Nerdy U.S. history blogging to follow (obvs):
James K. Polk was a man with a plan. A four-point plan:
1. Fuck the Bank of the U.S. I don't trust paper moneys!
2. Fuck tariffs, let's have free trade!
3. Fuck England, we're taking Oregon! (Or most of it, anyway.)
4. Fuck Mexico, we're taking California! And Texas.
James K. Polk and his mullet were so good at fulfilling his four-point plan, that he didn't even bother running for re-election in 1848. Which is probably for the best, because he died a couple months after his term ended. Then we would have been blessed with President George M. Dallas, who also served as Grand(wizard)master Flash of those sketchy Freemasons. Though it would have deprived us of the short-lived presidency of the admirable Zachary Taylor, whose untimely death brought into power the namesake of one of America's most beloved alcohol-infused conservative cartoons. But whatevs. James K. Polk, Tennesseean, former Speaker of the House, fashion trend-setter extraordinaire, was incredibly goal-oriented, and could probably teach some of those lame corporate seminars about productivity that people are always having to go to.
Interesting fact: apparently James K. Polk had kidney stones growing up, and the experts at Wikipedia suggest the operation to remove them at age 17 may have left him sterile. Or maybe he and his lady just never got it on because he was GAY. Or maybe Jesus never blessed them with a baby because He was waiting for the Four-Point Plan to be fulfilled first. Or maybe James K. Polk just hated children. Or was impotent. Can you think of any more reasons why James K. Polk and his wife never had any children? Wild speculation is encouraged.
In conclusion: James K. Polk got shit done. Also, he owned lots of slaves, but my white privilege allows me to ignore those parts of history and just talk about the fun parts. Like the Mexican-American War! And 54-40 or fight! Mmm... Manifest Destiny is delicious.
*I stole this astute hairstyle observation from someone else on the internet who is funny, but I don't remember who it was. Sorry, no linkies!