Anti-Energy Drink Review: Neuro Sleep

A while back, I positively reviewed the Neuro Sonic energy drink. I recently acquired one of the company's sleepy-time beverages because for science and also a lifetime of insomnia/nightowlishness. Also, my brother said they work pretty well, and since I usually sleep from about 6:30 a.m.-3:00 p.m., maybe I could drink this and get myself to bed earlier. Or whatever, I just want to see what it feels like and it is already 4:30 in the morning and I am only marginally tired. Though I would be getting ready for bed right now anyway and would probably just go do crossword puzzles in bed for at least an hour, but only after my rigorous dental hygiene regime. I no longer have insurance, people, I have to take extra care!

I call bullshit if I don't have dreams about laying on a hammock between two bright orange palm trees.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I had a Diet Coke at like 10:30 earlier this evening and my caffeine tolerance is quite a bit lower right now than usual since unemployment/not ever having to be anywhere, and also I've had some booze. Results with fewer chemicals in one's system will inevitably vary.

This beverage will apparently help me have a more restful sleep and "normalize" my sleep patterns (HAHA NICE TRY EVERYTHING NEVER GONNA HAPPEN), also relieve muscle cramps, and also help me relax. This bev contains melatonin (heard of that), magnesium (heard of that), and L-theanine, which I am too lazy to look up. Let's try this shit and see what happens.

FLAVOR: The drink itself is non-carbonated and orange in color. First sip reminds me of not just simple orange juice, but perhaps something tangerine-y. It's got a good tang to it, though not thick and icky like Sunny Delight or something. Fact: I think one of the reasons I've always hated SunnyD is because my parents used to bring it on road trips, so it just reminds me of being carsick. The screwdriver was my default cocktail at home for many years, but I usually didn't order it at bars because they often used some sort of gross knock-off SunnyD instead of legit orange juice. Which is all to say that this drink tastes okay.

EFFECTIVENESS: Ten minutes and about 30% in, I feel slightly more tired. But it is 4:45 a.m. and I did go on a kind of epic bike ride today. So it is hard to say at this point, is what I'm saying. Ten minutes later and slightly over halfway through, I'm feeling pretty good about the direction of my sleepies. Though I have to say I do actually like doing crossword puzzles before bed, and I don't think it's going to happen tonight. I'm contemplating whether I can floss right now. I'm mostly concerned about mint/orangey taste clash I suppose, but I'll let you know how it goes. Boy, I really am getting sleepy. Update: the combo of flavors is kinda weird, but I'm getting tired enough that I don't care. It's now 5:05 and I'm just going to chug the last 25% of this so I can get my teeth brushed too before I crash.

Next day update: This drink made me get pretty sleepy much faster than normal, and though I stayed up writing about it, I fell asleep earlier than I probably would have reading or crosswording in bed.

Overall, I'd recommend it as a sleep aid, though drinking it and brushing my teeth in a short time span was a real concern for me because of flavor-clashing. However, I slept solidly for several hours before waking up for the first time this morning, which thanks to alcohol and anxiety, can sometimes be a problem. Obviously I went back to sleep until 3:00 p.m., and I can't say that I feel any sort of Neuro hangover. Or you can just try the new "We all know why you really use Nyquil, so let's just stop pretending" stuff. Whatever.