But anyway, for the benefit of the kids, I'm going to provide some tips from the FDA on the proper use of prescription drugs:
Use Prescription Drugs SafelyI know, kids, I know. It's CONFUSING to be told not to share, and I know Mommy crushes up your Ritalin into yogurt so she doesn't have to explain what's wrong with you, even though you know all your teachers and peers hate you and that yogurt tastes damn funny, but the FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION knows what it's talking about. Just play it safe.*
- Always follow medication directions carefully.
- Don't increase or decrease doses without talking with your doctor.
- Don't stop taking medication on your own.
- Don't crush or break pills.
- Be clear about the drug's effects on driving and other daily tasks.
- Learn about the drug's potential interactions with alcohol, other prescription medicines, and over-the-counter medicines.
- Inform your doctor about your past history of substance abuse.
- Don't use other people's prescription medications and don't share yours.
And YOU, Chief Plugger and prescription drug trafficker** Gary Brookins: Do you have no conscience? How can you make light of such a serious problem? I have no choice but to interpret your flagrant and repeated celebration of Plugger pill-poppers tantamount to an endorsement of prescription drug abuse. (You can get us all the hookup, though, right?)
*You know where Mommy keeps the Ritalin, right? I'll give you a candy bar if you bring it to me. You love candy!
**I just assume he sells, too. There's no way someone with that kind of expertise hasn't dabbled in the pharmaceutical mercantile arts.