A post about stuff other people have been posting about

For awhile, Ta-Nehisi Coates over at The Atlantic has been singing the praises of our own Ulysses S. Grant's memoirs of the Civil War. Apparently he's kind of bitchy, and that sounds awesome. You know I've covered Grant myself here (he's also the one next to Lincoln on the banner above), but ever since I read Doris Kearns Goodwin's awesome Team of Rivals a few months ago, I've gained a greater appreciation for the old drunkard.* Especially since that book really traced out what an incompetent douchebag George McClellan was. Anyway, Coates thinks Grant is basically a real-life superhero and wants Kevin Costner from the '90s to play him in an awesome movie. I support this. Also, 20 extra points for Marvin Gaye reference. The point of all this is that history is cool and now I'm getting Isaac to check out Grant's 500+ page memoirs for me to read. For fun. Because I'm a nerd. But apparently I'm not really a student here right now because I graduated and I don't technically enroll in the PhD program until later this summer. Or something. Whatever. Isaac can do my library bidding since he's on campus anyway and I am in a cubicle in Toledo.

On an unrelated note, have you guys heard this shit about the little girl in Seattle whose white teacher couldn't handle the "smell" of her hair product or something and kicked her out of class? Yeah. That happened. Over at Racialicious, Andrea Plaid takes on the various gendered and racialized stereotypes brought out by this classic example of "the Delicate White Woman Frightened by the Negress’ Physical Being" (Plaid). Because SRSLY: I'm sensitive to a lot of perfumes, etc., but I don't ask people to LEAVE my presence. Especially ironic in this case was that the girl was the only non-white student in an advanced placement class at a school named for Thurgood Marshall. Seriously. That part happened, too.

But in case that doesn't make you depressed enough about the world, Jill at I Blame the Patriarchy attacks the disgusting coverage surrounding a 13 year-old girl whose self-induced abortion with a PENCIL with the help of her 30 year-old "boyfriend" are causing people to call her a stupid slut. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to go ahead and say seventh graders can't consent to fucking 30 year-olds. So this grown-up man has been dating raping her for a year, gets her pregnant, and she (or HE) so desperately doesn't want this baby that she tries to induce a miscarriage with a fucking pencil and basically bleeds for three days. That sounds to me like an action taken by a terrified victim. One who happens to still be a CHILD. But apparently some people think she should be charged with a crime. Because they are assholes and don't understand what rape or abuse are and don't understand why she might not have had access to a proper medical abortion. Have I mentioned that I hate the world?

If that makes you too sad, just think about how awesome Ulysses S. Grant is. The Civil War's not, like, depressing or anything, right?


*I do have some issues with Goodwin's depiction of Lincoln's mental health in this book, however. She claims that because he was mostly functional he was merely "melancholy" of temperament and not actually "depressed." I haven't done the archival research she has, clearly, but he sounds like a classic depressive to me. We don't all just lay in bed all day and cry, sometimes we accomplish things and manage to also have a sense of humor at the same time. Just sayin', Doris Kearns Goodwin, it's okay to admit he was depressed. It's not actually that big a deal.

Women's "Health" AGAIN

Dear House of "Representatives": Hey, way to go on that Stupak shit! Heaven forbid we act as if uterus-bearing bodies need medical care. I mean, different kinds than boys. Icky stuff like that is only for special interests. And ladies should have to pay for that shit themselves. Especially what with women having all that total economic equality and whatnot. Insurance companies can't possibly be asked to cover lady procedures. Especially not for slutty slutty slut women who have S-E-X. Besides, I know all y'all congresspersons are too busy struggling with the concept of "majority" and trying to be all, like, REVOLUTIONARY in your "reform" bill-passing. Concessions take a lot of energy, AMIRITE? Anyway, girls are gross and conservatives are intimidating and LIFE TAKES COMPROMISE. Besides, it's not like the Democrats need women to get elected or anything. Love, Lauren "I hope Planned Parenthood takes food stamps!" Chesnut Hey, remember this?

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
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I Hate John McCain: A Rant, Or: In Which I Get All Liberal and Elitist on Your Ass

I don't "hate" you, I just want to "control" you. Super-scary photo via Shakesville.

In what is sure to be a shocking revelation, I'd like to officially state that in my objective opinion (totally not an oxymoron): JOHN MCCAIN SUCKS. You may say, "But Lauren, shouldn't we be trying to raise the level of our political discourse by engaging in substantive discussion of the issues and not resorting to ad hominem/feminem attacks?" And I would reply, "Hominem? What is that--gay or something?" And then you would cry. But ANYWAY, so John McCain. Crazy, angry, old, belligerent, geographically unknowledgeable, etc. Let us count the ways: 1. JOHN MCCAIN HATES WOMEN He thinks our "health" is being used to promote the "pro-abortion" agenda. Whereas I think his espousal of "pro-life" beliefs are really just the same old "misogynist bullshit used to control women's sexuality up to and including putting our physical and mental health at serious risk and forcing us to become pregnant and give birth against our wills." But whatevs. My lady parts are probably causing me to lose control of my emotions again. And we all know that I've got mental "health" issues already, so I should probably just be sterilized to play it safe. Or maybe if I just got married and started having lots of unprotected sex and getting pregnant, motherhood and wifery would make everything ALL BETTER. Also: WTF IS A "FAILED ABORTION"?!! Does this happen? Is it common? How is it even possible that such a rare and unlikely medical situation should be subject to national legislation? All about the "babies," eh? More like "all about the keeping women from full bodily autonomy and/or any agency or choices at all." Ahem. Fuck you and your scare quotes around the concept of women's "health," John "Maverick" McCain.* 2. JOHN MCCAIN AND HIS CAMPAIGN ARE A-OKAY WITH (BEING) RACIST ASSHOLES Not that he or Sarah Palin or the Republican Party have ever tried to appeal to the most hateful, ignorant demographic of U.S. citizenry by implicating that Barack Obama is a Communist/terrorist/Muslim/unpatriotic/scary black dude or anything. Nope. Not a-once. 3. JOHN MCCAIN IS A RAGE-AHOLIC Watch and cringe (via Crooks and Liars): 4. JOHN MCCAIN WILL PROBABLY HOOVER IT UP OVER THE ECONOMIC CRISIS

