Friday, July 02, 2010

I can stop any time I want, okay?

Hey guys. So I got married last week. It was kind of awesome, but I'm so glad it's over. I tore a hole in my dress's armpit area while stacking chairs, so that's hardcore. Of course, the dress did come to me from the internet direct from the 1950s, so it makes sense that it might be slightly fragile/I seem to have giant hulk shoulders or something because I'm always ripping out the armpits of shirts. While stacking these chairs however, I was accosted by my new father-in-law and a friend of his who had finally decided to get up off their asses and help us (finish) cleaning up at the reception:

F of FIL: "I like a working woman."
FIL: "Especially a working bride."
Me: (horrified silence)

Later on we got drunk with friends and in the morning made the requisite hungover visit to Waffle House. I rallied enough to accompany some of my pals to the Hayes Presidential Center. On the tour of the Hayes home, we were treated to a terrible tour guide as well as another older woman on the tour who kept trying to one-up her with her Hayes home knowledge. "I'm sure you're going to talk about the cat." (Lucy had a siamese cat, apparently). "Is this butternut?" (Who gives a shit? It's fucking wood.) Annnnyway, the I-Man and I are trying to figure out what to do with all our various gift cards and monies (we still have one more reception to go, too!). I'm pretty sure we'll be investing in a fancy new TV AKA something flat-screen but available at Target for around $400.

This could be me, but it's not. Source.

But so today is my last day at my temp job. Hopefully I can find some sort of employment between now and when school starts and my assistantship kicks in (sweet doctoral level stipend, here I come!), but whatevs. Anyway, to me work = caffeine and that usually means Diet Coke. A dentist once told me that drinking aspartame was like pouring acid on my tooth enamel. That's why I use an anti-cavity mouthwash, people. Because I can't don't want to stop drinking it. I was never a big sody pop person growing up what with the Mormon caffeine-(sort of) avoiding and the fact that the only pop my mom ever bought was Diet Caffeine-Free Pepsi for herself, which GROSS. Anyhow, I learned to love Diet Coke from my stoner friends whose fridges were always full of it when we'd get high at their houses and pretty much everything is awesome when you are high. But so a lot of people--especially the ladies--are addicted to the Diet Coke.* Over at The Frisky, you can read Kate Torgovnick's entertaining and informative Social History of Diet Coke. Did you know an early celebrity endorser was Judd Hirsch who now plays TV's Most Jewish Dad? Facts! They are fun!

My dear friend and wedding officiant The Reverend Sergeant Manda V. Hicks said recently that "Diet Coke tastes like manufactured desire" (Hicks, 2010). You know, guys? She's right. And it's one of my favorite flavors.

*Not because we're all on diets, people, but because regular Coke is gross.

1 comment:

  1. Lucy didn't just have a siamese cat, she was the FIRST WOMAN to have a siamese cat in the U.S.

    Thanks, know-it-all Hayes lady.