Monday, May 24, 2010

So I'm Getting Married

Regular readers of my irregular posts/97.3% of you who know me in real life and are probably invited to the wedding anyway will recall that I am engaged. No, not busy, but betrothed to a (nominally) heterosexual man. We are getting married one month from tomorrow. People keep asking about wedding planning. Apparently I should be doing some wedding planning. Here's some things that being soon-to-be-somebody's wife makes me think about:

Why do people feel like they must throw you extra parties? See, we have very specific motivations for holding an actual wedding ceremony and reception instead of just eloping at the courthouse or something. I have constructed a pie chart to demonstrate:

Okay, so we've got the whole party/gift thing covered with the actual wedding. Now, we're seriously considering an after-party for the kids (AKA non-relatives/random parental social obligation invites) since the wedding's in the afternoon (so we don't have to serve a meal) where people can get properly drunk (possibly for the second time that day). But sometimes people think they should throw you a bachelorette and/or bridal shower party thing or something even though you tried to politely convey that you are not really interested in having another event thrown in your honor. I mean, like us, most of our friends are poor grad students (see: yellow section of graph), and can't afford to get us any (more) shit/shouldn't have to hold an extra event just for girls because that's weird and if I was going to do that it would be with my high school girlfriends/college roommates, none of whom live in this state/country. It's just a lot of money and effort for something that is an unnecessary tradition. Anyway, I may or may not be able to get out of this, but it's weird that people want to do all this stuff for you even above and beyond the wedding thing.

I am going to be so girly in my dress with a poofy skirt and I'll wear mascara and heels. Kind of weird to be photographed in anything other than a thrift store t-shirt. I think that I will feel like I am in drag. I'm kind of excited to be complimented all day about how pretty I look, but in the meantime I am paranoid that if I don't go running like every day and do lots of push-ups I will bust out of my dress and my triceps won't look as toned as they should. I will not be changing my diet from exclusively pasta, booze, and fruit snacks though. There's no need to be cranky for the next month just because of my (mostly) irrational fear of looking fat.

I am (obviously) not changing my last name. This is because my name is already awesome. This is also because the patriarchy wants to erase my identity and I am not friends with the patriarchy. This is also because even if I wasn't totally opposed to changing my name, I think it would be hard to accomplish AKA require filling out forms. And let me tell you, as somebody who has just purchased a car, I'm sick of fucking forms. Even/especially online forms. Being an adult is really boring and requires a lot of forms. Also, if I'm still Lauren Chesnut, then I never have to REALLY grow up. However, while doing all this grownup crap that forces me to talk to strangers on the phone and ask banks for money they won't give me and whatnot, I've finally become comfortable calling Isaac my fiance (instead of boyfriend). It sounds more grown-up and "permanent" to strangers, I think. Though apparently I still appear to be an undergrad. Whatever. Weddings are kind of stupid, but I'm doing it anyway. That is all.

1 comment:

  1. Yes. I concur. And we are still engaged (ha!) in the decision about last names, since we are deciding to make up our own new name, related to the fact that I also have an awesome last name, and his isn't too bad either. Are you really doing everything in a month? Because we've been dragging our feet for over a year, and it's still too fast to plan in accordance to making the parents happy.