Um, their house is now underwater? Or just abandoned. NYC 1979. Al's moved back to New York and wants his kids and ex-wife to come to some kid of church celebration of his charity work. Catholic Latin chanting in a big fancy church. His son and daughter came. Old-ish Al looking sad. Flashback to Fredo saying the Lord's Prayer on a fishing dinghy and getting shot. Ridiculous age makeup on Al. Now in English, some fancy priests put a medal on our kneeling Michael Corleone. Coming in late are a couple dudes in suspicious trench coats. AMEN. Mike has on a pretty fancy pseudo-military outfit. He sees Diane Keaton come in late with her new man, presumably. Connie looks on stoically. NOW THERE'S A PARTY.
Connie leads an Italian singalong. Andy Garcia, wearing a leather jacket is Vincent, and he and his mom are upset they're not on the List. Joe Mantegna and the other dude from the church interrupt awkwardly. The award was St. Sebastian. Mike's press guy doesn't want to talk about his mob/Las Vegas connections. Sofia Coppola, Mike's daughter, hits on Vincent. She's his slutty "little cousin," but won't say who her dad is. IT'S MICHAEL CORLEONE. Mary, the daughter, is the honorary chair(person) of the Vito Corleone Foundation. Vincent's got her number. They're giving $100 million for the poor of Sicily. SHIT. Oh look, it's Johnny Fontane, our favorite mafia-backed crooner. Connie is feeling it, as usual. Michael's new spiky hair is not only not '70s, it's not hot. He greets his ex-wife by the dessert table. She doesn't want cake. Why'd she even come? She's wearing a shiny golden-brown suit. Johnny's lip syncing is no longer so good. Mary is all about this Italian/Catholic shit. Look at that crucifix! Kay and their son Anthony corner Michael in the office to tell him Tony doesn't want to be a lawyer, he wants to be a professional singer. He doesn't want to finish law school and he says he'll never work for his father. "I'll always be your son, but I'll never have anything to do with your business." Michael's pissed. Remember when you yourself said you wouldn't work for your father?
|Let's spend a bunch of time on this chick and then abandon her after the first 1/6 of the film!|
|Ah, the sweet taste of reconciliation.|
Late at night. Cameras on a table. The reporter girl wants Vincent to say he loves her. They've fucked and he has an amazing carpet of chest hair. She puts on his leather jacket to reluctantly get him a glass of water. She hears a noise. A couple of dudes with nylon on their heads have broken in. Vinny sets up a dummy with the sheets in the bed to trick them and manages to grab the leather-pantsed gunman. He holds the one dude at gunpoint as the other one holds the reporter at knifepoint. He cuts her a bit, so Vinny shoots him. The knife guy freaks out, lets her go, and Vinny slaps her ass as she runs away. Vinny wants to know who sent them. It was Joey Zasa. Vinny shoots the second guy, too. Vinny says go ahead and call the police to the reporter lady, but no pictures. Obvs they didn't call them. Mike is pissed about what happened. Connie advocates for Vinny. Mike's not happy because of probes from the Commission (Police Commission). Connie says now they'll fear him. Vinny's wearing a super-long leather jacket.
At breakfast, Michael has a nice stack of pancakes. George Hamilton talks to him about how philanthropy is a good way to keep the government off their backs. Andrew is whatshisname's son, I guess. He's off to the Vatican. The bespectacled Archbishop needs some help from Mike. He's been put in charge of some kind of Vatican Bank. He trusted a friend of his with the money. There's been some embezzlement and he's to blame. He smokes and drops a $700 million deficit number. Mike says it's actually $769 million. The Church owns part of a corporation that is worth a lot of money. The pope himself would have to approve Michael heading up this corporation, Immobiliare, but he can give $500 million to the Vatican Bank if the Church would put him in charge of the company. The AB asks for $600m. This deal will absolve his family's sins, the AB says. Okay, sure. He's got that much money. Corleone Group takes over Immobiliare. Who cares? We're only 43 minutes in, and it's 2 hrs, 50 mins long. After I get through an hour, I might have to stop for a bit.
