A Prayer to the Ohio Gods of Electronic Voting*

Dear Ohio Diebold Early Voting Machine and the Powers that Control It: I waited for 1.5 hours to stick my plastic card in you and push some buttons on a screen to vote for Barack Obama and a bunch of Ohioans I've never heard of. It would be nice if you would go ahead and not be a dick and count my vote. I know you get your rocks off of disenfranchising, but I am WHITE.** But seriously. I'd really like it if we could try not to fuck this one up. You seemed like you were working as I printed the separate pages into the machine or whatever, but I just can't be sure. The only way I won't be mad at you for not counting my vote is if Dennis Kucinich somehow ends up being elected President of Ohio. He is adorable and elf-like. Am I right or am I right, Diebold Machine? Love and shots of patriotic liquids, Lauren *No offense, Sexy Gay Jesus. You know I love you. Also, my friend Cynthia totally said your name instead of "god" during the Pledge of Allegiance at the Biden rally, which, you'll have to admit, is pretty awesome. And most definitely a first. **Just kidding! People of all races and ethnicities should be at equal risk for disenfranchisement.