Another "Energy" Drink Review: Wat-aah! Energy

This is what this shit looks like. 

Friends, as I have mentioned, I'm moving to Minnesota for sanity-related purposes in, like, one month. We have a place to live when we get there, but how we will pay the rent is still up in the air! Anyway, I have like 0298375897 nonprofit jobs to apply for and I've been slacking since I've been busy "temping" and watching "all the K-dramas in the world" on Viki. But anyway, a while back at the grocery store in the hippie organic section I saw these bottles of water, excuse me, WAT-AAH! One of them claimed to provide "energy" without caffeine, so of course I had to buy it and now I will drink it to see if it gives me more energy for writing cover letters (Hahaha, nothing will ever help anyone with that because cover letters were invented to crush people's souls). Wat-aah! Energy claims it contains "vapor distilled water! + oxygen!" I am not really sure how oxygen! is different than "oxygen," or how it can be an ingredient, but whatever, maybe I'm just not hippie enough to understand that shit. The plastic bottle explains:

Forget about caffeine and sugar. [Ed. note: Why would I do that? EVER?] Ultra pure water with just enough oxygen is all the clean fuel your body craves, with no nasty side effects like stinky breath or rotten teeth. Drink WAT-AAH! ENERGY and you just might run FAST-AAH!

There are a lot of exclamation points on this packaging for something that has no caffeine, but here goes, I suppose!

Flavor: it tastes like water.

Update: It continues to taste like water. It is cold because it was in my fridge earlier and it is probably a lot less likely to leave a sketchy orange residue on shit like the turbid runoff-infested shit we call tap water here in NW Ohio (not that I don't drink it anyway, we're all getting cancer from somewhere). I'm bored with its not-flavor and the stupid screaming guy on this bottle is stupid.

Effectiveness: I have yet to feel any "energy" from this stupid fancy hippie crybaby face water that is yelling at me, but I do predict it will make me need to pee and then seek out some actual caffeine here pretty soon. Not recommended because obviously.