Nobody panic! I am okay. I have not brought about sweet, sweet oblivion with a combination of Gordon's vodka and Benedryl--though I have to say if were going to kill myself (which I never would) I would TOTALLY go overdose. None of this hanging or wrist slashing (I can't even handle giving blood, how would I do that?) or shooting oneself in the head. I'd prefer to just go to sleep, perhaps vomiting a lot beforehand, but how different is that than an unfortunate drinking incident? Anyway, the suicide talk is at least 98% that morbid humor thing I'm into. But I've gotten kind words from a few worried/sympathetic friends which I totes appreciate. I've been watching a lot of Olympics and working on a majestic 2000-piece leopard puzzle from the Salvation Army the past week or so, which gives my life meaning because apparently I am secretly an old lady.
But despite continued unemployment and daily rejections from more jobs I've applied for and am probably way over-educated for but still can't even get an interview for, at least I'm not a Plugger! This is an important mantra. While culling through the last month or so of Plugger panels, I was reminded of god's greatest invention*: The Random Plugger Generator. Go there and press refresh. Do it again. And again! And now, some of my own commentary:
|I believe the preferred nomenclature is "Inuit" or "Alaskan native," asshole. Also, that ice cream bar should probably be made of whale blubber or something to be authentic. DETAILS!|
|First of all, what animal is this lady plugger supposed to be? Dog? Sheep? Camel? Also, with a hairstyle like that, the fact that she is still using personal grooming supplies from the mid-'90s is perhaps the least of her problems.|
|This is horrifying.|
|Pluggers love gendered divisions of labor so hard.|
|You also might be a hipster, but clearly the concept of irony is WAY past a Plugger's level of cultural comprehension.|
|Insert disgusting Plugger stripper joke here. YOU'RE WELCOME, SIR OR MADAM.|
*No, not booze. The Sexy Gay Jesus clearly invented booze.