Tuesday, November 20, 2012

A Cup of Coffee: A Live Blogging Experience

This sassily be-pearled lady doesn't seem to hate coffee as much as I do. Via.
That energy drink I had earlier is not going to keep me going for the next few hours, so I'm going to give a cup of coffee a shot. I poured in a bit of creamer and a bit of sugar and mixed it with one of those fun wooden stirrer thingies. Let's see how this goes:

3:00: It tastes like coffee! There is very little redeeming value to coffee as far as I can tell.

3:02: Bitterness. Like the depths of my soul! Coffee and I should probably be BFF because of this. This is generic office coffee pot coffee, but lest you tell me that I should wait and have "good" coffee, I would say, "Pish-posh, you impertinent lad (or lass)," because I've always wanted to say that. Also, it's like me and beer: I have to try it once in awhile to make sure I still don't like it. I still don't like it. People are like, "This kind is GOOD," and I will be like, "This kind is BEER." In fact, the lighter and crappier the beer, the less I dislike it because of it just tasting like watered-down beer.

3:08: I'm several sips in, and I'm kind of getting used to it. I just have to not think about the aftertaste lingering on my tongue.

3:13: Oh god, I waited too long between sips so I tasted the bitterness all over again. Yuck.

3:16: Yep, still gross.

3:18: Halfway through. I can do this. Oh lord, it's like the particles of bitterness have all congregated on the bottom of the mug.

3:21: I think it's getting worse. How is it getting worse? It's so bitter.

3:25: I'm nearly done, but as it continues to get more disgusting, I'm not sure I'll be able to choke it down without gagging. I have committed to this experiment for SCIENCE and DENTAL HEALTH, so I must finish. I must!

3:27: I'm telling myself it's caffeine medicine. Yuckyuckyuck. I should probably just start drinking that Mio water shit, even though the anthropomorphic animal commercials creep me out.

3:29: Apparently I should've put like 3000x more sugar in it. Though that would kind of defeat the purpose of drinking coffee to save my teeth.

3:30: Okay. Done. Oh, that was gross. I'm shuddering at the grossness. Update: I still do not like coffee. Coffee is gross. Experiment over. Thank god I found a stash of Andes mints in one of my desk drawers so I can help erase the aftertaste. Also, I have a headache now. Probably from all the cringing. Thanks, coffee.

1 comment:

  1. I'm scrolling back through your energy drink posts trying to see what you thought of my personal favorite, Khaos, and I came across this post.

    I too have attempted to enjoy or at least tolerate a cup of coffee when I cannot for some reason consume a Khaos and I have found a couple things out.

    First, make sure to put in a pinch of salt. It helps to neutralize the worst of the bitter taste. After that is when you want to add sugar, and a ton of it. Especially if you use a liquid creamer its good to put sugar in first so that it can melt and mix through easier.

    The other really important thing is the flavor of creamer. I have tried a few and usually the one that kills the awful taste of coffee most effectively is french vanilla.