Monday, June 13, 2011

Live-Blogging The Bachelorette Episode 4

Let the post-Bentley magic happen!

Chris Harrison is telling the "fellas" that they're off to Thailand for a "fresh start." There was tragically little West last week, I'm hoping for some more of his face.

Ashley is pining after douchey Lexus or whatever his name was. They're staging a scene where they pretend she plans all the dates herself. Isaac and I think she gets to choose from pre-researched and pre-planned options. Ashley says the field is wide open now for the dudes.

Exotic "oriental"-type music! Constantine who I think is a chef gets to go on a one-on-one date. Oh, he's a "restaurant owner," which is less interesting. It's too stormy for them to go out on the water, so they're just walking around town now. Which I think would be a better date anyway. In Thailand! Now they've pulled some teenager over to get marital advice from an old Thai man. He tells them to forgive and to not try to "win."

Ben C. has Republican hair. Everybody but Ames is going on the group date? God, he looks so dumb.

Constantine joked about how he's wearing orange shorts (he thought they would be swimming). I appreciate a good orange shorts joke. Ashley's still feeling "off" about Beamer or whoever and thinks she might tell Constantine about her feelings for him. Yuck. Constantine likes that they got to just hang out and share the excitement of each other and not some adventurous activity. Which I think is legit and just what she needs to hear in a good way not in a Bentley just tells her what she wants to hear kind of way.

Some of the bros are talking about kissing Ashley. JEALOUSY! "Everyone's going after the same piece of fruit." Dax is trying to calm down JP.

Apparently Constantine has been single for awhile and is trying to not sabotage his own relationships. Ashley likes his "realness" and his giving him a rose for getting her back on track. Also, they are drinking something blue which I bet is super-boozy. WANT. He thinks she's so cute, which she is. She has terrible people-reading skills, but she is sweet and kind of pocket-sized.

Ashley and the bros are refurbishing some orphanage. She wears really short shorts. But she is in Thailand! Apparently Ryan is really bossy. He's directing the wall-painting and everybody resents him for it. JP says flirting time is later.  Awww, Dax is making a mural on the wall in one of the bedrooms. He painted an elephant and she's making flowers. Cute. Here come the Thai children! why is Ashley wearing ridiculous boots with her short shorts? The kids are really excited about everything. That's really sweet. Apparently they're also donating bikes and a bunch of toys. I'm almost a little bit teary-eyed here. Fuck you, Bachelorette with your inspirational children making me cry. JP is "forever changed" by the experience.

That night on the group date, Ryan just sleazily complimented her outfit which I was about to make fun of because it's a giant, hole-y sweater over a purple bikini. Dax pulled Ashley aside and now they're kissing. Kiss slut! JP is going to be so jealous. William thinks everybody's intimidated by Ryan, but he does seem kind of douchey with the guys. The dudes are going to question what Ashley's looking for if he gets another group date rose.

No, ad on Blogger, I do not want to volunteer for 1-2 weeks in Thailand. I don't like helping people. I watch reality TV, which is basically like negative helping people.

Ashley's worried about JP. Mostly he's just full of jealousy. The kids really "put it all in perspective." He wants another date, and she wants to give him one that's not in pajamas with her depressed. Now there's kissing. Ashley calls it "magical." She calls him "one sexy man." He's trying to carry her back to the building but they are ABANDONING THEIR DRINKS. TV people, how could you abandon your drinks? Ryan's all annoyed. Republican Ben looks sad.

Ames is excited to get invited on a one-on-one date. She should have sent an extra card for his forehead. OHHH! BURN!

Ryan pulls Ashley aside right before she's about to give the rose. Dax gets the rose! At least it's not Ryan! Tehy're going to swim in the rain. Of course she's on JP's shoulders in the pool. Bros. Commercial and drink refill time!

Ashley claims Ames is intelligent, but his face just does not tell me that. He's wearing white shorts and has giant shoulders. Apparently he's been to Phuket before. He claim before to climb the mountains after college and then last year for cooking school. Okay, that makes him a little bit more interesting.  "Last minute is the best minute," he says. Even though it's raining, it is beautiful there out on the water with all these little rock islands. OH NO SHE MADE A TITANIC JOKE. Clearly she didn't learn the rules from this episode of Community. Sea kayaking! "Navigating these beautiful caves is exactly like navigating a relationship." OMG Ames, that is a ridiculous thing to say. He's been to 70 countries?! Is he independently wealthy? Oh, he's a portfolio manager. RICH BASTARD.

He once met a girl in a shoe store. That is a good anecdote. Blahblahblah what do you want out of a relationship? Blahblahblah connection blahblah.

Ashley just tried to claim they were both nerdy. He has white boards all over his apartment covered with math. That is nerdy. She has a dental nerd closet, apparently. She is talking about her sheltered childhood. She's excited that he is less shy without the group.  Ames apparently has no "list" of things he's looking for. She says he's really funny, and while he's not unfunny, I think her standards aren't so high. She's giving him the rose. I guess he is smarter than he looks, though. He thinks their intimate conversations was even better than kissing. Kissing is good too, though.

Pre-rose ceremony cocktail party! She's going to interrogate the guys tonight. West is wearing a khaki-colored suit which is apropos for a tropical place. She's asking him about whether he's ready to think about marriage again after his wife's death. What's his southern accent claims he is super open-minded after his divorce.

Blake the dentist is confronting Ryan about being a dick/so intense all the time. He's not doing a very good job of it, but I guess he just wants to talk to him instead of about him. Ryan thinks people resent him for being "freakin' happy all the time." OMG he just cited soldiers overseas as a reason to be happy!! Ryan hearts America. He's telling Ashley now he's got a lot of love in his chest.

More oriental music with exotic flowers. She and Chris Harrison are having a heart-to-heart. Her "woman's intuition" told her there was something there with Mercedes Benz. At least she's looking belong that luxury lot to the other dudes. She wants to only send one guy home this week. Rule breaking, BITCHEZ! C.H. claims there aren't any rules anymore. Sucks to be that one guy. I wish C.H. would reveal to her what a disingenuous douche whatshiscar was.

BTWs, friends, the Extreme Makeover: Fatties Edition show is not compelling TV. The trainer has little to no charisma and I have not found myself interested in the featured person's traumatic pasts.

Surprise with the extra rose. I'll update when we find out who the one guy is. I hope it's not West just because he's a widower! Maybe William because he insulted her last week. William stays! Get rid of Republican Ben! Her dress looks like a bad '70s curtain tonight. West is going home! Oh no. He looks so sad. I think he deserves better than this stupid reality show. Oh, he's so sad and talking about his dead wife and moving on. Awww.

Next week will have some dramzz! Bentley's going to show up again? WHHYYYY? Bullshit.

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