Bitches be opining about rape jokes

I did stand-up once two years ago. It's time I weighed in.

Have you guys been following the minute details of the most recent dudes defending their right to "joke" about rape controversy? Because I read all the ladyblogs and have a bit of a vested interest in "not hating women" and also "comedy" and made the mistake of reading comments sections on some of these articles, I have presented more than one impassioned argument to my husband while drinking and working on a jigsaw puzzle in front of the TV about this. Since things are still happening, I guess I'll finally get around to writing about it, too.

Previously on Feminists vs. Douchebags:

May 4: Awesomely awesome Sady Doyle went to a comedy show. She is a funny lady who also enjoys other funny people! However, in a sadly unsurprising turn of events, one of the dudely openers told a series of HILARIOUS jokes about women that were unfunny and sexist and also some of the punchlines were, "I raped her." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I don't think I can stop laughing, it is so funny to rape people chicks, amirite, bros? Anyway, Sady tried to engage with this comic about why he thinks that's okay. Does he not realize that his audiences inevitably include rape survivors? Though originally eager, once he realized what she really wanted to talk about, he was not so forthcoming. And so Sady published her piece and then he and his fans and other dudecomics got all upset about her "attack" and also "free speech" and "shut up, bitch."*

May 9: Comedian/activist/radio host/lady I know a little bit in real life Molly Knefel observed the nasty aftermath and wrote her own piece for Salon in response. Molly points out that male comedians sometimes do stop joking around and make serious social statements. She used the example of Patton Oswalt, who spoke out after the Boston Marathon bombing to much adulation, but defended DoucheBro-in-Chief Daniel Tosh's rights to make uncriticized rape threats (jokes?) at a show last year. Molly expressed disappointment that he and other comedians with a high profile don't feel the need to condemn the sadly endemic violence against women in our society in the same types of ways. Salon played up the Patton Oswalt angle, and some of his fans (among others) decided that instead of reading her article as lamenting a culture that values certain lives over others, that openly condemns certain types of violence while ignoring (at best) and trivializing violence against women, they assumed she was trying to trash Patton just to get attention. Hahaha, obviously.

May 10: The incomparable Lindy West then jumped into the fray with "An Open Letter to White Male Comedians." She contends, "I have more experience doing comedy than you have being a woman." She shuts down various arguments about feminists trying to "silence" male comedians or about how "it's just a joke." Guess what? It's not a joke to a lot of people, particularly women. And telling someone to shut up because they said they don't like your jokes is the actual definition of silencing, so nice try. Anyway, all the good things are there. (Also, see her post-Tosh guide "How to Make a Rape Joke." You can! But either avoid be a dick to survivors while doing so or just admit you're cheering on rapists!)

June 4: After continuing the conversation on Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell on FX with comedian Jim Norton,  Lindy received a whole new slew of dudely outrage. In a video (where she reads offending tweets aloud) and post a Jezebel, she asks, "If comedy has no lady problem, why am I getting so many rape threats?" Though here we can see they are all hilarious jokes/trenchant social commentary meant to subvert the dominant paradigm. Haha just kidding!** They are clear silencing tactics.

There are lots of other people writing important shit about this, too! Because SRSLY, if you are not a rapist, why would you want to identify with rapists? Rapists are not cool.

This is all a prelude to what's really important, which are my thoughts and feelings. Guys, as an aspiring comedy-type-person, I do sometimes get an icky feeling in my stomach about stand-up comedy/Comedy Central/comedy "communities."  I did that thing once! Stand-up at an open mic! In Bowling Green. Not exactly a hotbed of comedic geniuses (or progressive politics, for that matter), mostly just about a dozen or so young white dudes writing terrible jokes about ex-girlfriends for each other. (#sorrynotsorry #truth) Up to this point, I had actively avoided my regular bar on comedy nights, having been pissed off before while trying to innocently get my drink on--and that's mostly when the professional touring comics were performing. But somebody I know thought the open mic night needed some feminist infusion, and I agreed to put together a five minute set in solidarity with a few others who wanted to infiltrate the thick douchery. I think it went pretty well! I only had to shut down one dude's creepy comedy "virgin" joke when I signed up. However: I spent the rest of the night after my set watching dude after dude tell awful "jokes" about how women are irrational and dumb and slutty and have icky bodies and also why won't any of them date him? But not fatties, no, no fatties. Also, racist stereotypes are super funny! Also, this gem: "One time I berated a random woman on a dating website, here let me read my messages to you off of my phone verbatim, no seriously this is the 'joke,' that she's a fake bitch whose profile I looked at and she doesn't like hearing about it and I am incapable of recognizing that I am actually a terrible (unfunny) person really proud of harassing strange women online!" I don't recall any straight-up rape jokes, so that's a victory, maybe?

I know this is one spot on one night in one shitty little college town that can't be seen as representative of all women's experiences with various local comedy scenes, but I walked away largely demoralized. I never wanted to go back. I felt the other comedians were hostile to women/basic human decency. Who would want to network with them? I got busy with my PhD program and teaching, so I didn't ever make it to any other clubs in Toledo or anything to try again. And while I'm on the fence about whether stand-up is really my medium (should probably do it more than once),*** nobody wants to go somewhere that's supposed to be fun knowing they will probably be uncomfortable and/or offended at least part of the time. Why would I want to break into a "scene" that's hostile to my presence? I suppose I'm lucky(?) to not be a survivor of sexual violence, but it's not just rape victims who think it's uncool to make fun of rape victims. You want to make fun of rapists--without resorting to jokes about them being raped themselves in prison? Go for it. But if your joke is, "I am a dude and I raped a lady, aren't I edgy?" that is not a joke, that is not subversive, that is just you contributing to rape culture. Seriously, it's science.

And if one more article declares some kind of "inherent" conflict between feminists and comedians, I'll cut a (non-gender-specific) bitch. I think any of the writers I cited above would be surprised to find that you can only be one or the other.


*This is the only kind of speech that is freely allowed.
**This is called "verbal irony," son.
***I am enjoying doing improv stuff right now! Just because there are often more dudes doing it, doesn't mean it has to be unfriendly to women! I've also got a number of friends from my classes doing stand-up here in the Twin Cities, I should probably go see them/try it myself again and then I can decide which places might need to be avoided for my sanity.