I didn't really feel like writing a whole review, but I have to say that this Rockstar Juiced (Guava) is doing a magical job right now. So I will. 'Cause, you know, the Rockstar people could really use my help in getting their product out there.
ROCKSTAR GUAVA JUICED
TASTE: *****/5 Delicious guava juicey magic. Like, actually good, not just good for an energy drink. An energy drink for people who aren't flavor masochists. Also, the fact that it is 16 0z. just extends the magic.
DELIVERY: ***** The can says that it is "scientifically formulated* to provide an incredible energy boost for those who lead active and exhausting lifestyles--from athletes to rock stars." My exhausting lifestyle involves constant drunkenness whenever I'm not
CONVINCING ME CRACK ISN'T WHACK: **** Using uppers to counteract depressants may seem like a bad idea, what with the constantly being high, but I can see why it works.**
OVERALL: 4.67/5 asterisks!!*** Best ever.
This score may be skewed by the fact that I am so excited I'm not hungover (anymore). Doesn't matter. I recommend it to everybody ever. All the time.
*I love how a product is automatically better if it is "scientifically formulated." I mean, did they actually USE the scientific method? (Funny, funny comic, esp. to an ex-Mormon. Go, look!) Hypothesis: No, they just said that to sound more professional.
**Don't do drugs, kids.
***Can I just say that I love mixing decimals and fractions? 'Cause I just did. Mix them. And then say it.