Friday, February 22, 2013

Energy Drink Review: Crystal Light Energy

Friends, I think we all knew it would come to this. Between my search for the Great American Energy Drink and Stuff I'm Not Sick of Putting Vodka in Yet, Crystal Light's caffeinated energy water came across my radar--my radar being the powdered drink section of the grocery store. According to the Crystal Light website, these energy beverages are LITERALLY "Girl Power." Because bitchez be on a diet, amirite? But we're also "busy p[eople]" who have "dance floors to burn up."* And then it says something infantilizing about the one serving packets keeping you "on the go-go without huge no-nos." WTF, CRYSTAL LIGHT? We all love a good Wham! reference (esp. since it ultimately led to this), but SRSLY with the stupid rhyming? Do you think chicks are into that or something?

Lookit the PRETTY COLORS! Source.
Anyway, I made a whole pitcher of that shit because that's the packet size I bought and I'm into huge no-nos or something. I brought some to work with me today instead of boring old water and a Diet Coke to keep me awake. Let's see how this goes.

FLAVOR: I chose the wild strawberry. It is super-delish and just tastes like regular Crystal Light, as far as I can tell. Light, but with lots of flavor. I like it.

EFFECTIVENESS: About halfway through a water bottle that only measures up to 500 ml, but is actually bigger than that, and I feel pretty good. Not crazy perky, but relatively alert for having been sitting here for 45 minutes already.** I don't feel like arsoning any discotheques or anything, but I may be slightly less grumpy than usual to "sell my personality for pocket change" at my front desk lady job. Update: I'm nearly done, and I can feel it working. Good job, chemicals and dyes!

OVERALL: Delicious and effective. Recommended.

*This sounds dangerous. 
**SRSLY guys, sitting at a desk with no actual tasks to complete is, like, REALLY tiring. Or sleep-inducing. Whatever, you know what I mean.

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