Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Sometimes I wish I were a smoker

There. I said it. I am completely enamored by the aesthetics of the smoking process. I pretty much only ever smoke if I'm drinking, and I used to do it a lot more when I hung out with kids who would take regular smoke breaks outside.* But there really is something sexy about taking a long drag and then watching the smoke blow away upon exhalation. Oh, and the finger-tap to ash it is divine. There's no cooler feeling. I'm especially fond of cloves. Yum. They taste like Christmas. Or rather, what Christmas would taste like if it were made of deliciously sugar-tipped cancer sticks. I usually keep a pack around, and am always sad when I smoke them and remember, "Hey, I have asthma." Also, the aftertaste is not particularly pleasant. But I suppose that's why you just pour another drink and cleanse the palate.

Apparently they have cool kids in Germany too.

What I'm saying is, tobacco marketers, is that your advertisements work. I had always found cigarettes unappealing before I became a regular drunk, but then all those clich├ęd messages about smoking making you look cooler turned out to be TOTALLY TRUE. (It felt true, anyway.) They do not, however, make you look older. Whenever I see pictures of kids smoking, I kind of want to cry. YOU JUST LOOK LIKE A TEN YEAR-OLD WITH A CIGARETTE. WHO GAVE THAT TO YOU? GO PLAY WITH YOUR BARBIES AND CALL ME IN TEN YEARS. What I'm saying is, I'm really, really glad I'm not addicted to nicotine, and don't wish that upon anyone, especially not ten year-old Cambodian factory workers in National Geographic. However, if you're a grown-up and you're going to smoke even though it's going to burn a hole in your throat and make you smell sketchy and cost you lots of money that you could be buying booze with, I'm not going to nag you to quit. Because smoking is kind of cool. I might even ask for a drag or two next time we're drunk together.

*Note: I don't actually really inhale cigarettes, but I could still get mouth cancer if I did it often enough.

1 comment:

  1. I smoke the cloves you've chosen to picture, being the best image google images provided I saw your post and you're completely right. Despite all the well-intended propaganda, it is still cool, pointing out it's deadly flaws has only made it cooler to young people dying to send a message regarding their discontent with the world at large.

    Djarum Specials taste like the lip balm of the cute white girl at the library you wish would stop reading long enough to look up at you mixed with the entirely acquired taste of strong tobacco. The saccharine coating creates such a strong sense of reward for just putting one in your mouth that lesser cigarettes simply appear to be a construction of paper and poison made on assembly line as compared to these modern works of art, appropriately wrapped in golden foil.

    Lovely habit, really, I wish that carbon monoxide and aerobic exercise went better together, I'd keep doing it even if these are $6 USD a pack.