Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Other bloggers also concerned about booze and boozing

Much to my dismay, marketing executives seem to believe that if they do not blatantly direct their advertising towards, say, women, women will never realize that they want, nay, NEED this product and buy lots and lots of it, mostly in pink. Or like, it has to be covered with naked ladies playing football while eating bacon on top of a car in order for something to appeal to men. This is because said executives think people are stupid. They also think that commercials are good for anything besides elevating brand name recognition. Seriously, if it were up to me, most TV ads would be like:
  • "McDonald's. Just reminding you that we're still cheap." (instead of that ridiculous new campaign to make them appear "hip" "diverse" and "urban" or whatever the hell is going on)
  • "Clothes. Here are pictures of some of the new ones we have at Old Navy." (without those stupid mannequins making borderline offensive really clever quips)
  • "Axe. Smelly shit for sexist assholes."
  • "Apple. Our products are color-coordinated." (stop trying to convince us that John Hodgman is not way awesomer than that smug sweatshirted dude who is or isn't still dating Drew Barrymore)
  • "Detergent. You, gender neutral person who washes his or her own clothes like any regular grownup rather than treating a romantic partner like a servant, need it."
  • "All products from the beauty-industrial complex. Ladies: we've already convinced you you're inadequate, fat, ugly, and unlovable the way you are, so we'd appreciate it if you'd keep buying our stuff, and we'll stop making insulting ads."
  • "Beer. Wait, why do we even bother advertising beer? You're going to buy it anyway."
Just a sampling of my own advertising genius. BTW, Madison Avenue, I'm taking calls. My new favorite blogger Sady at Tiger Beatdown takes apart Ketel One's "Remember when men could dress up in formalwear and play cards and drink vodka together? Oh, wait. They still can? Whatever, Ketel One is for dudez" ad. I am far more unsurprised than disappointed, despite my long-established love for Ketel One, esp. Citroen AKA CANDYJESUSORGASMMAGICSAUCE. Sady proves the commercial right by drinking some Ketel One and turning into the hottest piece of hairy-chested, mustachioed, short-shorted manmeat ever to grace '80s prime time television. Also, currently on the Retro Network every night at nine. Check out the funny: Calling the Ketel WHACK. (Tiger Beatdown) Also, the Apostate has captured quite accurately my inner response to non-drinkers (who aren't Mormon or anything obvious like that): "WTF? Don't you like fun and also delicious beverages?!" Choice Apostate quote: "[A]s we all know, it’s shared dysfunctionality that creates loving bonds between misanthropes." So true. Go readz it: You don't drink?!!. (The Apostate)


  1. Great links! I totally agree with the non-drinker thing, they cannot be trusted.
    Also, I wish you really did work in advertising. Your commercials would be awesome!

  2. I like your idea for the beer ad. I don't think I drink beer that has TV advertisements anyway...

    I saw a McDonald's bus ad today that said "Hot Chocolate City" and had a picture of a cocoa. I'm not sure if I should find that offensive or not. Or whether anyone has actually referred to DC as "Chocolate City" at any time in the last 20 years.

  3. you should watch Mad Men, it is gooood