Happy Day of the Presidents We Worship Most!

If I would have had these as a kid I probably would have made Abraham Lincoln be Skipper's new history teacher and Washington Barbie's weird Revolutionary War-reenacting father-in-law.

Today is our Washington and Lincoln holy day, so say a prayer of thanks to the Statue of Liberty for them and their single-handed creation/maintenance of AMERICA. Because, as that one guy at the gym's giant tattoo on his arm with the eagle and the flag says, "Freedom isn't free." That's why only rich people can afford it. Also, check out the high-qual presidential history section on the White House website. I fear their biographical sketches are not nearly as entertaining as those written by my humble hand, but they probably used more sources than Wikipedia in their research, so are close to 93% more true-ish. THX, Library of Congress! And in all sincerity, can I say thank you to the Sexy Gay Jesus and my fellow voters for our new, dreamy president. He is so totally Matt Santos incarnate: