Today is a Diet Coke day

Fuck the dentist. I'm too lazy to leave my building to go get an energy drink, and I don't want anything else from the pop machine downstairs. I'm having a fucking Diet Coke. It will probably cost me no less than $453 to get the cavities I create by drinking it today alone filled... Oh, sweet aspartame. Naomi Klein just told me (in her book, duh) about how Donald "Rumpelstiltskin" Rumsfeld was instrumental in getting the delicious poison acid artificial sweetener approved by the FDA. Well done, Rumpelwump. Hey, maybe I should send him an invoice for my dental bills. Anyway, as per usual, I'm getting caught up on my reading of the webertubes, and I've found some presents to share with y'all. Tengo regalos del internet. Ustedes pueden tenerlos. Ahem. -OMG Why isn't Rich my best friend in real life? He found a shirt with The Sexy Gay Jesus on it! For reals! Although, in this case, this specific incarnation may technically be The Sexy Gay Incest Jesus, since John the Baptist was totes his cousin. But whatevs. Let us pretend otherwise. (Call me, Rich!) -John McCain: not such a friend to the ladies. Evidence to follow: EXHIBIT A: He uses misogynist language and is disrespectful to women in his life. (I know this one is old news, but the laughs kind of cushion the pain of the next video.) EXHIBIT B: He is completely clueless about/totally against reproductive justice and also gets uncomfortable when he thinks of sex. OMFG. EXHIBIT C: He enjoys perpetuating the Rape Culture. THX! Rape is so fucking funny, you guys! PSYCH!* As The Perpetual Roommate once wisely explained, "The percentage of rape jokes that are actually funny and not just offensive is so small, that it's best to just avoid them altogether." Word. Also, if you tell a rape joke when you are sitting next to me at a party while I'm drunk, I will totally pour my drink on your leg. TRUE STORY. I may have apologized later, but I shouldn't have. He was asking for it! (heheh) -In less depressing news: The amazing (and totally non-fictional) Benjamin H. Grumbles, AKA my latest internet boyfriend, sets the record straight on various shenanigans engaging the "visual teletype" these days. Hosiery Is No Laughing Matter. (Shakesville) *Yeah, I went there. Did you just feel like you were in an awesome episode of Ghostwriter? Oh dear lord, I must go see if that show is on DVD. Apparently it is not, but I just spent like half an hour looking up the cast on IMDB and found out that the guy who played little illiterate handball-playing Hector was on The Real World: Philadelphia. God I love the internet.