Hillary Clinton Is a Badass

So I used to be an Edwards man,* but since that didn't work out, I had to choose a Plan B Candidate for the caucus a couple of weeks ago. I decided to join Team Obama since he is hot and pretty much everyone else I know is on the team and let's be honest, it wouldn't have mattered if I voted for anyone else since I live in Minnesota and the whole STATE is on Team Obama. And don't get me wrong, I like the guy. He's all Hope and Inspiration and Bringing People Together. But let me just say this: I don't want to be brought together with some people. Yes, that is right--I am an elitist and I hate the things that some people stand for. And they mostly hate me because of my reproductive organs. I have no problem with politics being divisive. That's what they're for. Our problem in the U.S. is our inane two-party system that makes a mockery of democracy and pretty much allows no one the opportunity to have their political positions represented accurately in government. And it's really too bad for people who are actually liberal (those who don't just say "Fuck it" and decide to not vote or go Green Party or something), to have to choose between Crazy McUnelectable Hobbit Kucinich who actually shares most of my views and Other More Moderate and Palatable Options. Which is my rant for why we should switch to a more parliamentary system. Ahem.

But so anyway, Barry Hussein what with his rhetoric and personality and key Kennedy endorsements, is certainly appealing, and I won't be complaining if he gets the nomination and I would love to see him kick Old Man Maverick's ass in the general election. THAT SAID: All of a sudden I am totally bummed that Hillary Clinton is no longer the front runner. I am inexplicably disappointed that she isn't winning all the primaries. Apparently I like her a lot more than I thought I did. Sure, she's hawkish and for some reason still married to a sleazebag (a competent and charismatic sleazebag, but a sleazebag nonetheless), she's "establishment" and over-handled, but there's a tenacity there that I really admire. I am disgusted by the constant outpouring of bald misogyny in the media (see Shakesville's ongoing coverage) that serves as "reporting" on the election. Por ejemplo: guess what, sometimes people cry. Sometimes they are women. The reaction to Clinton's "tears" in the media was ridiculous. That sort of thing doesn't win my "sympathy vote," but it will sure as hell win my motherfucking SOLIDARITY VOTE.

Perhaps because I am also a blonde female American, my ovaries and hers communicate in such a way that makes me want her to succeed. She puts up with a lot of bullshit, and I am proud to have her paving the way for other women in politics. Via Jeff Fecke (everyone's favorite feminist internet boyfriend), I took this Implicit Association Test in which I was TOTALLY crushing on Hills and Barry Hussein was almost as far down as McMaverick, who was not really that far above Huckabuck. So, what I'm saying is, this test proves that I hate men. No, what it proves is that my love for Hillary Clinton is growing and I am kind of embarrassed about liking her now that it's really too late for me to do anything about it. But you guys, SHE IS SUCH A BADASS. She has to be made of fucking reinforced concrete and steel to get up every morning and withstand massive amounts of hatred from all sides.** And she is so HOT. If I look like her at age sixty, um, I will be hot. And look like Hillary Clinton. But whatevs. (Don't pretend like the candidates' hotness isn't important to you, it's like my #2 factor.)

Also, she is solidly pro-choice and wants poor people to have health care and blah blah blah cogent arguments in favor of her candidacy. We're not really sure quite yet how this "nomination process" is going to shake down, but I for one will be not-so-secretly pleased if it turns out in Clinton's favor. Though the other guy's pretty good too. Okay, everybody wins!



*I am not, in fact, a man, I just like this phrase.
**Obviously, policy disagreements are legitimate attacks; gender- and blind Clinton-hatred-based ones are not.