARY GOOD. JK, it's not good.

MORE HORROR: I watch episode #2 of Mulaney

I made Isaac watch the second episode of Mulaney with me. It's entitled "The Doula," so you know it's gonna be real good. WOMEN'S BODIES HAHAHAHAHA EW.

Pluggers and the Bleakness of American Life

Oh hey guys, it's been some time since I took the easy way out by making fun of one of America's worst cartoons. These Pluggers panels from the past couple of months revisit some of our favorite reader-supplied themes of depravity, hypocrisy, and hopelessness. In the form of cheerful, anti-intellectual giant human-animal mutant people, of course! Let's do this thing:

I'd make a bestiality joke, but since the characters are already animals, aren't we just witnessing a douchey Plugger bear husband trying to pressure his Plugger (fox?) wife into having a threesome with the family pet? Yeah, I went there.

Lest you think I'd forgotten one of this comic's most common themes, this couple brings us back to the importance of prescription drug abuse in the lives of Pluggers. Also, that chicken lady is about to eat a turkey. Ew.

I'll be honest, I have no idea what the joke is supposed to be in this comic, but I am amused by how fat that cat is.One of my students today's "weird/memorable fact" about themselves was his family's 35-pound cat. Few things are funnier than really fat cats.*

If Dogman here is so goddamn set on trite but apparently compulsory displays of patriotism, you'd think he could afford to just fucking buy another pin.

Pluggers is pretending to be sexually progressive! It's almost cute in its "totally missing the point"-ness.

I'm not going to write out a specific joke about Chickenlady's husband's severe incontinence problem, but I just wanted you to know that's where this panel took me. You're welcome.

Not only do Pluggers have massive prescription drug addictions that are probably the only thing keeping the unholy man-beasts alive at this point, but their drugs are all "not fit for human consumption" and whatnot too!

*Seriously, Google image search that shit. You will NOT be sorry.

I contemplate why this comic would never happen

Is anyone else confused about this timeline? According to something actually reputable I read here on the internet, smallpox vaccinations were routine in the United States until 1972. Up until then, it was recommended for all children at the age of one. So technically a person born in the U.S. as late as 1970 or 1971 could have been subject to routine vaccination. That would be make said person nearly forty years old now. And while, obviously, it is possible for a forty year-old or younger person to be a grandparent if they had children young and so did those children even without having gotten pregnant while technically still in high school, I do not think this is usually the demographic Pluggers is meant to represent (they're supposed to be OLD). Also, which "war" would we be talking about in this case? The Persian Gulf War? I'm pretty sure that never happened. Let us consider a different timeline. When someone asks "Grampa" about the "war," I myself think of World War II. Both of my grandfathers served in the Navy during that conflict, and one of them also served in Korea. I know a bit about my maternal grandfather's war experiences in the Pacific mostly because my mother is both nosy and a gossip, which I love and is incredibly valuable in picking up family history tidbits. However, I NEVER would have asked my grandpa about the war or where he got a specific scar. Maybe that's because we don't talk about personal things in my family or maybe because I'm pretty sure I was never in the room while he was shaving because that would be weird and we don't do that and also my grandparents are all dead. But really, to be a WWII vet, this dog-man would have to be, at the youngest, about eighty years old. And if his family reproduced later in life, he could perhaps have a grandson about eight years old or so (I'm guessing from this illustration, I don't actually know how Plugger men-beasts age). But do eight year-olds know much about WWII? Maybe if they watch the History Channel a lot. I mean, I remember reading stuff about the Holocaust in about fourth grade or so, so I'm not really sure. But would a child of that age really have a good conception about what it means for a man-dog to go to war and possibly be injured, and transfer that association to his own family member, when it happened several decades before his birth?* But what is probably most likely in the generational timeline featured here would involve a grandfather who served in Vietnam, in which case, unless you are the grandchild of great American Hero John O'Neill who I know way too much about and who just can't stop talking about Vietnam, I don't see a kid knowing that much about it. See, even in my AP U.S. history class in high school, we covered the Vietnam War by reading a couple chapters and watching some TV specials about the sixties or something. Because, you know, it was all controversial and we lost our national manhood by losing there and blah blah blah. Not as many heroic movies made about it. So what I'm saying is, what child of this age would be all cognizant of all those issues listed in the WWII example and connect them to their own grandfather who probably doesn't really want to talk about "the war," if anyone ever mentions it at all? These are the various assumptions I'm bringing to the table here about why this scenario is unlikely in the first place. Also, Gramps' response doesn't really make sense. And it's not funny. Also, dogs can't get smallpox, though they can go to war. *I will concede that if a Plugger-child were to have an immediate family member CURRENTLY serving in one of our current overseas military clusterfucktastrophes, he or she would likely have a better grasp of these issues than the average child.

Disturbed

Guess who had a delightful new experience today? Yes, me! Good guess. I have never called the police before this morning, but today I got lucky. See, I was awakened at 7:30 this a.m. (traumatizing already) by a woman very nearby repeatedly screaming "Get off me!" OMFG I totally thought a lady was getting raped in my building and I got up and grabbed my phone and put on flipflops to go investigate where this terrifying yelling was coming from. I soon realized that some of my neighbors were involved in a very heated argument. A man and a lady yelling a lot and an occasional loud noise (I do not even live next door to these people). So, I called the (non-emergency number) police. By the time they came, it was quiet (of course), but I heard the coppers talking to them and no one was arrested or taken to the emergency room or anything. So that's good. I am now irrationally afraid to leave my apartment as I do not want to run into this particular man neighbor and have to say hello like I totally didn't call the cops on them this morning. At least I didn't have to call 911 and report a rape in my building, because that would have been slightly more scary. Friends, have you ever called the police? Did you ever think you were in the middle of a terrible rape scene while first emerging from sleep? Is it normal to feel kind of guilty? But wouldn't I feel more guilty if a lady were being raped or beaten and I just pretended it wasn't happening like the rest of my neighbors? This was not a regular argument, people. And WTF, who is that angry first thing in the morning? Tell me about your brushes with domestic disturbances, friends, and we'll all feel better together.

Back to basics: Still hating on Pluggers

Despite my recent worries about the status of America's Worst Comic™, and to everyone's great relief, Pluggers still seems to be going strong. The last two days have brought me particular disgust/joy. I will submit to you the caption from Sunday's comic, without the illustration, so you can see why:

Plugger water sports aren't in the Olympics.

I'm sorry I just did that to you, readers. No one needs those kinds of mental images. But I'm kind of sadist, so I'm not really that sorry. Misery loves company, my friends. And then, to continue documenting Gary Brookins' not-so-subtle endorsement of substance abuse, today's edition:


We all know Pluggers are too cheap and anti-elitist for any of that real, New Age-y, namby pamby aromatherapy shit. It's clear what we're really talking about here: socially acceptable gateway drugs. Next thing you know, "Little Plugger" and her little pals are gathered in your blue-collar garage while you're off playing "water sports" or cleaning your gun or buying cheap plastic crap on sale, huffing anything she can get her hands on. "Just a little aromatherapy, Ma and Pa. Helps me forget that I am a freakish dog-girl destined to a life of unceasing misery and degradation. Just like you. Whoa, I'm kinda dizzy."


More Plugger drug use: here, here, and here.


UPDATE: Josh had the same thought I did about Gary Brookins' latest blatant drug reference. If I weren't on so many prescription anti-depressants myself, the constant parade of Plugger substance abuse would really be bringing me down.