Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Thesis: defended, Pluggers: still terrible

Well, in case you were wondering, I still exist. I successfully defended my thesis last week and am enjoying a bit of relaxation during this spring break. It is actually sunny and warm. Weird. But I do have some final edits to do, and though they are relatively minor, being back here in the library has not brought me much inspiration to dive back in to my 100-page project. Frankly, I don't really ever want to see it again. Though my committee seems to think I should turn some of it into articles this summer. Blech. Still not sure what I will be doing this summer or after it. I have been rejected by a surprising number of PhD programs. I'm still waiting on the one I thought was the biggest reach, so it looks like I'll probably be staying here. Which is not the end of the world, but not really exciting either. On the plus side: I just got three more months' worth of a Prozac prescription, I am going to Chicago to have a giant drunken slumber party with a bunch of old college friends in a couple of weeks, I have an awesome boyfriend who I refuse to call my fiance because I don't like the associations that come with admitting to strangers that you're engaged as if somehow our relationship is all different now, and I picked up a new box of Frost & Glow hair dye to touch up my unblonded roots. Basically my life is awesome and interesting and I swear that any day now I will stop complaining about my thesis. Anyhow, let's talk about some things that are supposed to be funny and why they are not and why that makes us laugh/cry in the form of recent editions of the notoriously awful one-panel comic Pluggers: Gross. That towel will be covered with cat hair! Do I need to remind you of the Bengay incident? (You're welcome, again.) Wet fur-on-fur action is ICKY, Pluggers, not cute. Also, this would make me sneeze a lot. Pluggers think that a crappy two-inch piece of metal will protect them from the inevitable nuclear/terrorist/scary black intruder/government coming to get your guns-ocalypse. Haha! See, I am like a Plugger except that I try to get appointments for after 2:00 p.m., because I don't want to get up before then. This is not a joke, just an observation. Naps are awesome. I'd take them all the time if I didn't, you know, get up after 2:00 p.m. every day. First of all, I'm a little shocked that Pluggers were able to successfully set up and use their caller ID, but perhaps one of their 'Lil Plugger grandkids did it for them. Second of all, clearly, these doctors are calling to tell Mr. and Mrs. Manbeast to stop using their names on forged prescriptions. Pluggers clearly also still write checks in the grocery store. On behalf of all current, future, and former grocery store/gas station clerks and every other customer ever who knows how to use a debit card and/or cash for god''s sake: I HATE YOU. You take too long. It is no longer 1993, which was about the last time ordering shit over the phone and using a checkbook for in-store purchases was acceptable. The scary internet box will not eat you, and will probably not even steal your identity as long as you're not stupid. Fucking Pluggers. Pissing me off just thinking about standing in line behind them.

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