Slightly drunk ramblings: Can you be both a narcissist and have tragically low self-esteem?

I have chosen to discuss this with myself on my blog. I realize that a lot of shit I have posted, especially since coming to grad school, happens during drunkenness. That isn't so much because I drink that much more. I've always been a lush. Since I stopped being Mormon, like 4 years ago (when did I get so old?), anyway. It's just when I can justify not reading for class or nuzzling with that adorably bearded man I call my boyfriend, I'm usually drunk. Sometimes I'm drunk and do all these things at once. I am the best student ever, by the way. BTWs. It is interesting, if you actually sacrificed your soul and listened to the BYU podcast where I extemporated to the little sister about blogging, that one of the things I desire as a (somewhat negligent) blogger is a community. I like the idea of people rallying around things they like a lot. I also really believe in the idea of a cult of personality. Here, I will list people whose cult I have pretty much joined (sorry, Mormon Jesus, your cult didn't allow booze): 1. Conan O'Brien. BTW, congrats on the promotion. Jay Leno = not real funny. But what I love about Conan (in the 12:30 slot, anyway) is the fact that he is obviously really, really smart. He went to fucking Harvard and was the editor of the Lampoon his, like .2nd year. He is nerdy (loves Abe Lincoln), gangly, adorable, self-depricating, and amazing. His wife and kids are super-lucky. I have said since I was about 14, when I got really obsessed with Late Night, that if ever I were to be famous, that the first show I would go on would be Conan's. One day. When I write my widely popular-but-also-academic text that reveals revolutionary layers of meaning in American culture. Totes going to happen. 2. Amy Sedaris for pretty obvious comedic and lady-related reasons. Also, her bro David. What a crazy family to have grown up in. 3. Stephen Colbert. Duh. 4. Sarah Vowell. Smart. Nerdy. Awesome. Hilarious. Into history and friends with Conan. We should probs be best friends. What I'm saying is, that one of my amorphous goals for this blog and what I ultimately hope to achieve when I become a nerdy professor is to build a cult of personality. I may not give you the best impression right off the bat (I'm either shy or drunk), but I like to think that the people who like me for me are worth keeping around. And as much as I denigrate myself in my own mind and hold up the art of self-deprecation as one of the most important pieces of postmodern likability, I want people to like me. But because they think I'm awesome in the same way that I think I might maybe possibly be awesome and the same ways I think other people are awesome and try to hang out with them. And that is all. Personality. Cult. Doesn't sound so bad, eh?