Listen people who still sometimes check this blog (sister, old roommate, friend from high school), I know I've been neglecting you. I know you need my magical comedic stylings to help you get through your days sitting in a cubicle or teaching the world about history or helping kids learn how to talk or whatever it is you do, but I am having a CRISIS. And I desperately want to finish my Richard Nixon Wikipedia research so I can bring you one of my famous presidential posts, but right now I hate everything. I hate school. I hate academia. I hate teaching. I hate this town. I hate not being able to leave it or go anywhere because we are poor and have no car. I hate that there are so many douchebags in this town/world. I hate that trying to expand my horizons just brings me into greater contact with douchebags. I hate TV even though I love TV. I hate all my hobbies (I have like, 2 besides TV, OKAY?). I hate hot weather. I hate my allergies. I hate my lack of future job prospects. I hate that I can't even drop out of school because I can't afford to lose my assistantship and Isaac and I have become accustomed to our fancy life in this house with cable and air conditioning and multiple rooms and everything.
So anyway, I clearly need to go get my Prozac dose cranked back up another notch, but in the meantime I'm rewatching all of these to make myself forget my general life malaise and laugh for a couple of minutes at a time:
If one of my students gave this presentation, said student would get an A. My students will never be this hilariously clever, however. I haven't known them long enough to hate them yet, at least.*
*Disclaimer for non-friend audience: I totally don't hate my students! I'm a good teacher! And professional! I wore grownup clothes twice already this week! I really need this job right now!
Showing posts with label the unfortunate life of a grownup. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the unfortunate life of a grownup. Show all posts
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, May 24, 2010
So I'm Getting Married
Regular readers of my irregular posts/97.3% of you who know me in real life and are probably invited to the wedding anyway will recall that I am engaged. No, not busy, but betrothed to a (nominally) heterosexual man. We are getting married one month from tomorrow. People keep asking about wedding planning. Apparently I should be doing some wedding planning. Here's some things that being soon-to-be-somebody's wife makes me think about:
Why do people feel like they must throw you extra parties? See, we have very specific motivations for holding an actual wedding ceremony and reception instead of just eloping at the courthouse or something. I have constructed a pie chart to demonstrate:
Okay, so we've got the whole party/gift thing covered with the actual wedding. Now, we're seriously considering an after-party for the kids (AKA non-relatives/random parental social obligation invites) since the wedding's in the afternoon (so we don't have to serve a meal) where people can get properly drunk (possibly for the second time that day). But sometimes people think they should throw you a bachelorette and/or bridal shower party thing or something even though you tried to politely convey that you are not really interested in having another event thrown in your honor. I mean, like us, most of our friends are poor grad students (see: yellow section of graph), and can't afford to get us any (more) shit/shouldn't have to hold an extra event just for girls because that's weird and if I was going to do that it would be with my high school girlfriends/college roommates, none of whom live in this state/country. It's just a lot of money and effort for something that is an unnecessary tradition. Anyway, I may or may not be able to get out of this, but it's weird that people want to do all this stuff for you even above and beyond the wedding thing.
I am going to be so girly in my dress with a poofy skirt and I'll wear mascara and heels. Kind of weird to be photographed in anything other than a thrift store t-shirt. I think that I will feel like I am in drag. I'm kind of excited to be complimented all day about how pretty I look, but in the meantime I am paranoid that if I don't go running like every day and do lots of push-ups I will bust out of my dress and my triceps won't look as toned as they should. I will not be changing my diet from exclusively pasta, booze, and fruit snacks though. There's no need to be cranky for the next month just because of my (mostly) irrational fear of looking fat.
I am (obviously) not changing my last name. This is because my name is already awesome. This is also because the patriarchy wants to erase my identity and I am not friends with the patriarchy. This is also because even if I wasn't totally opposed to changing my name, I think it would be hard to accomplish AKA require filling out forms. And let me tell you, as somebody who has just purchased a car, I'm sick of fucking forms. Even/especially online forms. Being an adult is really boring and requires a lot of forms. Also, if I'm still Lauren Chesnut, then I never have to REALLY grow up. However, while doing all this grownup crap that forces me to talk to strangers on the phone and ask banks for money they won't give me and whatnot, I've finally become comfortable calling Isaac my fiance (instead of boyfriend). It sounds more grown-up and "permanent" to strangers, I think. Though apparently I still appear to be an undergrad. Whatever. Weddings are kind of stupid, but I'm doing it anyway. That is all.
Why do people feel like they must throw you extra parties? See, we have very specific motivations for holding an actual wedding ceremony and reception instead of just eloping at the courthouse or something. I have constructed a pie chart to demonstrate:
Okay, so we've got the whole party/gift thing covered with the actual wedding. Now, we're seriously considering an after-party for the kids (AKA non-relatives/random parental social obligation invites) since the wedding's in the afternoon (so we don't have to serve a meal) where people can get properly drunk (possibly for the second time that day). But sometimes people think they should throw you a bachelorette and/or bridal shower party thing or something even though you tried to politely convey that you are not really interested in having another event thrown in your honor. I mean, like us, most of our friends are poor grad students (see: yellow section of graph), and can't afford to get us any (more) shit/shouldn't have to hold an extra event just for girls because that's weird and if I was going to do that it would be with my high school girlfriends/college roommates, none of whom live in this state/country. It's just a lot of money and effort for something that is an unnecessary tradition. Anyway, I may or may not be able to get out of this, but it's weird that people want to do all this stuff for you even above and beyond the wedding thing.
I am going to be so girly in my dress with a poofy skirt and I'll wear mascara and heels. Kind of weird to be photographed in anything other than a thrift store t-shirt. I think that I will feel like I am in drag. I'm kind of excited to be complimented all day about how pretty I look, but in the meantime I am paranoid that if I don't go running like every day and do lots of push-ups I will bust out of my dress and my triceps won't look as toned as they should. I will not be changing my diet from exclusively pasta, booze, and fruit snacks though. There's no need to be cranky for the next month just because of my (mostly) irrational fear of looking fat.
I am (obviously) not changing my last name. This is because my name is already awesome. This is also because the patriarchy wants to erase my identity and I am not friends with the patriarchy. This is also because even if I wasn't totally opposed to changing my name, I think it would be hard to accomplish AKA require filling out forms. And let me tell you, as somebody who has just purchased a car, I'm sick of fucking forms. Even/especially online forms. Being an adult is really boring and requires a lot of forms. Also, if I'm still Lauren Chesnut, then I never have to REALLY grow up. However, while doing all this grownup crap that forces me to talk to strangers on the phone and ask banks for money they won't give me and whatnot, I've finally become comfortable calling Isaac my fiance (instead of boyfriend). It sounds more grown-up and "permanent" to strangers, I think. Though apparently I still appear to be an undergrad. Whatever. Weddings are kind of stupid, but I'm doing it anyway. That is all.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
UPDATE: Thiefy McThief Edition
Hey dudes,
Turns out I've just been stealing the interwebz from my Jesus-y neighbor all this time, and she's moved away and another Jesusy lady has moved in who does not have an unsecured wireless network. I will be knocking on neighbors' doors to see if I can split wireless with them since I am poor and live alone and don't really need another $30 bill every month. So what I'm saying is that I'm working on the webernets situation. What with my two jobs and a class I am kind of busy these days. LAME. But my Best TV Friend Forever Ka$h is here for a few days, and I am taking tomorrow off and we will be headed out to the Garfield presidential palace near Cleveland. Huzzah! Hope to be back regular-like soon. Also: video awesomeness is in the works. Planning stages as of yet, but eventual killer koolness. Yeah, I did that. Not sorry.
-The L
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