What I learned in school today: Marx just wanted to spread some sunshine to the proletariat

Some random guy with a bust of Karl Marx.

As you all know, I am from America. In case you are unfamiliar with America, it is the awesomest, most reddest-whitest-bluest country ever.* And it is full of delicious, delicious capitalism. However, it turns out that some of that propaganda patriotism I learned in school may have misled me about Karl Marx and communism. First of all, who could demonize somebody with such a fucking awesome beard? Second, it turns out Marxy Marx is just a big softy. Who knew!? Out of context quote from Capital: "It is, however, just this ultimate money-form of the world of commodities that actually conceals, instead of disclosing, the social character of private labour, and the social relations between the individual producers." Pretty much Karl is like, "Let's stop relating to each other through objects and money and these various abstractions that distract us from holding hand and singing 'Kumbaya' while really valuing each other's labor." But he would have said it in German. Through his sweet fucking beard. And then he would have stroked Engels' mustache before writing some more impenetrable theory. My new bearded friend Thrift Store Champion had this to say about Karl's facial hair just now: "I think he had all kinds of stuff in that beard." Probably leprechaun jewels. *Don't forget to Never Forget™ tomorrow, fellow Americans!