|Apparently this shitty remake came out in theaters. In 3D. I will concede that those mining masks are pretty fucking creepy.|
FLASH FORWARD 10 YEARS: Tom, whose father owned the notorious mines, comes back to town following his padre's death to sell the mines to the highest bidder, who will probably bring in some out-of-state hardcore miners to replace all the townspeople who RELY ON THE MINES for economic stuff or whatever. People are pissed he is going to sell the mines. Also, that he ran away immediately following that time when that crazed miner almost killed him. But Sarah is like, "Oh, hey." And they used to date ten years ago, but now she's married to "Axel," which is not a name outside of Scandinavia, and they have a little boy and also he's a philanderer and the town's sheriff. OBVS.
Shortly after Tom reaches town, some dude gets killed, and then another dude, and then a gratuitously naked lady whose nipples have been tastefully edited out for the cable viewing audience. With a PICKAXE, which was old Harry's weapon of choice. Blahblahblah don't remember, suspicion falls on Tom pretty early. FACT: about 36 minutes in (including commercials), I said to Isaac, I says, "It seems pretty clear Tom's the killer, but it's too early for that, so there's got to be a twist." SPOILER ALERT: Tom is the killer. Tom is played by some generic CW actor and I didn't want him to be the killer, but apparently he's been in lots of mental hospitals because of, like, PTSD or whatever, and/or the evil spirit of Harry is possessing him?
|Note: Harry is dead. He is totally dead and not killing more people now.|
Final rating: 3/5 ironic thumbs up. Fun enough with all the cartoonish violence, but the real killer was way too obvious.