Friday, August 24, 2012

Mood-Enhancing Drink Review: neuroBLISS

We all know how relaxed LL is, right? Image found here.
Oh hey guys, are you still here after witnessing my latest "artistic" project? It's 3:30 a.m. (so really, I wouldn't think about going to bed for an hour or so), I've just finished the last of a few (several?) glasses of vodka and lemonade, and have decided it is time to review the neuroBLISS drink. (Don't blame me for the ridiculous capitalization situation, that's just how Neuro or neuro or neUrO or whatever rolls). The BLISS drink is a lightly carbonated beverage that promises to help me "de-stress the healthy way." STOP JUDGING ME FOR USUALLY COPING THROUGH INVESTIGATION DISCOVERY MARATHONS AND BOOZE, NEURO. Geez!

Supposedly BLISS will reduce my stress, enhance my mood (but it is somehow not drugs?), help me focus (important at this time of day), and give me a more positive outlook. Clearly Neuro has never met me or anyone in my family. As my father once stated (as I recall), all of us kids came out of our upbringing with a firmly sarcastic view of life and a negative attitude. Not sure BLISS can change that kind of hardwiring, but I'll give it a go. The only active ingredient that does not look like a chemical is chamomile. It also contains this stuff. If this drink manages to make me feel good and accomplish some sort of task, I will enter myself into the neuroBLISS giveaway!*

FLAVOR: Bubbly. Vaguely citrus-y. Not bad, really. Because it comes in a white plastic bottle, I was a little paranoid it would taste like coconut. We all know how I feel about coconut. EW. The flavor and the carbonation are pretty chill, so no need to worry it is chemically or super-harsh like, let's be honest, most energy/performance-enhancing beverages are.

EFFECTIVENESS: 15 minutes in, I feel little to no "outlook" change, but I certainly feel no worse than before, which in my life these days is a small victory. After about half an hour and half the drink, I do think I feel more chilled out than I might normally. Or I'm getting naturally tired, but we all know that doesn't usually  happen before 6:00 a.m., so it seems to be doing something for me.

It took me about an hour to drink the whole thing, and it was generally pleasant-tasting. I can't say that I feel giddy joy or like I just got a full-body massage or something, so I'm not sure I can specifically vouch for the strongest of BLISS's claims. I do feel relaxed, but perhaps to really know if it's seriously "working," I should drink one when I'm in the throes of anxiety. Alas, M80 only sent me one free BLISS drink to try, but you can win several that may come in AN ATTRACTIVE BOX if you enter my goddamn contest.

So anyway, recommended, though further research is necessary to see if it can replace my Prozac.

*Seriously though, why haven't you entered this contest yet? It is not a scam. In fact, if you enter said drink giveaway (for either the case of BLISS or the case of SONIC), I will color you a picture in one of my myriad coloring books and mail you that shit, even if more than one person enters and you don't win the drinks. MY COLORINGS ARE FAMOUS, PEOPLE. Usually I add sarcastic captions and poorly-drawn details that will fill you with horror/glee.

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