Sunday, July 04, 2010

In which I just use a Gchat I had with Isaac to fill up a post with our tasteless, America-hating jokes

Isaac: It's never a bad idea to have cupcakes on hand.
I think they're trying that in Afghanistan to short circuit the insurgency.
me: how's that working out?
doesn't sound very manly
mcchrystal must've hated that shit
Isaac: It's just more of that faggy French crap, but apparently Obama is all about the baked goods.
me: gross
that shit softens you
like a flaccid you-know-what
Isaac: Srsly bro.
You know what doesn't?
Killing civilians.
Also, landing on aircraft carriers.
me: let's go run 0198734 miles before sunrise
and then insult our powerful boss in a music magazine
Isaac:Woah, that shit was off the record.
Where is your sense of journalistic ethics?
me:don't got 'em
not a real man
my word don't mean shit
Isaac: I usually beat my stories out of people, but apparently that's frowned upon.
me: limp wristers
Isaac: I KNOW.
This country was founded on robustly wristed men.
me: the founding fathers spent their time chopping down fucking cherry trees, writing constitutions, and doing wrist curls
Isaac: Also, 12 oz. curls.
me: 12 ounces of BEER?
Isaac: AMERICAN beer.
I think their brand was Old Milwaukee, actually.
me: even before the city existed, that's how badass they were
Isaac: "Yeah, we'll conquer that shit soon enough. Name it that."
me: I know, right?
Isaac: Such foresight.
Does that mean there's an "Old Baghdad" coming out soon?
me: oh, it exists
manufactured and available only in the green zone, though
Isaac: Fucking Green Zone.
That seems like it should be a limited edition patriotic version of Mountain Dew.
me:comes in red white and blue stripes
Isaac: I'm a little concerned about those hippie socialist extreme sports kids on their roster, though.
me: srsly
in my day, we played baseball, football, or lynching
none of these namby-pamby "board" sports
Isaac: Donald Rumsfeld was actually the captain of his high school lynching team.
me: obvs
Isaac: He was also part of the Blackface Revue show choir, I think.
me: it's a national tragedy that those competitions are dying out
I think "Glee" should cover this important issue
Isaac: I think Finn would look sharp as a Sambo character.
me: oh god
btws, today's chat is pretty awesome and I'm thinking about using selected passages as a blog post
Isaac: Use away.

1 comment:

  1. That was beautiful. I don't mean that ironically. Well, I mean YOU guys are ironically beautiful, but I mean that unironically. You're unironically ironically beautiful. Get it? It's true.