Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Cream cheese wontons: food of the gods... and stoners
Cream cheese wontons are fucking delicious. I got some with my order of pad cashew nut with chicken today as a special treat and they are just fried cheesy tasty awesome magic. Apparently, though, this magic is not widely available. (!) When I was home for Christmas, my friends and I went to a Chinese restaurant/karaoke bar in Portland after we were done with our family obligations. Besides drinking delicious cocktails, singing awesome songs, and leading the charge to the dance floor, our "Power Table" wanted to order some cream cheese wontons. We tried. The server told us that all their wontons had meat in them. W. T. F.? It was then that I learned that this was an amazing regional variation. I mean, I was never under the delusion that fried balls of cream cheese were some sort of traditional Chinese delicacy, but I thought it would be one of those things that is on EVERY Asian restaurant's menu. They are in Minnesota!
Anyway, I just consulted the Wikipedia "wonton" article and found out that cream cheese puffs are mostly made in Minnesota, Louisiana, California, Florida, and "parts of Iowa." Fuck that noise. I feel like it's up to me to spread the word:
Dear Friendly Asian Food Restaurateurs,
You know wontons? Yeah. Well, instead of tossing some meat or veggies inside those dough wraps, just try a delicious dollop of cream cheese. No, seriously. Then fry that shit up. Seriously, it's the best thing ever. Another good idea: offer a free order of them when you spend above a certain amount of money on a takeout order. High people will take advantage of it every time and buy more shit. (As long as somebody involved in the process is in a state to do math.) People everywhere deserve cream cheese wontons. Do us all a favor and add them to your menu.
Love and fried dumplings,