Weird "Energy" Product Review: G Series Energy Chews

Guys, did you know that Gatorade makes "energy chews"? You do now! And I will try them for you. You're welcome. Unfortunately Gatorade shit is, like, supposed to help you exercise and stuff, so it's not full of caffeine like true energy-enhancing products, but whatevs, I saw this ridiculous product and felt compelled to try it. The first ingredient is, in True American fashion, corn syrup, but it's got like, various B vitamins or some shit in it too. The directions tell me: "Eat 6 chews 15 minutes prior to exercise or competition." I will not be exercising, but I will be competing against apathy and boredom to get through some revisions this afternoon. So let us commence!

FLAVOR: This package is Fruit Punch flavor. Don't worry though, the package assures me there is no actual fruit juice in this product. PHEW! It tastes red, for sure. The consistency is firmer than most gummy candy, but not unlike fruit snacks. The squares are kind of big, which is weird, but I guess that is what teeth are for. I'm not really supposed to eat at my reception desk, but I'm DOIN' IT ANYWAY.

EFFECTIVENESS: I've eaten half of them, but then somebody came and sat in the lobby, so I have to wait to finish them. Hopefully that doesn't mess up their ability to fuel my "prime performance" at typing. I do think I feel some energy right now. I mean, carbs and calories and generally can do that. No crazy boost, but I am of course just sitting at a desk right now.

Whatever. They weren't gross or anything, I just don't think they're designed with mental alertness in mind. Which is obvious but whatever it was energy FOOD so I tried it. Go ahead and give them a shot if you "exercise" or whatever. Here's somebody with more useful things to say about this product.