Saturday, March 12, 2011

Reason #2987678 I am my mother: Judging your clothes while I judge your life... on TV

My most frequent comment when watching reality television: "What is s/he wearing?!"* Seriously, though, people--it's not like you didn't know you were going to be on TV. I'll admit that it is usually ladies who get my wrath (men have fewer bad choices available to them, I believe), but everybody comes under my critical eye when they're on my TV. And it doesn't matter that I'm wearing sweats, I'm not on camera.

I'm sorry about your daughter's tragic death/probable murder, but who told you that print and that hairstyle were okay for this decade?

And this State Island bro who refuses to take care of the family dog--what is that shirt thing? Nothing sleeveless should ever have a collar. I think that's just a general rule of fashion that everyone should follow. And what is it with animal prints (clothing or home decor)? That shit should be outlawed.

Oh, off-the-shoulder lady, are you trying to seduce that Mormon Ghost Hunter guy? Whatever you're going for, the result is unfortunate and on national television.
Maybe I'll make this a regular blog feature: Bad Fashion I Saw on TV This Week. If I get at least two comments supporting this, I will make it happen. At least one more time, anyway.

Related, though more clever--my friend Rebekah has diagnosed a serious problem for women featured on hoarding shows: IFB or Ill-Fitting Bra Syndrome. It does stand to reason that if you're letting your 42 cats shit and reproduce in every nook and cranny of your crazy-huge piles of indoor garbage, fashion and personal comfort are probably not a high priority for you.

*Followed by, in no particular order:
-"Oh my god!"
-"These people are crazy!"
-"Why are they doing this?"
-"Ew, gross!"
-"Haven't these people seen this show before?"
-"I love Keith Morrison."
-"These people are really bad at murder. I could plan a better crime than this."**

**This is true; I could. If I ever murder somebody, I will plan it perfectly and I will follow the number one cardinal rule of getting away with murder: NEVER, EVER TELL ANYONE. Your special lady may not always be your special lady, and she may come forward two decades from now when DNA technology is more advanced and you will be SCREWED.


  1. Wasn't there a Sandra Bullock movie where two high school kids tried to plot the perfect murder, but got caught anyway?

  2. Somehow I missed that Sandra Bullock movie! Besides, I think I'm smarter than a high school kid. Slightly.