Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Pluggers: Have you no SHAME?!

As previously documented here and here, Pluggers have a well-established prescription drug addiction. What I'm wondering, however, is why does Gary Brookins feel it is in any way appropriate to celebrate this on the comics page? THINK OF THE CHILDREN, FOR GOD'S SAKE. Besides the fact that the concept of a giant, old mutant-dog-man who has so many health problems, that he can no longer even leave his house, for fear of forgetting an important dosage is incredibly depressing. He's so pathetic, he is forced to use the ubiquitous prescription bottles littering his household to build props for his escapist fantasies (enhanced by the contents of the bottles, obvs). Also, does he only have THREE fingers on his left hand?! WTF, Brookins? He looks even more freakish than usual. But this doesn't even cover the obvious wink-wink acknowledgement of the recreational use of controlled substances (see the DEA for specific schedules).

But anyway, for the benefit of the kids, I'm going to provide some tips from the FDA on the proper use of prescription drugs:
Use Prescription Drugs Safely
  1. Always follow medication directions carefully.
  2. Don't increase or decrease doses without talking with your doctor.
  3. Don't stop taking medication on your own.
  4. Don't crush or break pills.
  5. Be clear about the drug's effects on driving and other daily tasks.
  6. Learn about the drug's potential interactions with alcohol, other prescription medicines, and over-the-counter medicines.
  7. Inform your doctor about your past history of substance abuse.
  8. Don't use other people's prescription medications and don't share yours.
I know, kids, I know. It's CONFUSING to be told not to share, and I know Mommy crushes up your Ritalin into yogurt so she doesn't have to explain what's wrong with you, even though you know all your teachers and peers hate you and that yogurt tastes damn funny, but the FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION knows what it's talking about. Just play it safe.*

And YOU, Chief Plugger and prescription drug trafficker** Gary Brookins: Do you have no conscience? How can you make light of such a serious problem? I have no choice but to interpret your flagrant and repeated celebration of Plugger pill-poppers tantamount to an endorsement of prescription drug abuse. (You can get us all the hookup, though, right?)

*You know where Mommy keeps the Ritalin, right? I'll give you a candy bar if you bring it to me. You love candy!

**I just assume he sells, too. There's no way someone with that kind of expertise hasn't dabbled in the pharmaceutical mercantile arts.

1 comment:

  1. His fourth finger is tucked under the bottles in an apparent effort to balance his load.