I've been reading some poll analysis because I hate myself. You guys, I know. Ohio is the only important state because of the winner-takes-all electoral college shenanigans we engage in every four years. And in a presidential election year, I moved away from Ohio and registered to vote here in Minnesota. I'm sorry my husband and I are going to double-handedly throw this election (possibly maybe according to some people, not all of whom are Newt Gingrich) toward Mitt Romney by wasting our votes in a state that will go blue anyway. Although maybe if we're lucky we can have a split between the popular vote and the electoral college winner. Though how a majority of any non-millionaire group of people could vote for Oven Mitt is pretty much beyond me. But if for some reason there was no majority and the election got thrown to the House of Representatives, perhaps that would be a wake-up call to the nation that perhaps we should do a little tinkering with the way we do our electioning in this country because, you know, it doesn't make sense. HAHAHA JUST KIDDING, the American people would be as confused as the U.S. Olympic track and field officials last summer and the media coverage would be more breathless and horrible than that time the Lord elected a new pope, and the Republican House would surely vote in Romney because he and John Boehner use the same self-tanner. At least in the Compromise of 1877, we got a sweet bearded president out of the whole deal.
But SRSLY, if Romney gets elected, I don't know what I'll do. I'm too poor/lazy to threaten to move to Canada or something and I'm already drunk all the time, so I guess I'll just have to be sad. Sad, sad, sad. Because I am an overeducated white lady, I will probably eventually be, like, fully employed and stuff, but not with Oven Mitt's help. Though my insurance won't cover birth control, so expect the Romney presidency to be the era where my mother's grandchildren-ful dreams come true and I have to become a stay-at-home mom anyway because money and institutional sexism. I can't wait for my be-Mitted future! Let us all pray really, really hard to the Sexy Gay Jesus for a miracle in the next couple of weeks. Polls are the worst. I hate polls.
In less depressing news, Ann Friedman has some sweet suggestions for low-key Halloween costumes over at the Hairpin. (I actually think the Endeavor one is quite clever.)