At a press conference, a reporter asks Mike about the money deposited in the Vatican Bank. "I've always believed helping your fellow man is profitable." YEAH SURE OKAY. Michael is pumped about U.S.-European economic cooperation. Mary has feelings as a crazy dude yells about Michael being a criminal. The board present seems favorable towards recommending Mike due to the Archbishop's recommendation. After the conference, Mary tells her dad that Tony says she's just a front for the Foundation. She loves cross necklaces. Mike claims the foundation is Real. Fucking crappy age makeup. She's asking about what's really going on. He says they're doing it for their children. She wants to be closer to him. They hug and kiss. "I would burn in hell to keep you safe," he says. COOL GOOD DEFINITELY DO THAT.
Outside China Bowl, two cars. The old man has brought Michael a message in their limo, which Vinny is driving. His old partners like the money, but they feel abandoned because they're no longer part of his Family. They want a part of Immobilaire. Mike says it has to be legitimate. But the old partners are unhappy. He cites Vito as a reasonable man. FALSE. Mike says to call a meeting.
Vatican City. Mike arrives just as the pope has fallen ill. His PR manager says there's going to be a press conference. At a long table of Catholic businessmen, some people don't want Corleone to take over. SO BORING WHO CARES. The pope has to ratify. AB says, the pope is sick, we just need to wait. Mike is going to pray for the pope. George Hamilton yells at some dudes on gold couches that they are breaking their deal. What do they want? Mike got Vinny a real suit. Immobilaire wants something something ships in a same direction, it's not personal. I never understood the meetings in the first movie, either. Isaac thinks he was saying the business will continue as usual, but Corleone's name will be on it. Back in NY, Vinny and Mary look at their grandpa Vito's Genco building. They both look and are dressed like the early '90s not the late '70s. The neighborhood's in trouble. Vinny missed growing up with his cousins. Vinny tells Mary that Sonny was once the Prince of the City, and Michael saved the family. He claims Mike didn't really kill his own brother. Technically, he didn't. He just HAD Fredo killed. She believes those are just stories. Garcia looks like a Baldwin here. (Both literally and in the Clueless sense.)
A helicopter over the city at night. Michael tells Vinny that Zasa is NOTHING. "Never hate your enemies, it affects your judgment." They land in Atlantic City. Is this really supposed to be 1979? It looks like a mix of '80s and late'60s. All the ladies are ushered out of the room as Michael arrives at the big meeting. Mike made all these dudes money by selling the casinos. He says their business relationship is over. He's brought them checks; "their shares" in the casinos, without the red tape interfering. Some of the dudes are pumped. Zasa is pissed. His family risked to make money for the rest of the families. Oh yeah, he has a bandage on his ear. Zasa wants to be famous, to be legit, to get a pin from the pope. He takes the blacks and the Spanish into his family because "that is a America." SUPER COOL PROGRESSIVE GOOD JOB. The old man with the fist on his cane wants to talk to Zasa. Zasa says he's been treated with no respect. He didn't get a check. He says the other guys have to choose between Corleone and Zasa. The guys talk to Michael about Immobilaire and pass around a tray of jewelry. Everything shakes. A helicopter approaches the banquet room, now locked shut with handcuffs, as automatic weaponry blasts. Vinny protects Michael like serious. Finally somebody shoots the door open and a few of them escape alive.
|CALM DOWN, BRO, you'll give yourself a stroke. (Too soon?)|
The AB meets George Hamilton at a hotel. Michael had a diabetic stroke and is in a coma. Hamilton wants to push the Immobiliare deal through. Prayers, too. Mustache guy who's been hanging around seems suspicious. Maybe the Archbishop is behind it all. In a hospital chapel, Vinny, Connie, and someone else in silhouette argue. Connie tells Vinny to "do it," as in, strike back. Next day, Kay's come to the hospital for reasons unknown. She likes seeing him helpless. She actually says this. Tony's going to make an operatic debut in Sicily this Easter. Michael says he'll be there. His kids are here, too, now. Mary's hair is so long. 1:12 and I'm calling it for tonight.
Two days later, trying again. Mary, in a stupid '90s business suit and hat, comes by Vinny's club. She's scared about her dad. She remembers them shooting at her house when she was little. Vinny's going to take care of Mary. Some good chest hair sticking out of his shirt. She'll hang out there and "help him cook." He takes her hand in his to show her how to make this pasta and ends up rubbing it HARD. They say they love each other and start kissing. He picks her up, you know, how people do, and presumably go off somewhere to fuck.
