Junior High Crushes Revisited: John Stockton

Reminds me of how my favorite use for the internet in the late '90s was for finding pictures of my favorite hot guys and making collages of them on Print Shop Deluxe. I was really cool.

You may say, Lauren, John Stockton could not have possibly attended your junior high school. And I would say, you are correct. But it would be really lame to actually talk about the boys I liked that I went to school with. My only excuse would be "I was in junior high, OKAY?!" It's not like I ever dated any of them, and 79% of the boys who liked me before college turned out to be gay. Can I retroactively refer to myself as a fag hag? I still love you guys! Thanks for not actually going out with me and then coming out. No, besides Prince William, JS was my big celebrity obsession circa ages 13-14. Decidedly not gay. And decidedly AWESOME.

I thought of John Stockton today in honor of the fact that I am going to my first NBA game since said obsession, back when the Jazzy Jazz were good and my dad took my brother and me to see them play the Blazers circa 1997. I think I was the only Jazz fan there and they lost.* But I could see my Johnny S from way up high in the cheap seats at the Rose Garden, and he looked just as short in person as he did on TV. This of course, was a never-ending source of amusement to me, considering that in real life--AKA not standing next to other freakishly tall professional basketball players--he would be considered quite tall (6'1"). Perhaps this was the beginning of my long-standing obsession with men who I deem adorable by how "pocket-sized" they are.

Anyway, I just wanted to take the time to reminisce with myself and the intertubes about how awesome John Stockton was (all-time assists leader!) and what a shame it is that he never won a championship. God I hate the Bulls. It seems that in his retirement, he's moved back to his hometown of Spokane (ew), WA, where he lives with his 87618976 Catholic children. I imagine he continues to be adorable and badass.

*Note: the Jazz being from Utah and me being Mormon was purely incidental, and I resent it highly when anyone says otherwise.