I put on my reviewer's cap: TEETH- great movie, or GREATEST movie?

This past Saturday night my partner in X-Files and celebrity gossip crime, Pal N, and I went to see the midnight showing of Teeth at the Uptown Theater in Minneap. OMG. It was, how you say...? AWESOME. Now, despite my very own sister's objection to the concept of "film criticism," I loved it enough to put together a few words as to why. It also helped that audience members are particularly raucous at a midnight showing. There was much yelling, cheering, and wincing. I'll number my reasons for loving it, for no particular reason and in no particular order (SPOILERS ABOUND): 1. IT MAKES ABSTINENCE-ONLY FREAKS LOOK STUPID. Now, don't get me wrong, back in my Mormon days I was all aboard the "waiting until marriage" train, but then I actually had the opportunity to not wait. Things only got more complicated from then on. I could totally feel Dawn's pain when she wanted to get with the cute Christian boy who was always staring at her longingly (and kind of creepily), but felt so many conflicting emotions and desires. GUILTY GUILT GUILT GUILT. Personally, I gave all that up. Unfortunately, the object of Dawn's desire turned about to be a RAPIST. And he got what he deserved. But it was such a great scene where she was supposed to give a talk about how "true love waits" and suddenly realized how creepy the whole ring-pledge thing was. CULTY. And then there was how the female genitalia was blocked out in the health textbooks. "We can't have those kids knowing how their bodies work! What if they start using them?! For sex!" Poor Dawn didn't know what the hell was going on down there (setting aside her peculiar "adaptation"). I'm all about people making choices about their sex lives (or lack thereof). Abstinence is a totally legitimate choice--IF those making the choice have all the available information for their health. Not misogynist, misinformed pseudo-science that places girls as gatekeepers and denies their own sexual desires and agency. But whatevs. Moving on. 2. ASSHOLE RAPISTS GET WHAT'S COMING TO THEM. Now the one guy wasn't a rapist, but he was using Dawn, and he deserved to get his penis chomped once it became clear this wasn't about Dawn's pleasure but about his social capital. And then there was the CREEPY gynecologist and the old man at the end. Good lord. Anyway, they all deserved it. I never thought the sight of a severed penises and fingers could elicit such enthusiasm from a crowd of movie-goers. But I was totally with them in their celebration. It's too bad the only man in the movie who didn't completely suck was Dawn's dad, but I guess this is a horror movie, so not too many good things are supposed to happen. 3. THE TONE. Part super-creepy, part disgusting, part hella-funny. 4. FEMALE SEXUALITY GETS THE RESPECT IT DESERVES. Pretty self-explanatory. 5. MARVELOUS ACTING. Jess Weixler was phenomenal as Dawn, and John Hensley was brilliantly creepy as the leering stepbrother. There are probably more reasons, but I am getting lazy. So, go see it! It's so fucking awesome.