Thursday, March 05, 2009
Pressing current events accompanied by my sarcastic commentary!
A lot has been happening in the news since I have been buried under a shroud of work and more work and stupid responsibilities which look an awful lot like work. But I check out the headlines on the HuffPo and am up on all the latest news. And I know all y'all are wondering what I, your lovely blogmistress, has to say about them. So, off to the races! 1. Tonight's top story: Were you aware that Michelle Obama wears CLOTHING and has ARMS?! (See: everything on HuffPo's page devoted to Michelle Obama.) Slightly amusing and/or embarrassing anecdote. Remember how I used to be Mormon? Ah yes, well, the Mormons don't let their ladies show their shoulders. So, growing up, I never had tank tops, except to wear under stuff. But when I ran away to live with my boyfriend one summer (when I was 20, so I don't know if "run away" is the right term, but whatevs, it was totes scandalous) and kinda decided I didn't really want to follow the Mormon rules anymore, I bought a couple of tank tops (two words? one?). And I'm not going to lie, the first time I wore a tank top out and about with friends, I felt a little bit weird about taking my sweater off. True story. But now I am a full-fledged shoulder and upper-arm ho. As evidenced by this blurry picture of me from last July 4th.* 2. The Twitter is sweeping the nation! In the comments recently, my friend Matty said Twitter was like blogging-lite for him. However, I have never changed my cell phone plan since I got it a year and a half ago and I still pay for each separate text message. I might be Amish. I also take issue with Matty's assertion that Twittering instead of blogging, "It isn't a replacement, but it's like masturbating to get you through the coital dry spells." Now, I sure do enjoy coitus, but I am a lady with those finicky ladyparts and resent your relegation of masturbation to less than main-event status. That is all. 3. The GOP is totally phat now, G. And Michele Bachmann continues to embarrass the state of Minnesota with her public displays of incompetence and faltering mental health. 4. Rush Limbaugh is still an asshole. No link necessary, that fact is in the public domain. 5. Apparently the economy is not doing well. Whatevs, I already got food stamps. (Still awesome, by the way. Thanks for the organic energy drinks, regular supplies of fresh produce, chocolate Silk, and the occasional block of non-cheddar cheese, State of Ohio! I know, decadent, right?) Though we should probably all be worried about the print media going under, because if it does, we'll be hard pressed to find materials for the roofs of our Hooverville shanties!** Anyway, The Jon Stewart tells us exactly where we should look for advice and information in this time of recessive capitalism: *So blonde! So thin! Ah, those were the days... **Good news: my recently laid-off father is now re-employed (assuming my commie pinko feminist blog posts don't cause his background check to get held up by Homeland Security), but one of my friends here got laid off and is now looking to start a hobo gang. Don't get me wrong, hoboes are great, but riding the rails is always more fun when you've got a day job you can go back to.