a) Wear men's shoes. b) Be aware of where your ancestors bought their clothing and attempt to patronize the same businesses. If they still exist. CHANGE IS FRIGHTENING. MUST KEEP TRADITION. c) Have an incompetent mail carrier. You can't just leave that shit hanging on the mailbox like that! On the other hand, who's going to steal a pair of boots that may have once been worn by a dead man? d) Suck beyond all belief.