Rockstar Juiced totally saved my life and my career

Anecdote: One time The Pretentious Ex-Boyfriend and I made empanadas with guava paste in them for a Spanish class presentation (Cuban food!). I was skeptical, especially since we had to search out something called "guava paste," but they were FUCKING DELICIOUS. Guava for President '08. Seriously.


I didn't really feel like writing a whole review, but I have to say that this Rockstar Juiced (Guava) is doing a magical job right now. So I will. 'Cause, you know, the Rockstar people could really use my help in getting their product out there.

ROCKSTAR GUAVA JUICED

TASTE: *****/5 Delicious guava juicey magic. Like, actually good, not just good for an energy drink. An energy drink for people who aren't flavor masochists. Also, the fact that it is 16 0z. just extends the magic.

DELIVERY: ***** The can says that it is "scientifically formulated* to provide an incredible energy boost for those who lead active and exhausting lifestyles--from athletes to rock stars." My exhausting lifestyle involves constant drunkenness whenever I'm not blogging working. The two should not be combined, as evidenced by this morning's earlier pathetic post. But I'm feeling energized right now, which is good, because I have important shit to do today. (Read: buy art supplies and play in a soccer game. I may have to buy another one to make it through until the game if I don't have a chance for a nap later.)

CONVINCING ME CRACK ISN'T WHACK: **** Using uppers to counteract depressants may seem like a bad idea, what with the constantly being high, but I can see why it works.**

OVERALL: 4.67/5 asterisks!!*** Best ever.

This score may be skewed by the fact that I am so excited I'm not hungover (anymore). Doesn't matter. I recommend it to everybody ever. All the time.



*I love how a product is automatically better if it is "scientifically formulated." I mean, did they actually USE the scientific method? (Funny, funny comic, esp. to an ex-Mormon. Go, look!) Hypothesis: No, they just said that to sound more professional.

**Don't do drugs, kids.

***Can I just say that I love mixing decimals and fractions? 'Cause I just did. Mix them. And then say it.