Tuesday, May 20, 2008

X-Files Drinking Game: Favorite Rules

Hey kids,

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned our X-Files Drinking Game before. It has, like, 101 rules. That are written down. There are random things we drink for that weren't really worth making into rules, or came to us after the 100 mark, but there's a lot of awesome things to drink to, is what I'm saying. BTVFF (Best TV Friend Forever) Ka$h and I are on our second journey through the complete series, currently stalled mid-season 2 while she road-trips. However, in the meantime, I copied the idea of a friend of mine, and used my economic arousal stimulus check just the way GWB wanted me to and ordered the Complete Collector's Edition off of Amazon (all nine seasons + first movie). The box comes with a drawer! With pamphlets! And a poster for the original movie! I'm totally hanging it above my bed so as to impress all the many men I bring there. By which I mean, no one will ever see this poster.

ANYWAY. I decided to pick out a few (ten, actually) favorite drinking game rules to commemorate the awesomeness that is the X-Files and especially its renewed cultural relevance due to the imminent release of a new movie.* And I just have to throw out there that I am so glad I have good X-Files fan friends now, because it was a bit odd being the only X-Files-loving, morbid, choir-singing, cynical, occasional cheerleading** Mormon girl I knew growing up. But so pull out a favorite episode, pour yourself a drink (you might want to have a back-up ready if you've got a full set of rules), and get ready for some classics.

(These are not ranked, I just like making numbered lists.)

1. Krycek gets his ass kicked. This happens a lot. Sifting through all the Krycek/Mulder slash videos, this old VCR-ed promo gave the best quick synopsis of Krycek getting what he deserves:***

And I really have to say the Alex Krycek is not only a beautiful man (he goes from FBI Ken Doll --> badass pretty boy), but his character is one of the best demonstrations of the concept of "amorality" I have ever seen. Pure self-interest. Love. it.

2. Skinner's loyalty is questioned. You're not really sure whose side he's on until late in the game. But by then you totally want him to have your back. He consistently does a great job of playing the power game because can only help uncover the Truth (take a drink at its mention, BTW) if he can keep his job.

3. Ford Taurus. Starting in about season 2, this is the only rental car Mulder and Scully ever drive. (Also take a drink if Mulder is the default driver.)

4. Cancer Man lights up. The rule isn't just whenever he's smoking, because we're not promoting alcohol poisoning here, just drink when he's shown lighting a cigarette. God I love Cancer Man. And how he shot JFK.****

5. A giant '90s cell phone shows up. They are funny.

6. Scully is a badass. She's pretty much always a badass, but once in a while she'll kick somebody's ass or tell somebody off or perform some sort of feat of strength that deserves extra recognition. Do it with a drink.

7. Mulder is inappropriately snarky. Pretty much any time he is ever around any sort of authority figure.

8. "After all you've seen, after all we've been through, why can't you just believe?"

9. Mulder meets with X. Take a second drink if it goes down in a parking garage.

10. Scully is shown wearing huge shoulderpads/unfortunate frumpy early '90s clothes/has tragically bad hair.

Anyway, this is just the first installment in what is sure to be an exciting series for all of us as I spread the X-Files Drinking Game magic.

Love and vodka shots,


*July 25th, bitchez! You know what my plans are. Also, IMDB just told me that Xzibit is in the movie. WTF? By which I mean, I can't wait.

**One season in eighth grade. But I like to bring it up because I can't believe I did that. Can you spell PUBLIC HUMILIATION? I can. That is why I stopped being a cheerleader.

***Sans the part in season 8 when Doggett starts punching him through the moving car window. The only thing more satisfying than that moment is when Skinner finally shoots Krycek in the head.

****I do not support the historical assassination of any U.S. Presidents, but I think it's awesome that his character is wrapped up in all the important events of the second half of the twentieth century. Like Forrest Gump, but way more evil.


  1. OMG, all the seasons? You know I'm going to have to borrow them a la West Wing, right? Anyway, maybe I can Mormon this up by playing with...really gross energy drinks?

  2. 1) I'm a big fan of the "Scully has to cover for Mulder" rule. It happens all the time, and it's usually kind of hilarious.

    2) I wish I could remember what Ka$h waterfalled through while we were watching together! It might have been when Scully was singing "Jeremiah was a bullfrog?" Ask her when she gets back!

    3) Mulder would totally throw a hissy fit if Scully asked to drive.

    4) We need to have an X-files weekend sometime. How far is it from Bowling Green to DC?

  3. god, i can't wait for the next x-files night. can it be, like, now? oh, wait, trivia first! personally, i also like drinking whenever there is an illusion to mulder's porn collection. mmmm, mulder.