Thursday, August 19, 2010

My house has fleas; I'm probably a Plugger

Guess who's gone to Wal-Mart, like, 1905783 times in the past week or so? Would you guess your humble blogger? Because you would be correct if you were to do so! We live close to Wal-Mart now and we're in a house. Houses need a lot of shit. A lot more shit than apartments. Sometimes your house has fleas and you have to go to Home Depot and talk to a man about Ohio's current south-to-north moving flea infestation. Sometimes you buy lawn furniture, or just giant cases of Diet Coke. Other times you buy house plants, 3M wall hang-y stuff so you don't destroy the walls like you did in your last place, and/or curtains. I never thought I'd buy curtains, but there were already rods on the windows and I'm sure as hell not going to install mini-blinds in a rental home, even though they're more allergy-friendly. Speaking of allergies, the previous owners had pets, and I keep finding clumps of their stupid animals' hair stuck to grime and dust in corners, the upper parts of doors, and all over the fucking curtain rods that become exposed when I take off the dirty, dirty existing curtains to be washed. What I'm saying is, I live in a house and I'm starting school/my assistantship on Monday, and I'm doing lots of house shit. Also, we have fleas. Did I mention that? I think I've turned into a Plugger.

So here's some of the most ridiculous recent Plugger strips:

Oh, we all know it was a plugger who invented those heinous things in the first place. The real mystery is why other people thought they should buy them and wear them. In public.

Duh: prescription drug addicts. WE KNOW.

Pluggers are destroying the earth (shock) and old-man perverts (double shock). Those dudes definitely also have fleas.

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