I always thought there was something a little off about them...

Our masculinest leader Jesus' General uses his most smartest investigatory interpretative skills to prove that ABBA was infiltrated by Satan. Por ejemplo, in an examination of one of their album covers, the General points out that

Bjorn's chest hairs are arranged to form a perfect likeness of the late Soviet leader and former KGB chief Yuri Andropov.

Airtight, that argumentation. Go read it, there are funny pictures and diagrams! Bjorn was Lucifer's Little Lutefisk. (Jesus' General)