Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Sexy Naked Workout Videos, Jesus Wants to Be Your Boyfriend, and My Neighbor Is a Bad Singer

-So, a couple of weeks ago Thrift Store Champion and I were hanging out with some friends at their house, when suddenly they subjected treated us to some of this magic. Yes, my friends: The Da Vinci Body Series for Men. It's hard-bodied dudes working out. All naked-like. This video tape was from the mid-nineties, had terribly dubbed-over exercise instructions, and it was so, so hard to look away. It may have been partly due to imbibed substances, but we watched that entire video (it's like an hour long), and were incredibly thrilled to find out that it is part of a series. Highlight: when Jason said of the one Asian guy, "He's so diverse!" -Also from the early-to-mid-nineties: the stock photos on this fabulous Jesus website. "Where is that one special relationship?" I saw a commercial on the teevee for this website, and I had to check it out: 1-888-Need-Him. And I quote:

We've all felt these things. In such moments, you know there's something missing, something wrong in your world. You know there's a relationship you don't have that you're supposed to have. At times you may have felt you have found it, perhaps in a love relationship, but that feeling never seems to last.

Every relationship leaves you with this hole in your heart. Something isn't right, but we just can't find it or fix it. But it doesn't ever have to be that way for you again. There is an answer to your search.

I know! It's called Prozac! Or quit dating people who suck! Whatevs. Anyway, the site features different pictures if you decide you want to tell a lady about Jesus. "Alone? A perfect friend is waiting to meet YOU." God, it had better be The Sexy Gay Jesus, or I want my money back! Unfortunately, I don't have the outdated technology required to "Watch It!" or "Hear It!" because it looks like there are some good talks like "Sleeping Around" or "Titanic,"* presented by people like this lady. Also, I found a link to a fun new blog by a Christian lady named Peggie whose main webpage features some midi hymns. This week on her blog she ponders what a Christian should do on Halloween, what with how it "has turned into dark occultic activities opposite from the Light-giving God we serve." I like the evangelical option: candy + religious tracts = happy trick-or-treaters all around! Unless they're, like, Muslim or something. Like Barack Obama.

-Have I mentioned that my next-door neighbor sings Jesus music often in the morning? For a few weeks, it was like clockwork right before 10:00 a.m. every day: off-key but inspirational. But then ONE MORNING I heard her singing along to something not-so-Christian on the radio (that is a totally edited--though still quite sleazy--video, and I actually kind of liked the song's premise when I thought it was a woman singing about receiving cunnilingus, but now I've realized my neighbor's bad vocals covered up the fact that it's just some shitty guy band).

*How up-to-the-minute!

1 comment:

  1. I was thinking since Tim is available.. maybe he could be an assistant Coach Outlet
    helping with the quarterbacks and offensive line.. can you imagine coming to Florida and having the best college player being your Coach Madison
    .. hanging out with you everyday -- I don't think we have to worry about the prospects still coming to Florida to play football; but to be honest.. Coach Meyer getting his health 'fixed' is the most important.. want to have him around for many years.. even if he's not on the sideline. I've been a Gator fan for 30+ years and have gone through the ups and downs of Coach Luggage
    .. Dickey; Pell; Hall; Spurrier and now the best coach anyone could ask for... sorry for rambling.. just a hot topic for me -- hope our Gators will win this one for 'the Gipper' - Coach Hamptons