Friday, February 29, 2008

Ridiculous Cocktails: The Jel-Pack Monster

Image obscured to protect the identity of someone who voluntarily drank Limon.

So a couple of weeks ago, my cohorts and I gallivanted off to the northeastern woods of Wisconsin where we laid on couches, watched all of A&E's Colin Firth-alicious Pride & Prejudice, ate a lot of Doritos, and actually played in the snow a little bit. Unfortunately, because of the blizzard-like weather conditions, we didn't get out much to the sketchy local bars. HOWEVER, past trips to the Shawano-Clinton "metropolitan" area led us to the discovery of one of the greatest liquors ever to be manufactured by mankind: LIMON. And I'm not talkin' Bacardi here, kids. No, I did extensive Googling and couldn't find any mention of this fine alcoholic product. It appears to only exist in Wisconsin. Maybe it is related to the local Sun Drop manufacturing plant. This shit is made of lemon-flavored gin AND lime-flavored vodka. If that sounds like the dregs of some other higher-quality alcohol, you're probably right. That's my best guess too as to its origins. We saw it in the booze aisle of the local Shawano, Wisconsin grocery store*, and were immediately tempted by a) the bright green bottle and b) the bottom-shelf price.

When we got back to my roommate's grandparents' house (our deluxe lodgings during these forays into the wilds of Wisconsin), we opened the Limon bottle only to discover that it was the alcohol ITSELF that was bright green. It also smelled strongly of lime jello. And that's pretty much what it tastes like. We scrounged up some warm cans of Sierra Mist to mix it with and The Jel-Pack Monster was born. We named it thus because of its aforementioned resemblance in both color and flavor to lime jello, and because it reminded us of the Green Bay Packers, to whom my roommate's grandparents have dedicated a yellow and green shrine in their basement. I've never felt more Wisconsin-y than I did that night.

The Jel-Pack Monster

1 part Limon (only available in WI)
Several parts lemon-lime soda to cut the ridiculous flavor

It is not delicious in any way, but it does tend to grow on you. Or maybe if you drink enough of it, you stop caring what it tastes like. That's usually how these things work.

*If there's one thing you've got to say for Wisconsin, they do their boozing right: excessively and in public. I wish we could get fucking wine or even Mike's that has a higher alcohol content than 3.2% in grocery stores in Minnesota, for god's sake, much less hard liquor.

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