Will not someone provide cigarettes for these poor children?

See Jesse Taylor on how this "Joe the Plumber" nonsense is really evidence of a) a poorly-run campaign and b) the Right's continued attempt to get working- and middle-class Americans to vote against their own interests. John McCain hates you (us) almost as much as he hates women, affordable health care, and taxes.** And while I have to say that I am pleased to be somewhat sheltered from this economic collapse of the whole world or whatever by being a poor graduate student who wouldn't have any money anyway, it would be nice if we could try and fix it for the sake of, well, pretty much everybody else. And me, when I'm done with school. Or if I'm ever to afford groceries. Now it's your turn! Name all the reasons you think John McCain would be the worst thing for America since the last couple of elections' winner. *See previous. **For rich people.

Today's links brought to you by a glowing sense of vindication

Sorry to gloat without explanation, friends, but this one's not for the internet. Yet. Just sayin' that I am in a great mood, and only just now opened an energy drink. So happy hump day! Wipe those Cheeto crumbs off your fingers, change into a fresh pair of pajamas, and open up the blinds on that basement window, blog readers!* I gots some linkies.

-First comes from the Boozehound Cinephile (I bow down to the more experienced drunk). The bloggers over at Pajiba have been writing about good TV shows or something, blah blah blah--he talks about screwdrivers. In the involved and analytical sort of way only a true conoisseur can appreciate. Apparently the screwdriver is a telltale "alcoholic's drink." Just because we've kept massive amounts of frozen orange juice concentrate on hand for the past four years and it is a VERY rare a occasion that we have even less than two different bottles of vodka, doesn't make me an alcoholic! Seriously, people. Although I did like Ted's theory that drunks like screwdrivers because they can just pretend that they're drinking juice. I mean, not that I would have ever done that in the presence of some nice Mormons who came to visit me shortly after I left the church and was still letting them come over, pretty much only because I knew them personally and felt like I should let them fulfill their home and visiting teaching callings. That would have been really tacky. For the record: I do order screwdrivers in bars sometimes because I want something simple and not carbonated, but I only consider it a true "cocktail" if we're using vodka at least one step above Smirnoff and orange juice that tastes something like actual oranges and none of that sickly sweet Sunny D shit. The Dirty Dozen. (Ted Boynton, Pajiba)

Mulder likes screwdrivers, take a drink.

-I know I've got her over on my short blogroll and she doesn't update a lot, but seriously, you HAVE to go read Terrible Mother. She is seriously one of the best writers on all of the internet. She will break your heart and patch it up with her poignant, funny, and engaging accounts of an everyday but amazingly beautiful life lived. Yes, I'm being sincere for once. Please don't walk away! She uses sarcasm too! Go check out her latest post (as well as the archives), written on location at her dying grandmother's house in California. She talks about family, love, and relationships with an honesty and an accuracy (if that makes sense) that I've rarely seen in writing. In California, I Dream of Snow. (Terrible Mother)

-So recently GWB was like, "Hey, thinking about maybe possibly looking at the 'family planning' section of Walgreen's** is totally an abortion and we're not going to fund that shit," and HRC and (one of my home state's two awesome lady Senators) Patty Murray were like, "Nice try, assholes." A lot of people are talking about it, but I'll link to Amanda's post because, you know, I like doing that. Everything's abortion. (Amanda Marcotte, Pandagon)

-Speaking of women and choices (esp. vis a vis reproduction), Lisa Kansas spells out clearly how people would just prefer that we not have any, because any choice we do make is WRONG. "'Men' and 'mankind' apparently not being defined to include 'ambulatory wombs.'" (Lisa Kansas, PunkAssBlog)


All right, we'll call this good for now and save a couple links for later. Or tomorrow. Whatever.


*If you do not read enough blogs to realize that these are all stereotypes about bloggers, well then... I just felt really super-nerdy all of a sudden. Goddamn the webernets are an insulated place sometimes.

**So I totally bought (non-fruity) condoms at Walgreen's yesterday, and I swear the older guy (like, in his sixties "older") who works there a lot and always seems kind of patronizing was acting especially jackassy to me. He gave me shit about unloading my own basket (it had other things in it besides condoms, people) because "no one ever knows what to do with them afterwards" and seemed annoyed that I tried to use the pen pointer thing on the credit card screen. I was TRYING to be helpful, asshole. But apparently I shouldn't help you avoid repetitive stress injuries or preserve the integrity of the touch screen. I can't say for sure that he was judging me for being a whore, he does have a shitty job, but I can't say for sure that he WASN'T.