Some sort of street festival. Zasa tells the media "the Mafia" isn't real or some shit. Still got a bandage on his ear like Van Gogh. A very slow street parade that looks kind of depressing. It involves altar boys and some dudes who look like Klu Klux Klan members carrying a Mary statue. You can win this shiny 1979 Cadillac somehow. Some kid sits on the car and scrapes the paint with a key. It's just a distraction. A KKK guy shoots Zasa's bodyguard. Zasa's guys shoot back,. Screaming and running. Zasa runs. Horsecop follows and shoots him twice. Horsecop is Vinny.
In silk PJs, Mike gives Vinny shit about what he's done. "I command this family, right or wrong. It's not what I wanted!" Don't hurt yourself, old man. Sweatervest guy is nervous. Vinny takes his (verbal) whipping, but doesn't really give a shit. Connie's like, "Come on, bro." But they all reluctantly agree they were wrong. Vinny puts his uncle to bed. Mike tells him Sonny's temper clouded his reason, so, like, don't do that. "What are you doing with my daughter?" Vinny smiles and doesn't answer. Mike says something something dangerous. This is a fancy private room. Mike calls him Vincenzo. What a great name. "When they come, they'll come at what you love." Later, super old guy tells Mike to retire on another day. His room is filled with flowers. Seems like he's trying to get Mike to leave the business. His fucking fist cane. "Treachery is everywhere," he warns while looking at Vinny. He and Mike and Connie join hands.
In Sicily. Sheep on the road. A street band. Everybody rushes out to great the Corleones. Remember that time Michael moved there for awhile to hide out after his first murder and married that lady who got carbombed? Yeah. Me too. Pacino's doing a SRS scratchy voice because he's the Godfather. Mike consults with some old Italian guy. Every man in this scene is wearing brown. That may be legitimately '70s. Old wheelchair guy says Lucchesi is the only guy who can bridge Mafia and Vatican worlds. The old guy, Don Tommasino, tells Mike to go talk to some cardinal. Vinny's pretty much Mike's right hand man now. A party. Mike wears dark glasses and is healthy and up and about. He's announcing his son's opera debut. Tony shows up and borrows a guitar and sings his dad a song from the town of Corleone. George Hamilton has never been young nor will he ever get older. He is probably a vampire. During the song, Mike flashes back to his first wedding when he was young and handsome and beaten up. He has feelings. Later, he tells his kids about her. They all wear maroon. Mike tells Mary not to see Vincent anymore. "It's too dangerous," Tony says. She won't obey her dad. Also, her outfit is pure 1990 and she can't really express emotions on camera. (I feel that, bro. I am all deadpan all the time.)
Back at the giant villa, Mary and Vinny listen to loud music and kiss. Mike calls Vinny in while he shaves. He tells Vinny to sell his soul to Don Altobello (old fist cane guy) to betray Mike. He wants to find out how high up Altobello is connected. That mirror is really shitty and stained. Mike says to tell Altobello he wants to run away with Mary and wants the old man to talk to Mike for him. Yeah, I know they're first cousins, but like, they weren't raised together or anything, so just, whatever. Mike tells Vinny to act insulted if Altobello suggests betraying him. But Mary will run everything if Michael dies. CONVENIENT. Altobello introduces Vinny to Lucchesi, some Italian guy. Altobello calls himself a peacemaker as the two men walk away together.
Mike and Tommasino visit the cardinal. The cardinal rambles about Christ, when suddenly Michael starts to have a blood sugar spell. They bring him some orange juice. He should really manage this better. He claims it's the stress. He says he feels bad about the accusations agains the Archbishop and that's what's stressing him. God, remember when Pacino was so young and awkward and sexy. The Cardinal asks if he wants to confess. Mike says it's been thirty years, he'd take too much time, and he's beyond redemption. The cardinal asks everybody else to leave. Mike wonders what the point of confessing is if he doesn't repent. But he's going to do it, I think. He betrayed his wife, himself, he's killed men, including ordering his brother's death. Mike starts to cry. The cardinal says his sins are terrible and he should suffer, but he knows he won't change. So he says a prayer at him. Some bells ring.
