Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Why my health insurance is stupid: A Tuesday morning rant

I'd like to go ahead and apologize to my friends who have already heard me complain. I realize that my problems with my insurance are very small indeed, and I kind of feel like I should just STFU and be grateful that I've even got insurance, but THAT IS HOW THEY GET YOU, my friend. That is how they get you. Two recent incidents and the fact that I will soon be quitting my job and hoping that my student insurance will give me decent coverage have brought this whole situation to a head.

1. TEETH. No, not my favorite fucking movie. Faithful readers and anyone in my office who was around after any of my six successive midday dental appointments will recall that I recently had eleven (or was it twelve?) fillings done. Apparently dumping Sparks, Diet Coke, and generally being predisposed to lots and lots of cavities in my teeth and then not having dental coverage for like a year and a half is a bad combination. Anyway. Because insurance booklets are complicated and have lots of little writing, I'm not going to go and read all the particulars about my coverage. Okay? Who has time for that? Okay, I do, but it's not exactly a make-a-cocktail-and-make-an-evening-of-it type of activity. So it's not going to happen. So the dentist people were telling me that my insurance should cover all the metal fillings, but the composite (white-ish) ones that we were doing in places that would show, I would have to cover a small portion of out-of-pocket. Well, turns out, after I've had all my fillings done (FINALLY, GOOD GOD), my insurance cut me off a long time ago and most of my claims had been denied. So on top of the, like, $300 or so I'd already paid up front for these fillings, I now owed $750 MORE. I was thinking about buying a new camera before my Scandinavian adventure. One that doesn't give everyone ever constant red eye. Perhaps I still will because I am financially irresponsible. But damn, keeping your teeth from rotting out of your head is really expensive! No wonder I'm only paying $25 a month for this crap coverage. /teeth rant

2. GLASSES. So I decided I should get new glasses because I'd had my other pair for a couple of years, and I don't know when I'll have decent insurance again. Well, turns out I don't really have decent insurance now! My eye exam was free. Once a year I get a free one. Huzzah. I knew they didn't cover contacts, and I could have SWORN they covered new glasses once every couple years, but after I'd already ordered a pricey new pair, I called my insurance provider to be like, "Aren't you going to kick in a few bucks for this?" and they were like, "No. We don't cover glasses for you. At all." So another $450 down the drain. You may say, "Lauren, but you NEED glasses for watching TV and checking out the top shelf liquor behind the bar." And I would say, "Yes, but had I known I wouldn't get ANY help paying for them, I would have gone somewhere MUCH CHEAPER." But at least my new glasses are cute. In a "so expensive I'm kind of afraid of breaking/losing them at all times" sort of way. (I got the "tortoise"-colored ones.) Fucking fuck. Another bump on my road to a new camera.

3. Yes, ADDITIONAL RANT. I have to go to a follow-up appointment with the therapist I was seeing for a while today. I do not want to go. You know why? She wasn't particularly helpful. Not completely UNhelpful, mind you, but I only kept going to her because I thought I should go to SOMEONE and she is located at my regular doctor's office that I can ride my bike to and only costs the $25 copay. But if she uses that same Wizard of Oz metaphor to describe my life one more time, so help me Sexy Gay Jesus...

But I should be thankful for what I have because at least I know that when I get nearly hit by a car on my bike at least three times a week, my insurance will probably cover up to, like, 40% of the ambulance cost. Right? Damn it, maybe I should call them and make sure.

ADDENDUM: They'd better figure this whole health care mess before I'm old, because I am so already over it, and I don't even have an excuse to be cranky and misanthropic yet.

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