|Okay, I'm pretty sure THIS is a symbolism.|
Altobello has come to visit some other dude. He compliments the guy's hot son, who he makes do a donkey impression like he used to do as a child. Altobello says he's got a stone in his shoe. "Only one stone?" everyone in 1979 Italy wears brown corduroy at all times, apparently. They cheers to death. Train station. Kay gets off the train and hugs Connie and Mary and shakes Michael's hand. Mary's got a poster for the opera, Cavalleria Rusticana. Mary takes a picture of her parents together while walking. Mike wants to show Kay Sicily. Hitman guy's hot son is hot. I think they're picking out murder costumes. Priest outfit: perfect.
Mike gives Tony a picture he drew for him as a little boy, Mike riding in a car. He says he's proud of him. It's going to be weird when he comes out as gay, though, you have to admit. Tony plays pool with some intimidating bodyguard types. Kay gets in a car to do some sight-seeing and Mike's in the driver's seat. Connie tells Vinny to strike back immediately if anything happens to Michael. FORESHADOWIIIIING? Michael drives Kay into the hills and they walk through an ancient village together. The house where his father was born. God, he's really doing the scratchy voice. They come upon a wedding right there in the ancestral village. Mike tells Kay he won't allow Mary and Vinny to be together. A marionette play where a girl has fallen in love with her cousin and there's a tragic death and something about honor. Michael and Kay awkwardly dance at the wedding party. She reminds him of how he said he wouldn't be part of the family business. She says he sounds like Tony. Some guy gives her flowers. Mike wants Kay to drive now because his eyes aren't great. Tommasino sees two priests walking on the road and offers them a ride, but OOPS he recognizes them as Hitman and his son, they exchange words, and they shoot Tommasino.
Mike shows Kay where he hid out back in the day. They have an awkward lunch. He wants Kay to forgive him for "everything." He claims he got into the business because his family was in danger. This was never his plan. Kay starts to cry. He still loves her and doesn't want her to be afraid of him. She has a husband, bro. She always loved him and always will. The take each other's hands. He still does good sad eyes. A knock at the door. The maid is crying. Don Tommasino's been shot. His guy wants revenge. Kay walks away. Fancy church. Some kind of Vatican vote? Oh, for pope. Oh, it's Lamberto, the guy Mike met with and confessed to. He will be John Paul I. White smoke out of the chimney. Haha, remember when I was working at the Archdiocese during the last pope's election and they rang the goddamn bells for like over an hour straight at the Cathedral across the street. Apparently the head of the Vatican Bank has disappeared with a bunch of money. Mustache guy. He won't answer the AB's call. The AB smokes as hard as he can, talking to Lucchesi saying the new pope has "very different ideas." Ruh-roh. AB prays.
Michael pays his respects at Tommasino's funeral. His death interrupted that conciliatory lunch. RUDE. He hates that Tommasino was loved and that Michael has always been feared. He swears to god on the lives of his children, "Give me a chance to redeem myself and I will sin no more." Really? He has so much guilt. APPROPRIATELY. Vinny comes in to the viewing room. Vinny is rocking that sweet slicked back hair. Michael knows he's in the way of Lucchesi and his people and there's an assassin coming for him. The pope is also in danger. "I tried," Mike says. Vinny wants an order to strike back. Mike has always just wanted out of the business and to have his family safe. Connie comes in as Mike nods. He wants Vinny to take over, but he can't then also have Mary. Vinny agrees to this trade-off. In front of witnesses, he tells Vinny to call himself Vincent Corleone from now on and leaves the room with Connie. The bodyguards call Vinny "Don Corleone" and kiss his hand as Tommasino lies in his casket.
|Connie is a badass, take a drink.|
It's some kind of introductory song, he's still backstage and the curtain's closed. A bunch of priests file in late. One of them smirks. A train. There's a guy on it with a box. The guy with the tambourine in the orchestra is super-serious about his job. A real mule is onstage at the opera. Altobello continues to munch on his cannoli. Connie spies him in her opera glasses. YES, ALL ACCORDING TO PLAN. All sorts of maneuvering happens during the show. Smirky priest hides as Vinny walks outside to check in with bodyguards. I guy's come to the Vatican to see Lucchesi with a "message from Michael Corleone." An usher asks smirky priest what he's up to as he wanders and the priest stabs him. He turns his walkie talkie on to only hear the opera noise and finds a stash of rifles. Other bodyguard guy notices his pal is gone and is suspicious. Back at Lucchesi's, Vinny's man gets the patdown. Tony is killing it onstage at the opera. Mike and Kay are loving this shit. This is a rude place to do this, smirky priest guy. Long-haired security guys are in crisis management mode. Oh, here's the train guy. He's got a gun in his tin of cookies and candy.
Vinny thinks his cousin is doing a great job on stage. Smirky priest aims his rifle at Michael in the center box. Long-hair may be on to him. He finds his stabbed compatriot. Poor Tony, he just wants to sing, not be wrapped up in a bunch of vendetta-based murders. Great shot of proud Mike with stone-faced Vinny over his shoulder. The long hairs successfully corner the priest. Or do they? He's stabbed them both. UH-OH. There's a gun onstage, I suspect when it goes off, the sniper will snipe. The Corleones close their accounts. The mustachioed Swiss banker's going to get killed. Train guy is going to fuck up the Archbishop. The banker gets smothered with a pillow right as he's about to commit suicide next to a pile of money.
Onstage, some KKK-hooded procession guys carry flowers and somebody's going to die. George Hamilton comes to tell Michael something's wrong. His godson priest takes his place next to Kay. The sniper is pissed. The guys tell Michael there's a plot against the new pope. Upset smirky priest switches guns with a prop guy, I think? A nun finds the pope dead (poisoned tea, I think). Guys in black KKK outfits carry in a Christ on a crucifix. I don't get Catholicism. Mary is crying. Vinny rubs her shoulder and Michael settles back into his seat. Connie watches as Altobello continues to chow down. Guys in creepy skull masks onstage with altar boys. I really don't get whatever this festival is. Connie watches as something happens to Altobello and whispers for him to sleep. Oh, I have earrings kind of like hers!
The one guy gets in to see Lucchesi as somebody chases the Archbishop up some stairs and Tony continues to sing dramatically. Train guy's got his gun and sees the AB in purple. Michael's message for Lucchesi has to be whispered in his ear. The guy's been checked for weapons, how will he do it? Train guy "pssts," the AB turns and is shot and falls down some stairs. Whispered: "Power wears out those who don't have it." He pulls off the Archbishop's glasses and stabs him in the neck while the security guys shoot him. Mustachioed guy hangs from a bridge. Lucchesi is all bloody from the neck. That's like some Breaking Bad simultaneous assassination shit right there.
The audience goes crazy for Tony. His family is so proud. Vinny hugs the fuck out of his cousin afterwards. They're all so happy and not dead. Mary wants to talk to Vinny, but it's not a good time. Vinny hears the twin bodyguards are dead, so they're going to rush the family to the car before the cops arrive. Smirky priest pretends to join his friends after the show. Hot assassin's son is on hand on the steps of the theater. Mary asks her dad why he's doing this, as in, ruining her life. The hitman's son does the donkey noise and plays with a gun. Sofia Coppola's not a good actress. The priest shoots Michael while he's talking to Mary. Vinny shoots him back. Michael's only been hit in the shoulder, but it's gone through Mary's chest and she says, "Dad?" and falls to the red-carpeted stairs. Kay starts to scream. Michael is broken. Either we can't hear it, or he's just screaming silently and drooling. Okay, now the sound's coming out. I guess sometimes when you sob, it's silent part of the time. Connie cries and puts her black shawl over her head. Where the fuck are the cops? Oh, here they are.
Flashback to when Michael danced with Mary at the big event at the beginning. So much hair. Just like his first wife at their wedding. Then Kay at a family party. All his ladies get destroyed. Later, a super age-make-upped Michael puts on sunglasses and wears a great hat/grandpa cardigan combo in a yard in Italy. He falls asleep or dies. Oh, he's dead, falls off the chair. Dog is unconcerned.
THE EEEEEEEEEEEEEND. Finally.